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SP Tulsian recommends buying Gold at whatever price, believes in Bappi Lahiri magic

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 15 April 2013 | Posted in , , ,

Leading market expert and stock analyst SP Tulsian recommended buying gold at whatever price it is available.

"I have studied earlier pattern in the gold prices. I found that whenever gold prices tumble sharply an ace investor Bappi Lahiri buys tons of gold just to add to his jewellery," said Tulsian supporting his argument.

He said Bappi Lahiri who is famous for his investment in gold uses opportunity of falling gold prices for re-entry.

"He was the stabilising factor last time in the gold crash. His investment pattern similar like LIC, which supports equity markets by buying equities at the time of crash. Same way Bappi Lahiri also buys tons of gold from several central banks in the world when the prices tumble," said SP Tulsian.

He also said that whenever Lahiri magic works out, the gold prices become double in a year or two.


As gold prices crashed, Makrand Deshpande's Sona Spa saw huge turnout

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,

Makrand Deshpande's Sona Spa is in huge demand after gold prices in India and globe crashed sharply today. According to experts, people who lost their money in gold visited Sona Spa for relaxation. Sources close to Makrand Deshpande said that Deshpande even had to face outrage of many customers on limited availability of seats.

"Yes that's true. As I was unable to attend every customer, they are coming on appointment only," said Makrand Deshpande, who recently launched Sona Spa along in a partnership with Naseeruddin Shah.

Gold prices crashed today on account of weakening global growth, particularly China's GDP growth tumbled today. Currently, prices are trading at Rs26000 levels down from the highs of Rs32000 levels. Therefore, crash in the gold prices resulted in heavy demand for Sona Spa.

"At one point of time, there was a queue of at least 1000 people," said an eye witness who saw the madness of people for booking an appointment with Sona Spa.

Makrand Deshpande launched Sona Spa on March 22 with an idea to help people using revitalization techniques. He appointed many beautiful girls. However, after initial poor response Makrand Deshpande sacked all the girls and he himself started massaging people. Naseeruddin Shah works for part-time.

The eye witness said "People realised that only Sona Spa can reduce their depression from losing money in bullion market and will allow them to sleep nicely."

The eye witness also saw equity market expert SP Tulsian at the venue discovering the possibility of getting an early entry.

"He was asking Deshpande for early entry to get some relaxation after losing huge money in the gold market. He put a plan of exchanging his stock tips at free of cost for entry in Sona Spa," said the eye witness.

SP Tulsian confirmed the news.

"Sona Spa is best place where people can remove their aggravation and revitalize themselves. Even I had been there and made myself comfortable. I trust in fundamental value of the Spa and I think it has bright prospects," said market analyst SP Tulsian.

Tulsian said that he bought 100kg gold at Rs 32000 levels after he received SMS from commodity tipper saying that gold would touch 50000 rupees in 2 months.

"Yea that was the wrong call. It was first time that I had not trusted on my own fundamental idea. I was feeling that gold could have touched Rs 10000 levels but still I believed on tip. Now I can't even average it out," said Tulsian.

However, he thanked Sona Spa for helping him getting rid of his frustration.

Skinny actor Deshpande said "My idea behind launching Sona Spa was only public welfare. Sona hai toh sona hai. Tagline of my Sona Spa is 'You can buy your sleep here'."

He said "It was difficult to manage depression from losing 10-20% value in gold. Sona Spa takes care of your frustration and helps you out to become comfortable. I myself give you good massage and relaxation treatment as all lady attendant left the Spa for non-payment of salary."

