Experts across the World, India and China said that incursion on Indian land will not increase the size of nose, eyes and height of any Chinese man.

"Boss, if Chinese are thinking that their demonstration of millitary power on Indian soil will help them increase their size of their height, nose and eyes then they are thinkingday dreaming. I am sure that even after this encroachment they will continue to look ugly piggy banks," said Zubeid Hussain, an Indian millitary expert.

Recently, Chinese troops entered in Ladaakh, crossing Indian borders cleanly. While experts are still to understand about the reason behind incursion, a leading Chinese newspaper China Daily said that such periodical attacks on India will resolve Chinese genetic problem completely. The leading newspaper which is also known as mouthpiece of Chinese Government said that such efforts will improve looks of average Chinese people and they will be able to impress US and European girls. China Daily also said that it would also help improve sex power of Chinese people, which was always considered as lack of energy and vitality.

The daily said "Otherwise there is no other option left for any average dirty and ugly looking Chinese man. They will never require to take viagra everyday."

Benedict XVI who put a foundation of resignations by Pope himself in the Vatican City refused to share his Twitter password with Pope Francis, drawing ire of the new Pope.

"This is totally unacceptable for a guy of such caliber. Now how can I spread message of peace and sanity to the world?" said newly elected Pope Francis.

According to sources, after declaring as an official Pope to spread the great message of Christianity to world, Pope Francis immediately asked for Twitter handle and wanted to tweet that he was Pope now. However, Pope Benedict XVI plainly refused to give it to him.

Pope Benedict XVI cleared that he just resigned from the job of Pope and not from Twitter handle. He also said that he actually resigned just to keep track of various Twitter trends and to be able to send his expert views comfortably.

He said "I am going to be an official tweet writer for the Vatican City while Pope Francis will handle all other dirty work."

Italian govt decided to supply free air conditioners under brand name 'Bofors' to cool down angry Indians.

"We offer free Bofors air conditioners to all eminent Indians including political leaders and intellects to cool them down," said Italian Foreign Affairs Minister Giulio Terzi Sant'Agata.

Bofors ventured into Air Conditioner market these days as the business is getting lucrative with high demand from different government authorities.

Sant'Agata said "The suggestion came from Prime Minister Mario Monti to send some cool gas cylinders along with Air Conditioners to India so they can lose some anger."

India said it was angry after Italy refused to send back 2 marines facing trial in fishermen killing case.

According to sources, Mario Monti felt that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh's word "unacceptable" was highly condemnable and worried the Italian authorities.

"I decided to cool down India. I know Air Conditioners supplied by other Indian and Korean companies are not enough to cool them down. Therefore, thought to send Mr. Ottavio Quattrocchi son Massimo Quattrocchi with free Bofors air conditioners. This time he would not charge any commission," said Monti.

After reviewing the response from Italian Foreign Ministry that the marines Massimiliano Latorre and Salvatore Girone will not return to India, India's External Affairs Minister Salman Khurshid said that no need to call them back or put international pressure on Italy.

"I have gone through their response. As the damage is not that high, we think there is no need to waste our precious energy and resources to escalate the issues. A guy told me that only 2 Indians died and therefore we thought of taking the same stand that we took with Mr. Warren Anderson at the time of small Bhopal Gas issue," said Salman Khurshid.

Khurshid told reporter that damage was petty yaar, no need to give it wide coverage.

While many experts are taking humble stand for Italian marines, India said that it would not be very conventional in its approach.

"We welcome people from other countries, yaar. It's not like we tell them "ab aa to gaye ho lekin jaaoge kaise". Now they were our guests and sometime had to return to their homelands. It was Italy's internal issue; let that government sort it out. Right now we have a lot of work, arranging good run for Rahul Gandhi in 2014 elections. So wasting time in these matters would not really a good idea," said Salman Khurshid.

Khurshid said "We have dealt with USA successfully in Warren Anderson and David Headly issues. They were kept in US, even Headly was punished by the US courts."

The marines Massimiliano Latorre and Salvatore Girone got special permission by the Supreme Court to cast vote in last month's elections in Italy.

