Headlines

Realising media's helplessness on covering Assam issue, government to provide ships to reporters to reach the extreme places

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Saturday, 11 August 2012 | Posted in , ,


Government to import these kind of ships for
Indian media journalists
NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS
Rajdeep Sardesai's post opened the eyes of the government, plans to showcase media unbiased
Rajdeep Sardesai's poston expressing helplessness to reach to Assam's conditions on account of poor roads exposed the government's machinery and showed that the media was never biased, opened the eyes of India's HRD Minister Kapil Sibal and Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde.

"Now my eyes are wet, as Rajdeep discussed the extreme problems that media faces which doesn't allow it to showcase that it is unbiased. It was really an eye opener," said Kapil Sibal.
He said "Therefore, I demand ships and launches for all the journalists of national news channels so they can reach to extreme places like Manipur, Mizhoram and Gujarat."
He also offered media journalists free cycles and lunas so that they can also take advantage of the speed these two vehicles have.
"These fucking OB Vans are useless. We always told Rajdeep in the cocktail parties. We also offered him that the government plans to give bicycles, but that stup*d guy denied. Now tell me he can't directly blame the infrastructure issues on us na," said Sibal.
Sushil Kumar Shinde said "We know this not a media's issue, this is serious issue and therefore to ensure the competitive advantage of media compared to world news channels, we offere the journalists various types of ships and launches to access the poor road infrastructure of India."
While asked about how a ship could be used on the roads, Sushil Kumar Shinde told India Satire Correspondent "Don't make mock of a serious issue, they are like my brothers and I know they require the ships to access these roads. Ships run faster than OB Vans and therefore we thought to retain the unbiasedness of our media and ask them to use these Ships."

Few media personalities plan to be Bangladeshis just to check how warm to be as an illegal immigrant

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,


TOP STORY - POLITICS, SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
Barkha Dutt plans to change her name to Burkha Dutt just to see how it looks
According to sources, many unbiased famous media personalities which include Barkha Dutt, Sagarika Ghose and Rajdeep Sardesai will check themselves as Bangladeshis by adopting the nationality of Bangladesh and then will stay in India and would observe how it feels to be illegal immigrant.

"We are tired of being Indians, it always feel that our natural instinct tells us that our roots were actually from most advanced nations such as Pakistan and Bangladesh and not from this country," told Barkha Dutt to India Satire correspondent.
She said "We hate those from bottom of our hearts whenever few extremists make heated statements on Pakistanis and Bangladeshi immigrants. How ridiculous was that thing! And therefore we decided to open the eyes of Indians which are with highly closed mentalities and don't open their arms to embrace few poor people from other nations. My arms are always open to hug Bangladeshi immigrants."
Ms Dutt gave example of Bangladesh Foreign Minister Dipu Moni how she was humble and invited her to be illegal immigrant in Bangladesh have stay for life.
Dutt told India Satire correspondent that after opening eyes of Indians she would literally leave this country and will stay in Bangladesh as an illegal immigrant.
"I plan to buy good burkha as well," tweeted Barkha to her fans and also told that she would change her name to Burkha Dutt.
Rajdeep Sardesai, husband of Sagarika Ghose told that he is also of very adoptivenature and love to test the warmth of being illegl immigrant.
"I would love to do that," said Rajdeep "I know whenever I will convert myself my fan following on twitter will grow 20 times. Wow so nasty. Also, I will get so many admirers and consolers that I would not able count them."
Rajdeep also informed India Satire correspondent that if Bangladeshies felt bad living in Assam and Mumbai they can come to his house for a long stay.
He said "They are welcome. I even ask them to come to my home. It's your place only. Me and Sagarika will happily stay on the roads. Here in Mumbai slums are allowed and I will construct one slum for myself and Sagarika. I urged my twitter and Facebook fans to convert themselves to Bangladeshis and why not give immigrants their own homes. We can construct slums in Mumbai."
Rajdeep and Sagarika also liked the idea of Barkha Dutt on living in Bangladesh.
"Wow such superb idea Barkha has. I also like her to consider Pakistan where I am dying to go. If she likes to go to Saudi, Rajdeep will also be interested," said Sagarkia Ghose.
Sagarika Ghose also told that she would be arranging SMS poll on how nasty it feels becoming Bangladeshi immigrant on 'Face the Nation'.
(Fake News)

People present at Ramleela maidan found performing Kapalbhati

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 10 August 2012 | Posted in , , ,


NEWS IN BRIEF- POLITICS
Delhi: New Delhi
Baba charisma holds true with his followers
Many people present at Ramleela maidan found performing Kapalbhati pranayam confused with yoga camp and not an agitation campaign. However, the managers of agitation event took serious note and stopped this notorious act.

"Yes few people found actually doing Kapalbhati so we stopped them and told that Ramdev Baba just sat normally on fast and not really performing any kind of yoga," said Rajpal Sharma, a representative and discipline manager at Ramleela maidan.
However, few still remain stubborn and they keep doing kapalbhati, when all the representatives had to take sticks in their hands.
Sharma said "Most of them actually couldn't afford to join Patanjali Yogapeeth's costly yoga campaigns and therefore they thought that this free agitation can be used."
Ramkisan Tripathi said “I thought it is a free yoga shibir which Ramdev Baba arranges once in a 100 years. Therefore, I came here to perform Kapalbhati. But it seems everything different over here.”
Some of the supporters of Ramdev Baba said that actually they were so inspired from the charisma of Baba that they couldn't stop themselves from performing yoga.
"It's kinky feeling whenever we see Ramdev Baba, we actually start Kapalbhati, that we can't help ourselves. Its rather nasty but we really understand how sweating after yoga is so nasty," told Ramanuj Yadav, to India Satire correspondent.
However, finally matter resolved, after Ramdev Baba announced that whoever is performing Kapalbhati will have to pay Rs 50000 per hour.