"God, next time onwards I will give proper customer service, but remove these cases" - Bharti Airtel Chief Sunil Mittal

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 11 April 2013 | Posted in , , ,

Today I am here to confess that my a** is burnt out of fear and I couldn't sleep properly because of continuous vomiting and loose motions. Still my a** is burning for visiting toilet for 10-15 times during last 2-3 hours. Reason for my loose motion is my fear that Court will put me inside jail or ban me from making any false commitments again. Hopefully! Court will not do that.
It was a special occasion for the Indian Judiciary when it issued summon to big business tycoon like me. But it is really an a** tarnishing day for me. How can I forget the day when I committed in front of God the time I received telecom licenses. I told him that I will serve people as like my mother and father. I will be their servant. I will give them a great telephonic and broadband experience and besides that I will appoint such representatives who would solve all of their queries with humbleness.
That was actually greatest day of my life. I was a kind of novice to the telecom business and wanted to say what an idealist businessman says to God. I also told him that if I don't serve my consumers properly, then he can punish me like a pig. I told him that whenever he finds something wrong in me or in my company, he can take a stick and start beating on my a**. However, God is punishing in some other way. It is like beating me in front of the entire public.
I am a bit humble and therefore I accept all my bullshitting. But that bad*** Ravi (Ruia), he is such an arrogant that he would never accept his mistake. Forget him. So let me tell you what has happened with me. Indian Court has recently put me in two cases. One accusation was about the additional 2G spectrum allocation and the other was providing 3G roaming services to new customers in seven circles where Airtel does not have license to do so. I know it was because of collective demands of all those customers whom I treated like shit and my customer service personnel which showed them that they are nothing more than trash.
Hey God! You don't know how much stupid services I offered to my customers. I literally showed them they are fools and made biggest mistakes of their life for choosing Airtel. One of the most idiotic things that I made was that I kept 7-8th standard pass out guys as customer relationship manager to save few bucks. Yea, interestingly that time I was the most profitable telecom company in India. But below my a** I wasn't aware that my useless customer service would pull me down to such an era. Just yesterday I went to Airtel Shop to see my empire. It was look like a desi Pizza corner, and counter boys and girls were just like another Pizza boys and girls. I forgot that I was in Airtel Shop and ordered a Pizza.
Hey God! I forgot my commitment towards you and my customers and therefore I know that you are punishing like this. God! I again commit you this time is my last chance and I will try to serve customers like God. I am their servant. My customer care department will be humble and kind, giving best of services. But please remove these cases on me.

Power of hearing improves twice by using new earphones - Sony

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 9 April 2013 | Posted in , , ,

Sony has developed new earphones for its mobile to radio devices which improves hearing ability of user by twice he has, according to the company press release.

"We have developed special kind of earphones under our program 'Ear Empowerment'. I want to congratulate the engineering team which developed such a wonderful product that is good for entire humanity. Regular use of these earphones improves hearing capacity by twice. Now you can even hear what a special cute girl near you talking in her mind. Yea but the condition is she should talk loud in her mind," said Sony Corp Chairman Sir Howard Stringer.

Talking about the earphones in detail, he said "Daily use of these earphones develops a white mucus in the ears. The mucus has ability to clean ears and improves power of hearing. More and more listening of songs, especially loud and clamorous like dog is barking or sound of krrrrrrrrr.... would start improvement faster and you can see expected results in 15 days."

Sony Corporation is a leading electronics maker and manufactures Television, mobile handsets, radios, DVD players, etc. The company tried to answer criticisms that has persistently made on music industry that using earphones is bad for ears.

"That is bullshit. These earphones are good for actually ears. Only caution you have to take is that keep these earphones at least for 21 hours in a day," said Mr. Stringer.

Japanese company found searching for Indian problems to launch its product here

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 7 March 2013 | Posted in , ,