Moderate Separatist and Jammu & Kashmir Liberation Front leader Yasin Malik and terrorist leader Hafiz Saeed slammed each other and thrashed each other's nose and mouth in a sad event. Sources said that fight began immediately after Hafiz Saeed asked Yasin Malik to join as a spokesperson of his party Lashkar-e-Taiba, as soon as Kashmir will be free from India.

"Janaab Saeed asked Yasin Miah that why don't he become LeT's chief Spokesperson as soon as India declare Kashmir is azaad. However, Malik Bhaijaan couldn't take his words in positive manner and told him to shut his mouth as he wanted to become Prime Minister of Azaad Kashmir. Malik Bhaijaan also offered Saeed a job of Security Guard at the main doors of his office," said a source who acknowledged the entire event.

Hafiz Saeed came to mourn the execution of Parliament attack conspirator Afzal Guru in Islamabad whne Malik and some of his supporters observed a 24-hour fast in protest of Guru's hanging.

The source said "Hafiz Bhaijaan immediately slapped on Malik's face and asked him to keep quite otherwise would be killed with AK-56 rifle."

The event turned violent after Yasin retaliating Saeed's slap with a strong punch on his nose and told him to stop dreaming about PM ship of Azaad Kashmir otherwise he would be sent to Afzal Guru's place.

"Finally, after a big fight while both were bleeding, supporters of both the leaders came and rescued them," said the source.

Source added "Saeed Bhaijaan left the dais immediately after Malik Saab threatened him that he would call US military and take the bounty offered on Hafeez Janaab."

Pakistan Interior Minister Rehman Malik called this as a miserable event and blamed India for increasing rivalry between Kashmiri fighters.

"This is all Indian conspiracy to create issues between two prominent leaders. I am sure that India's RAW was operating behind the entire event," said Malik.

Just before cooling down the controversy over, Pakistan's demand for special attention on the security of Shahrukh Khan, Interior Minister Rehman Malik said that people of Pakistan would be happy if Kamal Haasan was thinking of leaving India and joining their nation. Pakistan's invitation came after Kamal Haasan's interview stating that he would leave the country if Vishwaroopam is not released.

"All Pakistani people are fans of Kamal Haasan. They saw his movies many times. I saw many people who saw Abhay and Dashavatar at least 1000 times. We are truly happy if Kamal Haasan joins Pakistan," said Rehman Malik.

Kamal Haasan's popularity can be guessed from the fact that his hindi movie Abhay is in 5 Pakistani theaters for more than 11 years since its launch.

"All Pakistanis love weird movies. They understand them very well. Even today Abhay and Dashavatar gets 'House Full' crowd," said Arif Khan, Gulistan theatre owner.

Arif Khan said "Our beloved Mr. Maulana Hafiz Saeed is great fan of Kamal Haasan's movie Mumbai Express. He requested us to keep that movie in theatres for at least 3 years so every day he can watch it and inspire by the acting of Mr. Haasan."

Many Pakistani cricketers are also inspired by Kamal Haasan's ageless lifestyle.

"I have even followed his footsteps on not changing age and remain ageless," said Pakistan Cricketer Shahid Afridi.

However, Pakistan's demand was not taken well by India. It immediately issued circular saying Pakistan should keep its security tight and don't make weird demands such as sending Shahrukh and Kamal to its country.

Disheartened by India's reaction, Rehman Malik said "This is just for a change that we thought to demand India to let Kamal come to our country. Just we also thought that we will show that we are more secular than Indians. It doesn't matter if India never accepts our demand. We will remain happy by watching Kamal Haasan's movies on home video."

Indian Government said it is awaiting Pakistan's permission over disclosing all the evidences that prove RSS and BJP are terror organisations.

"We are waiting for their permission long back. However, government processes take time. Usually, these kinds of cases take years in Pakistan. But we should believe in law and justice and Pakistan will definitely give the judgment against both RSS and BJP," said a Government official, after Salman Khurshid confirmed the statement of Sushil Kumar Shinde.

The official said "Pakistan's judicial system is great. It believes in non violence as like its military and social organisations like LeT and JuD are totally in support with us to destroy the terrorism in India. They have also created forces that would counter attack on the extremists such as RSS and BJP till the time Pakistan justice will come."

Salman Khurshid who yesterday confirmed that Sushil Kumar Shinde's statement on Hindu Terrorism was based on fact said that he is unable to disclose the evidence as the case with Pakistan judicial system.

