Baba Ramdev announced his eagerness to contest 2014 elections and gift Indian voters a range of herbal and ayurvedic leaders always seating in yoga postures.

"I ensure Indian voters that I will provide them a range of vegetarian herbal leaders in 2014 elections. These leaders would be good for health surrounded by Triphala churn and filled with Shilajit. Triphala Churn will keep their diet good and Shilajit along with Musli Power will provide energy and substance," said Baba Ramdev in a press conference, announcing his entry in political ground.

He said "Our agenda is that every MP will go to each and every voter's house; teach them Kapalbhati so that India will become corruption free."

Baba Ramdev, however, denied to disclose how Is Kapalbhati correlated to corruption free society, despite of insistence from the reporters.

Irritated with so called low IQ satirists and critics, great international management guru, economist, spiritual leader, philosopher, psychologist, doctor, business idol, management idol, economics mastermind, strategist, spiritual strategist and everything in one body, Arindam Chaudhuri decided to start his own internet.

"This is irritating yaar. Anybody comes on the internet and spits on me. Internet has become a very low life and cheap destination to share views. There is actually no intellectual sharing and communication. Look at me. Despite being great world known personality, any cheap chap satirist comes and makes fun out of me. This is fuc*ingly terrible as well as awful. I therefore thought to start my own internet where only intellectual thought leaders are allowed," said IIPM Head and thoughtful leader Arindam Chaudhuri.

Chaudhuri was talking about the incident of blocking the websites with weird and funny content on him. Department of Telecommuication blocked many web pages which made fun of him with lots of criticisms.

He said "Nobody understands real value of gem here. It comes when you feel absence of him." "Bloody, count your chicken before they hatched," he roared.

He said "Therefore, I decided to start my own internet. It will be on the floor as soon as I will migrate entire facebook and twitter fans to it."

Arindam Chaudhuri's internet will start with 'atg' instead of 'www'.

Talking about it, Arindam said "That was because of my great intellectual fans. They said from moving www means we have to take some name and 'Arindam the Great' would be a great way to start with."

Meanwhile, Facebook and Twitter approached Arindam Chaudhuri to take back his decision or at least allow them to set up their web pages on his internet so they would not face any humongous losses of migration of heavily

Opposition parties alleged that Indian Government took bribe from India's one of the leading satire websites India Satire for not blocking its articles on Arindam Chaudhuri. According to sources, Opposition parties plan to logjam the government in the Budget Session of Parliament.

"Shri Department of Telecom ordered to block some websites while ignored serious and damageable articles from the India Satire on Shri Arindam Chaudhuri. We want to understand how much money India Satire paid to the government for not blocking its own content," said BJP leader Sushma Swaraj.

She said "Almost every satire, news website and many other blogs have covered in the order but only India Satire has got ignored. We want to understand the reason why India Satire has received special treatment. Is it authored by some Italian guy?"

According to sources from opposition parties, the leaders of BJP were well aware that the India Satire has covered many articles on Arindam Chaudhuri which he might have felt offensive but readers liked those as they were funny, entertaining and readable. India Satire covered Arindam Chaudhuri and many other time pass and funny personalities like him extensively on its website. However, despite all these facts the Department of Telecom ignored blocking its pages smells some nasty thing.

However, government thrashed all these allegations and said that it never gave preference to any satire. Even Arindam Chaudhuri confirmed that he wasn't offered any money from India Satire to keep its site running.

"It is useless and funny site. I don't think I would have even scrolled through such an idiotic and stupid work. But going forward, I will keep check on this site as well and whenever I found any article on me I will order Department of Telecom to block the site," said Arindam Chaudhuri.

Reacting to Indian Government's largest subsidy scheme of distributing food at huge subsidised rates, many Indians below poverty line (BPL) category demanded subsidized iPhones rather than food.

"Food we can somehow manage to earn. However, these days we feel that buying iPhone and paying its bill is difficult for us," said T Ramanna, a BPL person based in Chennai.

He said "It would be gripping idea and we will automatically force to vote to UPA Government if they give us free iPhone or at least Samsung SIII. The subsidy should also be on recurring basis as these companies update their models every 2-3 years."

A survey conducted by Gallop suggested that 80% of BPL ready to accept change the name of Food Security Bill into Rajeev Gandhi iPhone Distribution Scheme while rest 20% are ready to compensate iPhone but at least get one Samsung SIII.

"Indian consumerism is changing. People can manage something to eat but lavish lifestyle is the real crux. No BPL affords compromising on it," said Prakash Joshi, head Supervisor of Gallop Survey India.

Government thrashed the idea and said that entire survey doesn't valid here as Akash Tablets are already provided at subsidized costs.

"While I am giving you world's best tech phone at 2000 rupees what fucking else you want," asked Telecom Minister Kapil Sibal.

He said "I am planning to launch a better version of iPhone for 700-800 rupees range but right now votes for food is fine for us. After 2014 elections we will plan to think on the demand."

Famous for introducing new and new taxes, India's Finance Minister plans to tax on 'Everything'.

While he avoided giving precise details on what exactly everything means, he said "I like to tax, more and more tax on people. I want tax and more tax. This time I will tax everything. Everything means everything. That includes your eating, shitting, bathing and peeing process. If you are using roads to walk to your office or park you will have to pay tax. If you are reading paper in the park you have to pay tax. Right now I don't want to divulge more details. But I am going to tax more and more. More tax on middle class, more subsidies to farmers, poor people and politicians."

Moderate Separatist and Jammu & Kashmir Liberation Front leader Yasin Malik and terrorist leader Hafiz Saeed slammed each other and thrashed each other's nose and mouth in a sad event. Sources said that fight began immediately after Hafiz Saeed asked Yasin Malik to join as a spokesperson of his party Lashkar-e-Taiba, as soon as Kashmir will be free from India.

"Janaab Saeed asked Yasin Miah that why don't he become LeT's chief Spokesperson as soon as India declare Kashmir is azaad. However, Malik Bhaijaan couldn't take his words in positive manner and told him to shut his mouth as he wanted to become Prime Minister of Azaad Kashmir. Malik Bhaijaan also offered Saeed a job of Security Guard at the main doors of his office," said a source who acknowledged the entire event.

Hafiz Saeed came to mourn the execution of Parliament attack conspirator Afzal Guru in Islamabad whne Malik and some of his supporters observed a 24-hour fast in protest of Guru's hanging.

The source said "Hafiz Bhaijaan immediately slapped on Malik's face and asked him to keep quite otherwise would be killed with AK-56 rifle."

The event turned violent after Yasin retaliating Saeed's slap with a strong punch on his nose and told him to stop dreaming about PM ship of Azaad Kashmir otherwise he would be sent to Afzal Guru's place.

"Finally, after a big fight while both were bleeding, supporters of both the leaders came and rescued them," said the source.

Source added "Saeed Bhaijaan left the dais immediately after Malik Saab threatened him that he would call US military and take the bounty offered on Hafeez Janaab."

Pakistan Interior Minister Rehman Malik called this as a miserable event and blamed India for increasing rivalry between Kashmiri fighters.

"This is all Indian conspiracy to create issues between two prominent leaders. I am sure that India's RAW was operating behind the entire event," said Malik.