A Japanese company that deals through home shopping network found undertaking an extensive research in India to understand exact Indian problems so that it could launch its product.
"We understood that substantial chunk of Indians want to change their skin colour from black to white," said Nikomi Oshikama, CEO of Timoshi Corp which deals in FMCG products in Japan.
He said "Therefore, we plan to launch fairness cream in Indian market. We signed up Vivek Oberoi along with few nigros from Africa. We also plan to sign Pakistani actors as their craze is increasing in India."
Timoshi Corp is famous in Japan for supplying creams and moisturizer products to Japanese customers through home shopping network. However, it has no experience in fairness products, as Japanese are already fair. The company now wants to take the opportunity to ride on ever growing Indian demand.
Discussing about inexperience in fairness cream market, as Japanese are already fair, Oshikama said "We imported few nigros from Africa and coloured them with white cement to show how a black can become white."
He also told that the biggest substance of the company's cream is white cement which instantly converts black colour into white.
Oshikama announced "We are going to launch fairness product made from unique herbs in West Indies, Sri Lanka and Kenya. Japanese used those herbs in ancient times and they became fairer."
He said that the herbs are strong enough to convert the colour of the skin very fast according to a research conducted by steel firm in Japan.
Oshikama told reporters that they found 2-3 problems in India and will gradually tap all those.
"We are going to tap fairness related issues here. Thereafter, joint pain and then poverty problems," said Oshikama.
Timoshi Corp is planning to set up a JV with Haridwar based Sadhus to resolve Indian poverty related issues by offering Kuber's Mantra and Tantra.
Oshikama told reporters "I believe in Kuber. I really love him. Everyday I take blessings from him. He is the only source of all these ideas to me. I want to sell that whatever Kuber mantra and tantra to all my customers so that they would also become rich like me."

RBI Governor Subbarao to reduce interest rates by 50bps and would raise money from bank for day to day consumption

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 28 January 2013 | Posted in , , ,

If Reserve Bank sources are to be believed, RBI Governor D Subbarao will cut repo rate by 50 basis points straight-a-way, a major surprise to markets and his wife Urmila Subbarao. According to sources, the RBI Governor is facing serious inflationary crisis at home and received an ultimatum from Urmila Subbarao to reduce the interest rate and raise funds or will face fued.

"Yesterday itself I saw fight between Sir (D Subbarao) and Madam (Urmila) over prices of onions and potatoes. Urmila Amma told Subba Appa that she was getting difficult to buy onions at his current salary level and require him to bring some loans so that day-to-day expenses would not cut short. However, Appa told her that current rate of interest is so high and unattractive to raise money. Furious Amma asked him to immediately cut interest rates not just by 25bps as per market expectations but 50bps," said driver of Subbarao who was present while both were discussing the situation of India.

Driver, Jitendra Yadav said "Madam was really concern about the health of the economy. She also asked Appa to keep his job in tact so that recessionary impacts coming from private sector jobs would not really worsen routine life."

Driver also told that Subbarao asked his wife not to interfere in his decision making and he was committed towards reduction of inflation, which was not coming down over last 3 years. However, after a long debate he finally agreed to cut the interest rate by 50 bps.

Government produced numbers on deaths from clinical trials, says it is less than that of NDA time

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 3 January 2013 | Posted in , , , ,

Reacting to the Supreme Court's slap on Thursday on failure to stop illegal clinical trials of untested drugs by multinational companies, UPA Government said that the apex court has to see the government in good context and judge it by the deliverables. The report produced by Kapil Sibal said that the UPA government curtailed the death toll from 2,402 at the time of BJP-led NDA rule to 2,397 during 2006-10. (Please check the picture as given in the side box).
"We managed to reduce the death toll by 5 persons and showed that our government is committed to protect the interests of human beings. It was inhumane NDA Government. We have given the statistics in this slide," said Telecom Minister and head spokesperson of the UPA government. Talking to Press Reporters in Delhi, as Health Minister was out of station, Kapil Sibal thrashed out all the allegations made by the apex court.
The court's direction came during the hearing of a public interest litigation (PIL), filed by NGO Swasthya Adhikar Manch, alleging large-scale clinical drug trials across the country by various pharmaceutical firms using Indian citizens as guinea pigs in those tests.
He said "We are aware that the death number out of illegal human trials by multinational pharmaceutical companies was quite high in NDA rule, this time we broke the general notion that we wouldn't follow the practice to preach NDA for its mis-governance or misplay or scams. We actually thought of behaving in different but generous manner and took all the efforts to curtail the death numbers. Those five persons who actually saved because of the government are present here."
Kapil Sibal showed the reporters 5 underweight people who were drinking milk.
"Look at them they are much healthier and now they can even digest milk," said Kapil Sibal.
The government also produced that generally it was a rule to stop illegal human trials. However, Supreme Court thrashed on the government's rules.
"You have slipped into deep slumber. It pains us that children of the country are being uses as guinea pigs by the companies. You do not have even respect of the Parliamentary Committee which has said that the companies are running racket and you are showing just draft rules," the bench said when the Additional Solicitor General Siddhath Luthra contended that Centre is considering to frame rules.
Talking on Supreme Court's statement, Kapil Sibal said "While it is common practice to make trials on human beings rather than rats, pigs, bulls or other creatures in banana republic like us I think there is no need that Supreme Court needs to create an issue. Even I became 'guinea pig' many times. Look at various parts of my body. They gave me so many injections on my hands buttocks and many other parts. Still I am fit and healthy. See we are mango men and we have no choice. They give us and government a good amount of money. So best to let them go and the government is doing its job deaths from illegal clinical trials substantially reduced by 5."