"Judges of Pakistan in consultation with military would decide what kind punishment to be given to RSS and BJP," said Salman Khurshid.

Reacting to India's Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde's 'comments' that BJP and RSS are terror organisations and planted hindu terrorists all over India, US announced BJP President Nitin Gadkari and RSS Chief Mohan Bhagwat as biggest terrorists and announced a bounty of $5mn each whoever discloses their locations. This development was response to 'fair show' by India's Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde, according to terrorism expert Hafiz Saeed.

"We are glad to announce that now our focus is a bit diversified in terms of terrorist recognition. Thanks to Mr. Shinde. We now understand that besides Pakistan, India is also well fed by terror organisations. According to a confidential CIA report, RSS and BJP are actually managed by two terrorists Mohan Bhagwat and Nitin Gadkari, respectively. In the global interest of terror free world, we announce a reward of $ 5 mn whoever tells us exact locations of these notorious people," said US vice-President Joe Biden.

Mr Biden was speaking in a press conference "We thought of deciding the bounty first and then CIA will search the reasons why we should call them terrorists. We don't want to miss the timing and let the world go in the arms of terrorists. We want to stop future attacks before they start them against us."

Pakistan terrorism expert, Hafiz Saeed welcome US move.

He said "US' step is welcome change. Instead of running behind me day and night, now they are on correct path. I appeal Pakistan government to give 'Mullah Digvijay Singh Award' to both Sushil Kumar Shinde and Salman Khurshid for their peacemaking efforts," said Hafiz Saeed.

He said "There is no need to worry against hindu terror, as we have already made counter forces to stop their attack. However, I feel considering me as a chicken that is needed to be roasted and fried, America can target meatier Nitin Gadkari."

To reach to an ultimate zone of peace process and de-escalate the tensions between two countries, India's foreign minister cut his own head and presented it to Pakistan's external minister Hina Rabbani Khar to take home and use it as football. This way India showed its eagerness to start peace process with Pakistan again.

"I think we need to start with very firm steps to stop cross border violence. From my side, I initiate peace process with Pakistan by offering it my head," said Salman Khurshid looking at Hina Rabbani Khar.

He said "I am giving my head to Hinaji and let her decide how she can use it in the peace making process. Cutting head is as simple removing nail."

Looking at India's efforts to achieve peace, Hina Rabbani Khar became emotional and with wet eyes she said "I was sure that someday India would leave its notorious and terror approach to the world and would make right steps to achieve peace. I announce India Pakistan friendly Football match and Salman Bhaijaan's head will be used as a ball. I hope both the teams would play with great vigour and mark as a symbol of great human beings."

Salman Khurshid gave a friendly smile to Hina Rabbani Khar, cut his head with a sharp knife and offered it to Hina. He tried to keep it more and more circular so that it looked like football shape. Immediately, almighty cried from skies started raining and sent his own white and circular aura behind his head. 

Marking a new era of friendship, Indian government signed an agreement to swap Delhi Police with Syrian Army in 2013.

In a joint statement with Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, India's Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde said "This agreement will start a new era of India-Syria relation. While we chose to send India's 'Dabangg' Delhi Police to Syria, they chose to send their fearless army."

Syria also described that the great friendship will be just a beginning before major change in both the countries. Both the countries will fully protest proof and peaceful in the given time.

Syria had successfully cracked down the ongoing civil war till date while Delhi Police successfully trashed demonstration against rape cases recently.

"We want to understand the skills and techniques use to tighten the knots of notorious and demanding rebels. Both Delhi Police and Syrian Army demonstrated great muscle in keeping demonstrators in their noose," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad who was on a 1-day visit with India.

Both the country representatives released a joint statement that will provide terms and conditions for the operations of both forces in each country.

"Syrian Army has unique technique in maintaining law and order in the country. Nation requires team efforts and rebels are always the threat for building a nation. Over last 2 years we closely monitored the way Syrian Army maintained Syria peaceful. We decided that while we can learn some techniques from Syrian Army, Syria also can learn from Delhi Police. We both have win-win formula," said Sushil Kumar Shinde, India's Home Minister.

The agreement also suggests that both the forces will exchange their knowledge on understanding the psyche of rebels.