After ruckus over Steel Minister Beni Prasad Verma's comments on Mulayam Singh Yadav, Congress Party finally agreed that it was under the plan of promoting its new comic book series "Beni Prasad Verma Tales". Beni Prasad Verma said Mulayam Singh Yadav has links with terrorists.

"Vermaji was actually commenting as per our funny and hilarious book series Beni Prasad Verma Tales. The book is actually based on digestible jokes and sensible humour," said Congress Party President Sonia Gandhi.

Sonia Gandhi confirmed that the story came out of elaborate plan for entertaining people for 2014 elections.

Making a statement in the Parliament in front of members, she said "It is our duty to keep Indian people happy using various entertaining modes. Therefore we decided to use comedy books and political circus. However, our last efforts failed due to lack of sensibility and jokes that were far away from ground realities, just whatever you saw what Sir Digvijay Singh and Sushil Kumar Shinde did under this plan. They brought irritation to the wide audience with their insensible humour and overacting. Therefore, we finally decided to introduce Vermaji to take this responsibility. This guy is really hilarious. Earlier, he was on the job of our Personal Entertainer."

Reacting to Sonia Gandhi's statement, Samajwadi Party President Mulayam Singh Yadav said "Oh it was a joke then it's fine otherwise I would have held Parliament for ransom."

Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi changed his look to show a sensible, understanding, intelligent and still more passionate guy on the eve of Uttarakhand visit. According to sources, Rahul Gandhi's makeover was special work of his PR agency to impress workers and send a thoughtful message.

"I want you all to strengthen the party in Uttarakhand," said Rahul Gandhi with serious looks, moving his eyebrows on 1.5 cms up and widening his eyes according to plan drawn by his personal PR agency.

"Everything went according to plan," said Rajeev Sharma, PR of Rahul Gandhi.

He said "We asked him to keep his eyes straight, widen them as like cat does and make a movement of eyebrows by 1.5cms up and down to show seriousness. We urge him to keep 1.5cms as benchmark to give natural feel. He worked perfect just according to plan and we are happy that he infused required energy in his team mates of Uttarakhand."

To gain a momentum in the Indian secularists and intellectuals, Narendra Modi is planning to change his looks to softer and milder.

According to sources in BJP, "Modiji decided to look much softer guy who loves children, different religions and more importantly a circle of intellectuals. He wants to apply it to gain some importance in pro-Congress league of intelligent guys."

If believe in sources, PR agency of Narendra Modi told him that intellectuals and secularists are available in Congress Party only and others are dumbass who don't support Congress. Therefore, finally to enter this league, PR agency will change Modi's makeover just like Nehru to Gandhi making him feel good among intelligent and secular Indians.

"That's true! I also heard that Congress was the only party supported by great thought churners and smart people. That is why I thought of celebrating Children's day on Chacha Nehru's birth day," said Narendra Modi.

He also confirmed that PR agency would develop a plan to help him the need to understand need of this circle.

Sonia Gandhi promised she would not sleep even for a minute until all the rapes stop in India.

"Mere Hindustani bhaaiyo aur beheno. Mein agle ek saal ke liye paach minute bhi naaahi soungi. Raul baba bhi naaahi soyegaa. Congress kaa koi leader bhi naahi soyega," said Congress President Sonia Gandhi addressing a large crowd of women gathered in Delhi on Women's day.

Talking to the crowd she told that she understood the problems of rape victim and her family and disappointed that the male mentality is not at all changing in India.

She said "Ye rapists log chuho jaise hai. Hum idhar se pakaadne jaate hai to wo udhar se aate hai aur rape kaarke chaaale jaate hai. Hume inhe pakaadnaa hai. Jaab tak ye pakade naahi jaate taab tak mein naahi soungi. Baba bhi naahi soyenge. Aur koi bhi naahi soyega."

Congress Party welcomed the move announced by Gandhi and said that they are committed from their hearts. They said that one year time is sufficient to implement Anti-rape bill in India. Even after implementation of this bill if the rapes don't stop then it would be a great non-violent message to all the rapists.

"Madamji's move that she would never sleep puts psychological pressure on rapist to not rape. It is an assure success to stop the rapes in India. Whenever that feeling of rape comes in mind of any rapist, he would also have feeling that Soniaji is not sleeping that is necessary to stop any bad thought in his mind. It would automatically stop him from rape. If somebody rapes and comes to know that great madamji is not sleeping even for a minute just to resist him from such heinous thing, a guilt feeling would come across his mind and spirit and immediately he would surrender to Police," said Congress Spokesperson, Manish Tewari.