SP Tulsian sees positive impact of gang rape incidence on the government, recommends buy UPA for long term

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 24 December 2012 | Posted in , , , ,

Popular stock analyst with success rate of at least 99.9%, SP Tulsian confirmed that the gang rape incidence in Delhi and latter the protests are overall positive for the government and therefore require to buy UPA and Congress at current levels.

"I feel the government is at bottomed out levels. With gang rape protest and overall steps that the government took through Police officers, I don't feel that the UPA stock will move further down. From here onwards it is buy, a multi bagger opportunity," said expert SP Tulsian in an interview with CNBC TV 18's Udayan Mukherjee.

He said "See Udayan. I like bottom fishing. I am contrarian investor and love to put my money in the stocks which have lesser downside. With the Company Secretary Sushil Kumar Shinde's statement that he can't meet maoists gives stability to the government officials. Further, I don't feel it would move beyond this level and already sold out stock would see a bit of good upside from the current levels."

While talking about risks attached in buying UPA at current levels, Tulsian said "Look Udayan everything has risk attached to it. But right now at a price of Rs 0.20 per share levels, I feel UPA stock will not go down to zero levels and it also ensures a comfort of getting multibagger opportunity."

"UPA which is currently facing angst all over India for its unusual and non conventional policies make the stock a riskier bet," said a technical analyst, Sudarshan Sukhani.

He said "I would not put my entire money on the UPA. It is better to keep some amount of cash. While I agree to Mr. Tulsian that UPA is showing bottom formation on the charts, I don't see any reason why this could not be a blip. As there are 2 more years remaining to complete the formation, I would like to put only 20% of my money in the UPA and rest preserve cash or even buy some bit of BJP. "

Government confirmed that it would take 2G auction till economic recession ends

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 16 November 2012 | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

After announcing its plans for 2G auction by March 31, 2013, the government said that it would again-and-again take 2G auctions till the economic recession and telecom slowdown ends. Just when the booming period would be back the government would again issue telecom spectrum on first-cum-first-serve basis.

"By the time our telecom slowdown ends and more and more such flop shows of 2G auction, we will start alloting spectrum on first-cum-first-serve basis, a policy that guided by Hon. Ex-Telecom Minister A Raja," said Telecom Minister Kapil Sibal.

The development came after, earlier 2G auction lasted just two days, got total bids worth Rs 9,407.64 crore, just one-third of the minimum Rs 28,000 crore the government was expecting.

Sibal said "We are aware that CAG would again make some stupid calculations. But for the time being, these auctions would be good enough to slap how we fool on the face of CAG and Supreme Court."

Senior leader and UPA Minister, Manish Tewari said "I earlier asked the question where is Rs 176,000 crore to CAG. Nobody in the government has such a great amount of power to ask such question. Now I tell you CAG come and make these auctions successful. By the time we would complete our recessionary phase, we will back to first come policy."

India's Finance Minister P Chidambaram told India Satire correspondent "Anybody can put a dagger on UPA's shoulder but neither fiscal deficit nor inflation has guts to stop us from our policies."

SBI filed a defamation suit against Arvind Kejriwal for irresponsible statement

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 9 November 2012 | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - BUSINESS

India's largest bank, State Bank of India was another who filed a legal suit on Arvind Kejriwal for making an irresponsible statement.

