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Porn star seeks pardon for Sanjay Dutt

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 25 April 2013 | Posted in , ,

President of Indian porn stars and prostitutes, Chameli Bai seeks justice for Sanjay Dutt and asked pardon for him from President of India. This is second prominent social personality after former Chief Justice Markandeya Katju who demanded Sanjay Dutt should be saved from going jail.
"He is such a cutie pie. I feel horny whenever I look at his innocent and bloody drunk eyes. He turns me on yaar," said Chameli Bai moving her hand towards ****.
She also said that it was because Sanjay Dutt the society started relishing the memories of greats like Maharani (Movie-Sadak).
Chameli Bai said "It is time when he worked in movies like Sadak. Because of him, society recalled the Maharanigiri. If President forgives him he can work in more movies like Sadak."
Chameli Bai said that looking at Sanjay Dutt kicks her thought provocation towards making hardcore stuff looks real and therefore he should be considered under humanitarian reasons.
"Whenever I look at him I feel doing more and more. All the fantasies come to real life. I do more and more ****, *****, and *** just watching Sanjay Dutt. Today also when I saw tears in his eyes I felt I should be doing ****," said Chameli Bai.
Chameli Bai confirmed that it was not just her idea to support Sanjay Dutt but many other porn stars actually seeking a bail out to Sanjay Dutt under the humanity and forgiveness.
She said "I think Sanju Baba should be considered under some stuff, oh no just morning I read about that stuff. Some guy named Katju was constantly saying about that. Oh no... Why I am not recalling… oh yea it is something called humanity. Yes he should be considered as a human and should be pardoned. Look at him! He looks like Marcus Robinson (a Sanjay Dutt look-a-like yester year porn star). Ah, such a wonderful guy should not be put into jail. I can't resist my temptation for doing this ****. It is not just me but all my colleagues including John Travor, Suresh Bhai Jaiswal, Manoj Picasso, Lucky Pornographer and many want him so much that I can't tell you."
Reacting to porn star's love and affection towards him Sanjay Dutt cried again.

Experts confirmed that millitary might against India has no medical benefits for China

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 23 April 2013 | Posted in , , , ,

Experts across the World, India and China said that incursion on Indian land will not increase the size of nose, eyes and height of any Chinese man.

"Boss, if Chinese are thinking that their demonstration of millitary power on Indian soil will help them increase their size of their height, nose and eyes then they are thinkingday dreaming. I am sure that even after this encroachment they will continue to look ugly piggy banks," said Zubeid Hussain, an Indian millitary expert.

Recently, Chinese troops entered in Ladaakh, crossing Indian borders cleanly. While experts are still to understand about the reason behind incursion, a leading Chinese newspaper China Daily said that such periodical attacks on India will resolve Chinese genetic problem completely. The leading newspaper which is also known as mouthpiece of Chinese Government said that such efforts will improve looks of average Chinese people and they will be able to impress US and European girls. China Daily also said that it would also help improve sex power of Chinese people, which was always considered as lack of energy and vitality.

The daily said "Otherwise there is no other option left for any average dirty and ugly looking Chinese man. They will never require to take viagra everyday."

North Korea strikes nuclear missiles on its own cities

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 22 April 2013 | Posted in , ,

Kim Jong-un in press conference
North Korea blasted all its major cities to test the effectiveness of its missiles. The cities include capital city Pyongyang and other major cities such as Anju, Chongjin, Chongju and Hamhung. Missiles loaded with nuclear bombs destroyed a million of population in few seconds.
"We wanted to test the effectiveness of our missiles. We were tired of beta testing and eager to check how much they really could destroy the world. Now all these weapons are ready to launch on South Korea, Japan and USA," said North Korea Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un in a packed press conference.
He said "All the blasts are successful and killed a million of people easily. This attack was just a pinch of salt and we can make bigger attacks more easily. If the world wants to see the effectiveness of bigger attack, we can launch it again on our cities."
Kim Jong-un confirmed that he can now threaten developed world with more thrust and vigor.

Political parties busy in collecting 'shit'