Rahul Gandhi's speech writer Kapil Singh Bedi sacked, after an internal commission formed by Congress Party revealed that he replaced Rahul's speech with Manmohan and vice versa.

"We sacked him for his alleged role in replacing Rahul Baba's recent speech with Manmohan Singh and Mr. Singh's with Rahul Baba," said Congress Spokesperon and Minister of State of Telecom, Manish Tewari.

A high level committee was formed by Congress High Command was formed under Senior Leader Digvijay Singh inquiring the reasons behind unrelated statements that High Command should be vanished, dynasty politics should be stopped and Rahul was not interested in PM's post and marriage, etc.

Digvijay Singh said "Actually, the first statement of no interest in PM's job shocked Rahul Baba. Therefore, he has to manage the rest by talking something irrelevant like dynasty politics should be stopped and not interested in marriage, etc."

Mr. Tewari said "Whatever Baba said recently that he was not interested in PM's post, marriage and blah blah blah was actually related to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to show that he wanted to take Sanyaas from political life. However, this stupid Kapil Singh Bedi changed the speeches and he gave Singh's speech to Baba and Baba's speech to Singh."

According to sources, recent fireworks from Manmohan Singh in Parliament was expected from Rahul Gandhi speech in a press conference to show how dynasty politics is strong and can answer the allegations of keeping night watchman on PM's post.

"Everything was literally planned. But this idiot just thrashed everything and the blunder happened," said Tewari.

In an official statement released on late afternoon today, Congress said that whatever Rahul Gandhi and Manmohan Singh said last week was totally unrelated to their views and they reflect views of speech writer. Therefore, whatever they said should be not be taken seriously, as the documents were not received approval before from top 5 leaders of Congress Party, viz., Digvijay Singh, Kapil Sibal, Rashid Alvi, Salman Khurshid and Manish Tewari.

Another Congress leader said that Rahul Gandhi is only candidate suitable for Indian Prime Minister's job.

Puducherry based Youth Congress leader K Balakrishnan said "I endorse Rahul Baba to become India's Prime Minister this time. I ask him to become right now why wait for demon Narendra Modi to take over that chair in 2014. Better seat there right now, Manmohan will easily hand it over to you."

Bala was 84985^th Congress leader who certified Rahul Gandhi as the most ideal candidate suited for PM's job. He also alleged that Rahul's speech was replaced with Manmohanji's speech.

He said "Prima facie evidences suggest that it was what Manmohanji had to say in the Parliament that replaced with Rahul Baba's speech. I suspect speech writer has made some blunder between these letters."

Talking on lack of interest in marriage, Bala asked Rahul "Baba you don't worry if nobody is offering his daughter for your marriage. My daughter Jyothy is always there to marry you. I can make all sacrifices for you."

Reading idea behind Narendra Modi's speech, calling Prime Minister Manmohan Singh as night watchman, 99% of Indian politicians want to appoint night watchmen of their party on PM's post. A survey revealed that even names like Ram Kapoor and Vivek Oberoi were considered by senior leaders of different political parties of India.

"Senior leaders of 6 national parties and 46 state level parties said that they want to have only a small role in deciding who would become the prime minister of India and don't want much," said Survey Organiser Deepak Sharma of SurveyMonkey.

The survey include voting from the big leaders including Rahul Gandhi, Lalkrishna Advani, Mayawati and leaders of state parties like Chandrababu Naidu and Mulayam Singh Yadav.

"While it is SurveyMonkey's policy to keep the names who voted in favour and against in secret, I can say only one thing that 1% wants to become Prime Minister to understand the nitty gritties of the job," said Sharma.

Few politicians already confirmed that they feel night watchwoman would be best fitted for the job.

Sharma also said that many of the politicians considered popular actors like Ram Kapoor, Vivek Oberoi and Shahid Kapoor are suitable for job as they are very flexible.

"Ram Kapoor like guys are ladies special leaders and ostensibly famous among women therefore they are in demand," said one political leader requesting anonymity.

According to sources, scenario was changed after Rahul Gandhi said that he also wanted to step on the foot prints of his mother. Many leaders of political parties recognised that to reach the grass root levels and empower all the MPs they need to put 12th player on the seat and control him for the sake of India's betterment.

"Boss, who fuck wants to get controlled? I like to control somebody, may be Raja Bhaiyya is better fit," said Samajwadi Party President Mulayam Singh Yadav.

Congress spokesperson, Manish Tewari said "Rahulji doesn't want to keep status quo in terms of family run business. He wants to appoint his representative so that he can keep an eye on the organisation while he would be doing for MP empowerement. He wants to keep status quo as the way his mummy showed."