"How can he make such statement? We are the largest bank in India and we have so many customers who just require following a small 2-3 hour cue to open an account. Tell me, how much time it will require to go to Switzerland and open an account? Just making such irresponsible statements would not be done," said SBI's Chairman Pratip Chaudhuri.

Arvind Kejriwal claimed in his press conference that opening an account in SBI is much more difficult than opening an account in a Swiss bank.

According to sources, information that Kejriwal was going to make the statement on SBI was leaked and therefore despite of good quarterly earnings, the stock price fell down sharply.

Mukesh Ambani filed a suit against Arvind Kejriwal for undermining his wealth in Swiss Banks

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - BUSINESS

Owner of Reliance Industries and India's wealthiest businessman, Mukesh Ambani filed a suit against aspiring politician Arvind Kejriwal for undermining his black money in Swiss bank. Kejriwal earlier accused Ambani brothers for stashing away Rs 100 crore each on their personal accounts in the Swiss branch of HSBC.

"WTF! How is it possible that we will keep our one month salary in the Swiss bank? That looks so ridiculous and portrays us a poor Indian rather than richest Indian," said Mukesh Ambani.

He said "We could have been happier if he had said that we had some 1-2 lakh crore amount outside India. But that's Rs 100 crore look so fucking that we feel embarrassing to attend any party."

The embarrassment came to Burman brothers of Dabur who put some paltry 25 crore rupees in Swiss bank, according to Kejriwal. However, they denied that they would like to sue Kejriwal as they have some more work to do.

"We don't have time to run behind Kejriwal. It is always better to run for few more bucks so that Swiss bank will give us more incentives," said Anand Chand Burman of Dabur.

Anil Ambani, however, supported his brother and said that he is finding out legal options to sue Kejriwal.

"I want to ask him only one question. Despite agreeing that I am becoming poorer much fast than Vijay Mallya, why did Arvind Kejriwal undermined my black money? Rs 100 crore is so cheap, yucks," said Anil Ambani.

Reaction to all the developments, Vijay Mallya said "He he he. These Ambanis were showing their attitude everyday as they are wealthiest. But now I come to know they need some funding help from me. Ha ha ha. This is bigger joke that I am saving Kingfisher by selling my profitable business. He he he. Ho ho ho."

UPA Government plans to lower Drinking Age to 12 to bail out Vijay Mallya from Kingfisher's mess

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 26 October 2012 | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - BUSINESS

After falling from billion dollar rich tag, Vijay Mallya's statement over karmic connection of the life's richness and jealousy made UPA government emotional to make serious decision in bailing out his Kingfisher dreams in a different way.

"We are reducing the liquor drinking age to 12 from around 21 years (in Maharashtra it's 25 years)," said HRD Minister Kapil Sibal. He said "That is sufficient to bail out Mallya from current financial mess."

Mallya earlier said "Thanks to the Almighty that Forbes has removed me from the so called Billionaires list. Less jealousy, less frenzy and wrongful attacks." Vijay Mallya also told that he would switch to Kingfisher beer and McDowell's whisky brand.

However, the above sad statement from liquor baron couldn't go well with HRD Minister who immediately called a meeting of e-GOM (Empowered Group of Minister) where he clearly told that he had decided to lower the age of drinking to 12.

"Even my great grandson will also contribute in a small way to recover Vijay Mallya from financial trouble. I assure you guys that bucks will start from my home. My great grandson who is just 12 and half years old will finish least 5 bottles of beer and 2 pegs of McDowell's Mera No. 1 everyday," said Kapil Sibal.

Many other UPA ministers pledged that they will see their sons, daughters, grandsons and granddaughters will have any kind of alcoholic drink after crossing 12 years. However, few new ministers showed their displeasure on the reduction of age to 12 and wanted it to lower to 5 years.

While Mallya was accompanying Sibal in the meeting said "I am thankful to UPA Government and particularly Sibalji. If he had not have chosen this step, I might have switched to McDowell's Mera No. 1 from the Macallan. But thanks to Kapilji, I would not require to drink a whisky made for aam aadmi and will keep my status going."

According to Government estimates, if the drinking age is reduced to 12 years, the profits of United Spirits will be more than enough to cover Kingfisher's losses, paying its dues to lenders and employees.