Ramdev Baba told that India Against Corruption is merged with his Patanjali Yogpeeth

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , , , ,


OPINION: POLITICS
New merged entity will be revived soon and agitation is planned ahead of next Parliamentary Session
Ramdev Baba finally confirmed that his Patanjali Yogpeeth has acquired Anna led India Against Corruption for undisclosed valuations, after many of his supporters shouted that he was copying Anna Hazare's previous year's speech at the time of agitation.

"Yes, now as it’s become a serious question then I have to admit that, Patanjali Yogpeeth merged Team Anna's entity India Against Corruption (IAC) with itself and now onwards Patanjali Yogpeeth will promote the brand IAC in all its agitation," said Ramdev Baba.
He said that both the entities though have different agendas their ultimate blend would provide great business to the stakeholders.
"Consolidation in the area of agitation is required. While now Team Anna plans to change the model, we thought acquiring their entity and clearly expanding," said Baba Ramdev.
However, he denied about mentioning any purchase consideration and method of valuation.
He said "We are not bound by Sebi's regulations and the entity would not have any kind of obligation to disclose the valuation area."
While besides promoting Yoga, Ramdev Baba diversified its Patanjali Yogpeeth into areas of agitation towards black money. However, after realizing that black money is the issue that can't be resolved without reaching to roots of corruption, changing CBI directors and CVC etc, he thought of adding these new segments to the entire portfolio. While region wise anti corruption entities are not lucrative and Team Anna's IAC is just became an eye catcher for the nation, and also Anna wanted to explore new areas, he grabbed the opportunity.
According to sources, Ramdev Baba has just provided a bit of small glance towards his wholly owned subsidiary IAC and he is very serious on reviving the loss-making entity by another agitation just ahead of the next parliamentary session.

Sonia Gandhi cried after watching Baba Ramdev's photo - Salman Khurshid

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 9 August 2012 | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS
Delhi: New Delhi
Congress Party immediately denied Khurshid's statement and said it was his personal observation
Law Minister, Salman Khurshid made a controversial remark saying Madam Gandhi cried after he showed Baba Ramdev's photo with his tummy totally became invisible on 3 day fast.

"Yes when I showed her this (shown above) photo, she literally cried immediately and I found her emotional heart towards martyrs against black money," said Salman Khurshid.
Baba Ramdev is on 3 day fast on Ramleela Ground, Delhi asking government to accept his demands over black money, CBI, Lokpal and many other important issues which are relevant to social justice.
Salman Khurshid told that he got this photo from Google Images of which he immediately took a copy and run to Soniaji to show her what is happening to an aam aadmi.
He said "When I saw the photo to her she saw it for a while then started crying immediately. I saw her tears then she threw the photo on my face asked me why I am disturbing her cool afternoon after the scathing attack made by Sushil Kumar Shinde in Parliament. I was touched and I felt a heart of mother when I saw those tears coming out of her eyes watching the photo."
However, Congress Party denied any such incidence and told that it was Salman Khurshid's personal observation which is not really relevant towards public development.
"It was personal observation of Salmanji. He might have seen tears from eyes, I might have seen sweat dropping on her face. Anybody is welcome to judge anything. However, he actually showed her photo when Baba was performing yoga posture. But right now he is fit," said Congress Senior leader Digvijay Singh.

Sushil Kumar Shinde reveals the secret behind his weird sense of humor

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


NEWS WIRE - POLITICS
Secret revealed 

(Less talkative and shy Sushil Kumar Shinde, India's second only Dalit Home Minister revealed Barkha Dutt how does he score boundaries and sixes by making weird comments? The first one was targeted at Jaya Bachchan.)

Amul milk will be much thicker this year due to drought

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 8 August 2012 | Posted in , ,

Thirsty Amul Cow
NEWS IN BRIEF - BUSINESS
Vadodara: Gujarat
Cows and buffalos to drink less water - GCMMF
Gujarat Co-operative Milk Marketing Federation (GCMMF), producers of Amul milk said today that it will pass on all the benefits of the drought to end user this year. GCMMF said this time it will produce much thicker milk with small layer of cream on the milk on account of reduction in the consumption of Cow and Buffalo's water.

"Whatever less water that our cows and buffalos will consume, the ultimate benefit will be passed on to the consumers," GCMMF's managing director R S Sodhi told India Satire.
Recently, a study revealed that Amul’s milk is thinnerthan water. However, this year would be probably the other case.
He said "We also assure that our Amul Tazaa Milk will give a small layer of cream as well. Consumers can enjoy tea with cream for next year."
Indian Meteorological department (IMD) recently said that monsoon this year was 22% below average. GCMMF's cattle is a one of the biggest consumers of water which helped the producer to process milk thinner than water. However, 22% below average monsoon will straight a way help the company to reduce water intake of cattle and therefore the benefits will be just passed on to the consumers.
However, according to sources all the cows and buffalos are going to protest against GCMMF's decision to curtail the water consumption and are expected to announce hungers strike.

FLICKR PHOTO STREAM

dailyvid