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , , ,




Prices of shit and cow dung sky rocketed, as demand from Indian political parties increased ahead of the state and central elections, reported by special bureau of the India Satire.
"All the political parties are buying huge quantities of shit and cow dung from each and every corner of the country before they start their final rallies for the central elections," said Ramcharan Sharma, owner of a largest cow and buffalo tabela in Uttar Pradesh.
Prices of shit increased by 130% and cow dung by 90% in last 2 months after many parties started kicking up their new rallies for the elections. Generally, this shit is used to throw on their rival parties. According to sources, currently Congress and BJP are top 2 buyers.
"It is necessary to collect required stock of dung and shit, as it has to be used all the time of election period. We have just completed purchase of developmental shit from every corner of Gujarat to answer Congress Party’s secular shit," said BJP President Rajnath Singh.
The sources confirmed that many parties are competing with Congress led UPA on purchasing secular shit and Aam Aadmi Party in purchasing corruption shit so that they can come as a third front option.
"My sources said that Mulayam Singh Yadav has routed all the money from his new government in buying secularism as well as anti-Congress anti-CBI shit. This way he will stay in comfortable position if Congress wins in the election or not," said Ramcharan Sharma. However, he also suggested that Mayawati is not yet started bulk purchasing.
Experts suggested that 2014 central elections and elections in many states will see record amount of shit throwing. Parties like Aam Aadmi Party and MNS are resorting to inexpensive corruption and regionalism shit, respectively.
"Their agenda is new and nobody else has chosen it for election campaigning because of high risk nature. Therefore, the shit is also getting at very cheap prices," said expert Rajendra Bandopaddhyay who closely tracks the political developments.
He also said that parties like DMK and AIADMK have sent their shit collectors to Sri Lanka to get shitty developments of anti-Tamil environment.
Election Commission has never formed any kind of rules and regulations over buying shit and therefore political parties have never shown any restraint in bulk purchasing. However, many experts said that Election Commission should come in picture to stop leaders from buying and throwing so much of shit on their counterparts.
Exclusive Report - India Satire

A man regretted buying tickets for ‘Nautanki Saala’ after Ayushmann Khurrana confirmed he is still breathing

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 18 April 2013 | Posted in , ,

An urban man felt sorry after he came to know on Twitter that Ayushmann Khurrana is actually alive. He regretted for buying movie tickets of Khurrana's 'Nautanki Saala'.

"I thought he was dead and therefore bought tickets for his movie 'Nautanki Saala'. It was a small tribute to upcoming star Khurrana by patiently watching that movie for 2 hours. But now as he is not dead, I feel I have made grave mistake of my life," said Ramakant Desai.

Ramakant Desai, a fan of good and watchable movies bought two tickets for Nautanki Saala. He was going for the movie with his girlfriend. Desai thought it would be a good idea to give mark of respect to the freshest star by watching totally stupid movie.

"I never saw Ramakant excited about some crappy and tasteless movie. But he called me in the afternoon said that he wanted to watch Nautanki Saala as the guy starring in the movie is no more. He sincerely wanted to show honor to Ayushmann," said Julie Joseph Fernandes, Ramakant's girlfriend.

Ramakant said "We have now decided to watch the movie just to punish ourselves for our silliest mistake of believing in this kind of rumour."

Justice Markandey Katju announced indefinite fast, will not work till Sanjay Dutt is pardoned

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 16 April 2013 | Posted in , ,

After meeting Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, Press Council of India (PCI) Chairman Justice Markandey Katju announced an indefinite fast. He will not work and fulfill his responsibilities till his plea of clemency for Sanjay Dutt and few other criminals is considered by the Government of India.
"I will not work till the government pardons Sanjay Dutt and four other hardcore criminals," said Katju.
He said "I don't think PCI work is that important. It is a kind of shitty work and can be done by my peon. I want to sacrifice that work on getting justice for these innocent guys. I will not work till I get desired results from my fast."
According to sources, besides paltry PCI work, Katju will restrain himself on taking efforts of eating, sleeping, bathing and scratching till Government responds positively to his fast. He has appointed people to do all this dirty work.
A Delhi based NGO 'Incremental Social Push' has declared its support to Markandey Katju. The venue for fast is still to be decided and formal announcement will come on Wednesday. Though venue is less important matter, Katju is pushing for Jantar Mantar against Ramleela Maidan.
"Whatever ground I would get, it is fine for me. But what is more important is justice to Sanjay Dutt. He sacrificed his 20 years for a paltry 5-year jail. I want the government to take humanitarian stand and allow him to roam free," said Katju.

SP Tulsian recommends buying Gold at whatever price, believes in Bappi Lahiri magic

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 15 April 2013 | Posted in , , ,

Leading market expert and stock analyst SP Tulsian recommended buying gold at whatever price it is available.

"I have studied earlier pattern in the gold prices. I found that whenever gold prices tumble sharply an ace investor Bappi Lahiri buys tons of gold just to add to his jewellery," said Tulsian supporting his argument.

He said Bappi Lahiri who is famous for his investment in gold uses opportunity of falling gold prices for re-entry.

"He was the stabilising factor last time in the gold crash. His investment pattern similar like LIC, which supports equity markets by buying equities at the time of crash. Same way Bappi Lahiri also buys tons of gold from several central banks in the world when the prices tumble," said SP Tulsian.

He also said that whenever Lahiri magic works out, the gold prices become double in a year or two.


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