Rajat Gupta to trade in shares inside jail for next 2 years

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 24 October 2012 | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - WORLD, BUSINESS

Addressing his skills for insider trading, Judge Jed S. Rakoff sentenced former Goldman Sachs director Rajat Gupta, 63 two years in prison. Now Rajat Gupta will trade in equities from actual 'inside' experience.

"We appreciate inside trading skills of Rajat Gupta and expect he will do it for us, for the great US economy a boost the stock markets. Therefore, we decided to send him inside jail so that he will do more and more inside trading for us at least for next 2 years," said Judge Rakoff.

US government and jail authorities will provide Rajat Gupta a LCD computer with CPU and speakers to trade seamlessly in the stock markets. While Rajat Gupta's demand for Bloomberg was under consideration, he will get one of the best high tech terminals to trade in the stocks.

"I believe Rajat will put all his experience in the stock markets and would do insider trading in more effortless manner from jail," said US President Barack Obama.

He said "With Raj Rajratnam (11 years in jail), I am hopeful that Rajat Gupta will make all the efforts to boost US' capital markets."

Talking on his new duty, Rajat Gupta said "I am thankful to great country the USA for providing me such a great honour to trade from jail so that I can live the name insider trading, that is trading from jail."

Vijay Mallya found giving 1000 rupees cheque to beggar

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 15 October 2012 | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - BUSINESS

However, beggar humbly denied for his great help

Vijay Mallya, Chairman of United Spirits Group found giving Rs 1000 cheque to beggars, who were begging on Bangalore streets. However, to the shock of Mallya, great new-age Entrepreneur of India, all the beggars denied his cheque humbly.

India Satire correspondent, who was present on a signal of Bangalore's MG Road said that he saw a car stopped at signal and a beggar as a natural habit went to the car and begged 2-5 rupees. However, a cheque of Rs 1000 came from inside and gave it to the beggar, which he humbly refused to take. Incidentally, the car was owned by Vijay Mallya.


The beggar, B Ramprasad said "I knew it was Mallya. Everyday for last few weeks, whenever we go to him he actually gives us a cheque and asked us to deposit. Initially, first few days we accepted those cheques and deposited in the bank, but all were bounced on account of unavailability of balance. Finally, we stopped accepting them and told him that we only accept cash or credit card that too if he bears 2% service charge."

In another incidence, Vijay Mallya himself went to one beggar called Radhakrishnan Appaswamy and offered him a 1000 rupees cheque for praying God for some bit of respite to him from Kingfisher. However, Radhakrishnan himself refused to accept the same and offered his prayers for free of cost.

Kapil Sibal said Government against controlling internet but if access through Aakash Tablet

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 24 September 2012 | Posted in , ,


NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS, BUSINESS
Aakash's next launch will be superior to iPhone 6
India's education minister and part time law minister, Kapil Sibal said that India is liberal democracy and don't need any control on freedom of speech or expression through internet if a common man access through Aakash Tablet.
Talking to a bunch of media journalists, Kapil Sibal said "We are a democracy and there should be no formal government interference in the dissemination of information through a medium which is perhaps quintessential representative of democracy. However, the data or information dissemination should be flowed out of a right medium. I would like to say that giving a special right to Government mastered Aakash Tablet owner that he can express anything on it through internet."
Sibal confirmed that great Indian masterpiece Aakash Tablet enables its owner to abuse anybody including him too.
"A person can say whatever to anybody even he can say ch***a or a** hole to me as well, any thing he can say. I would love to read that if it comes from Aakash Tablet," said Kapil Sibal who was overwhelmingly enthusiastic by the success of Aakash Tablet.
The minister was also talking about the launch of Aakash III will be in line with iPhone 6 which in his view would not be that great.
"Technologically, I believe that Aakash would be far superior to iPhone 6," said Kapil Sibal.

Government confirmed that it had Watahari Churna before taking decisions on FDI in retail and aviation

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 14 September 2012 | Posted in , ,

TOP STORY - POLITICS, BUSINESS
Opposition parties alleged that it was Shilajit rather than Watahari Churna
After announcing all the big bang reforms, including FDI in multi brand retail and aviation the government confirmed that all the ministers had a series of Watahari Churna (Powder that releases gas and acidity from stomach and clears it) on Thursday.
"Actually, everybody had serious digestion issues. All of us were facing damn bad gastrick trouble and acidity that was the reason we were a bit slow in the reforms. However, Yoga Guru Baba Ramkisan suggested us to take his Watahari Churna to release all the stock that was collected over last years," said Janardan Dwivedi, a Senior Congress Leader.
He said "All the party members and ministers of UPA government, excluding TMC stood in a line and took the churn at a time and released the gases. We felt immensely free and clear after releasing gases and reducing acidity."
Baba Ramkisan confirmed that he was the one who suggested such churn to the government.
He said "Actually, for last few months I am keenly watching the developments. My rival Baba Ramdev was getting overboard and completely destroying the UPA government which was a sloth like paced on account of huge inventory of gases out of eating some currency, equities, foreign exchange, bonds and debentures, etc. So I thought to come forward and release the stomach related pressure of the ministers and senior leaders of the government."
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Congress Party Senior Leader Digvijay Singh told India Satire Correspondent "It was Baba Ramkisan who really made our day. Now we have empty stomachs and even Indians are. We now feel at par with the aam aadmis and therefore thought to fill the stomach by allowing FDI in retail and aviation. Plus government machinery will also start working at a super fast speed. The idea to approach Baba Ramkisan was entirely of Rahul Baba who was busy observing him for last few months."
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While the decision is going to create jobs and will improve public distribution system plus rationalisation of prices for end consumers, the opposition parties decided to attack on the ruling government in a different way.
BJP President Nitin Gadkari told media "Our sources had confirmed that it was not Watahari Churna but Viagra pills or Shilajit that Government had taken and showed this much of courage."
He observed that sudden rise in the enthusiasm and power is out of these two medicines only. He said "I am damn sure that government even possibly tried few steroids and want to know why CBI should not inquire about the sudden rise in the power of the government."
According to sources, Nitin Gadkari himself is planning to visit Baba Ramkisan to ask him about releasing gases and sudden rise in the power and enthusiasm. However, for what reason he was inquiring that the sources haven't disclosed.

Survey: 92% Indians were unaware that Sahara was private group and not Government company before the issue crop up

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 6 September 2012 | Posted in , ,


SURVEY - BUSINESS, POLITICS
An Independent Survey conducted by Survey Monkey reveals that many Indians were unaware that Sahara Group companies were actually belonged to private promoters. 92% of Indians said that they thought that it was a Government owned group before Supreme Court made it clear.
Pradeep Sharma, Survey Manager of Survey Monkey said "Actually, 92% of 11,201 Indians along with me were totally out of an idea that Sahara Group was managed by some private sector guy who used to cheat them. These Indians were thinking that it is Government managed company and putting money in it is a kind of safe investment."
However, after Supreme Court’s order asking Subrata Roy’s Sahara Group to refund more than Rs 17,700 crore raised from 22 million small investors, the investors came to know that it was not such kind of safe investment.
“Yea high risk high return and we are going to get return of 15% every year since invested. However, this we didn’t know for sure. How cool,” said Rajesh Patel, newly joined investor in small investor category of India.
Survey Monkey along with Business World conducted an extensive survey of investors and non-investors in the group to know it that they didn't really know whether this company was not reporting to any minister in the UPA government.
"Every day I used to see Sahara's logo on Cricketer's jersey and the name Sahara looks like a name of a scheme that the Government announces. Therefore, I thought it was a government owned company and it will provide me safe returns," said Jogindar Singh from Punjab. "Therefore I poured some of my savings in this company."
Many people thought it would have been a good idea if they could have made a bit of inquiry before investing, as usual.
"Actually, I have a bit of idea and experience of scams too," said another investor in Sahara's bonds, Samir Joshi "Every time I invest and a scam comes out in that case and every time I learn a lesson that I should be more vigilant. However, 15% return is damn good."
The study revealed that even activist Arvind Kejriwal was not aware that Sahara was a private group and planned to protest against it for looting money of many small investors.
"Yes that's true, I wasn't aware about the same thing. I thought it was a Government company led by Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and planned to stage a protest against it. Fortunately, you asked me that question or otherwise I would have marched for a protest for nothing," said Arvind Kejriwal.

Nokia to file anti patent law suit against Apple

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - WORLD, BUSINESS
Whatever Apple had developed was actually thought by Nokia that time
After watching Apple beat Samsung in a law suit, Nokia plans to file a legal case against Apple for violating its patents over last many years since its inception. Nokia strongly expects that it will win the case and all iPhones will become the anticipated to be developed N-Series Phones.
After announcing two Windows Phone 8 devices, the Lumia 920 and Lumia 820 smartphones at a combined press event with Microsoft held in New York on Wednesday, Nokia CEO Stephen Elop said that the company will file the case against Apple as soon as possible.
"We are in a legal talk and would immediately pull Apple down to the US courts. They are violating our expected product development in phones for over last 7-8 years since they launched iPhone and we demand all the revenues they earned through that product to move to Nokia," said Elop.
He said "Actually whatever they developed as iPhone, that we were going to develop at Nokia. That time our scientists and researchers thought of developing something that can be touched by fingers and few games would be opened also net would be accessed. However, Apple theft our entire idea, and they first develop that product."
After introduction Apple's iPhone, Nokia is way beyond in the markets as the users are dumping these phones and buying iPhone or Samsung phones. However, as Samsung is now lost player, Nokia revived its strategy to kill iPhone from its competition.
S P Iyengar, telecom strategist and gadget guru said "Nokia's move was shocking, I never knew that the company was intelligent too. If Apple had theft its originality then it was totally an unethical thing."
Nokia said that it also planned to develop PCs in 1950s which had greater look and best as user friendly. However, this idea was also theft by Apple and now it has to make phones by using idiotic Windows Operating System.

Buzzing Stocks: Bajaj Auto

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 2 September 2012 | Posted in , ,

BUZZING STOCKS
Bajaj Auto rose sharply after Government passed a law that every MP will come by Bajaj Pulsar to Parliament instead of Bullet Proof Car
Bajaj Auto: BSE: 532977 | NSE: BAJAJ-AUTO | BSE Sep 03, 1648.00 32.60 (+2.02%)
Bajaj Auto rose today after Indian Government announced Bajaj Pulsar to every Member of Parliament instead of Bullet Proof Car to better cost minimisation to reduce fiscal deficit and higher mileage, Hamara Bajaj.

Taking revenge against verdict, Samsung to sell Korea and buy Apple

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 30 August 2012 | Posted in ,


NEWS IN BRIEF - WORLD, BUSINESS
Revenge spun Korea based Samsung Electronics announced that it will sell Korea to buy Apple Inc at whatever prices it is available. The company made the shocking annoucement after every road side guy started bullying Samsung's products.

"WTF yaar! Today my driver told me that he doesn't like to use plagiarised version of phones and tablets. Therefore, as soon as Apple launch its new tab and phone he will buy," said Samsung chairman Lee Kun-hee.
He said "This turned my mind insane and I just decided to sell lagging Korean
 Economy and buy Apple Inc which has high growth potential."
Sources said that Lee himself has fucked up using his Samsung phone which uses ridiculous Google Android Operating System and provides useless apps.
"Yea that's true. But what can I do? Till the time I am stuck to Samsung's ridiculously copied phone, I am not able to switch to Apple," said Lee.
"Just his frustration of losing battle against Apple led to take the decision to acquire Apple," said a source closed to the development.
Further the source also said that it was rival company's phone that also restricted him from using.
However, the questions were asked about how the company with profits of $12bn will purchase a mega company Apple which has market cap of over $600bn.
Lee said "I would sell Korea. That's the only option. As it is Korea has no stram left within as the economy is growing at paltry 4% is better to sell off and acquire fast growing Apple Inc."
When India Satire correspondent reached the Korean Government, the comment was Lee confirmed that he was dreaming buying Apple Inc and no such transaction is possible.

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