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I am holy spirit and good devil - Salman Khurshid
After showing his credentials which include studying and teaching in Oxford, India's Law Minister Salman Khurshid said he was Holy Spirit and Good Devil of the world.
"I am a good demon and sacred ghost in this world. I live on marginal resources such as 71 lakh rupees," said Salman Khurshid in an exclusive interview.
He asked "Can you show me anybody in this world, who has such credentials of consecrated?"
Salman Khurshid who was a bit nervous on why he was targetted for petty sum of Rs 71 lakhs confirmed that his shit is also holy and doesn't ever discriminate.
"Whatever, I spend whatever I exert whatever I do whatever I eat and shit all is holy and whatever I am totally holy," said Salman Khurshid.
Confirming that his white hair and white clothes only projects himself a mid night holy ghost that anybody can see in the night at 12 a.m.
"Yes I am FDA (Food and Drug Administration) approved holy bhoot and not like any kind of sundry ghost from Ram Gopal Varma's movies," said Salman Khurshid.
Suddenly, a dangling, self-emulating white pigeon landed on Salman's head cleaned sat a bit there for few minutes cleaned his tummy and flew away.
Vijay Mallya found giving 1000 rupees cheque to beggar
However, beggar humbly denied for his great help
Vijay Mallya, Chairman of United Spirits Group found giving Rs 1000 cheque to beggars, who were begging on Bangalore streets. However, to the shock of Mallya, great new-age Entrepreneur of India, all the beggars denied his cheque humbly.
India Satire correspondent, who was present on a signal of Bangalore's MG Road said that he saw a car stopped at signal and a beggar as a natural habit went to the car and begged 2-5 rupees. However, a cheque of Rs 1000 came from inside and gave it to the beggar, which he humbly refused to take. Incidentally, the car was owned by Vijay Mallya.
The beggar, B Ramprasad said "I knew it was Mallya. Everyday for last few weeks, whenever we go to him he actually gives us a cheque and asked us to deposit. Initially, first few days we accepted those cheques and deposited in the bank, but all were bounced on account of unavailability of balance. Finally, we stopped accepting them and told him that we only accept cash or credit card that too if he bears 2% service charge."
In another incidence, Vijay Mallya himself went to one beggar called Radhakrishnan Appaswamy and offered him a 1000 rupees cheque for praying God for some bit of respite to him from Kingfisher. However, Radhakrishnan himself refused to accept the same and offered his prayers for free of cost.
How does Rahul Gandhi spend his day?
Rahul Gandhi said 9 out of 10 female world-wide ejaculate
Consistent ejaculation results into loss of productivity and efficiency of the World - Rahul
After making a scathing remark on Punjabi youth, that 70% are addicted to drugs, India's future Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi said that 90% female ex-India generally ejaculates. This sensational statement of Rahul attracted many intellectual women from all over the world.
"Yes! I know it very well, they sometimes ejaculate. And I am damn sure the number is 9 out of 10%. 90% of worldwide female are ejaculating automatically," said Rahul Gandhi giving the reference to the research of Congress Party's International Division.
He said "Being ejaculating sometimes or even everytime, I feel we lost productivity and efficiency, also as a world that makes us quite backward. I want Earth to become the most developed planet in the universe with highest productivity and efficiency. I urge all women to keep themselves calm and be patient, so that as a globe we will be the most developed aliens across the universe."
Rahul Gandhi's remark on female ejaculation just attracted attention of many international women.
International Liberation Front of Intelligent and Never be Idiot Women (ILFINIW) President Julia Foster said "Who is this Raul and why this stupid passing statements on private righteous performance of women?"
She said "How does he know whether a female ejaculate or not? Where did he learn? What is his experience? Are we alien? What kind of nonsense he is making?"
However, Congress Party leaders tried to clarify Rahul's remarks.
Law Minister Salman Khurshid said "See guys, I can give my life for Rahul Baba. He is most intelligent and sensible guy I have ever found in the world. Therefore, keeping your mouth shut and just move your as$es as soon as possible would be good for your health."
Aaradhya Bachchan joins city based gym
Looked focus and concentrating hard on her work
In an exclusive news of India's leading newspaper Times of India, grand-daughter of Bollywood's first family, Bachchan joined city based gym where she will take training for zero figure and good health without eating much. Times of India claimed the success of this exclusive news and also posted Aaradhya's photo in gym on its cover story.
In a sting operation made by Times of India reporter who was on special duty of tracking Aaradhya 24x7 found her in a gym walking around Bench, having exercises such as crunch, sit-ups and front raise, biceps curl, bench press, etc.
"Aaradhya was very much enthusiastic towards all the exercises such as using dumbells, bench, having cardio, etc. But physical trainer, Satyajit Chaurasia asked her to calm down and she can do all the exercises gradually," said source.
The reporter said that Aaradhya looked focus and concentrating as like her mother and grand father.
"I found a lot of conviction in her eyes and face for getting her self to zero figure levels," said the reporter.
However, trainer's denial for more gymming turned everything into sour and Aaradhya started crying for not allowing few more exercises and her mumma, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan had to control her.
"Yes we both were there," said Aishwarya's husband Abhishek Bachchan "While I was incidentally changing her nappy, she started crying. As I couldn't understand the language of kids, Aishwarya told me that it was her desperation to complete all the exercises in first day."
Manmohan Singh claims scams are good for economy
India's Prime Minister Manmohan Singh thrashed Indian people for mindless negativity about graft and scams and asked them to show some sensibility as corruption is an indicator of healthy economy.
"There is no need to cry everyday on the corruption issue. This mindless negativity only damages the image of nation," said Manmohan Singh, addressing the 19th Conference of the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) and State Anti-Corruption Bureaux in New Delhi.
He firmly said "Rather than making hue and cry we should thanks to all those scamsters who kept us in the world map as a big country where the foreign companies can dig more and more money. Our government's firm stand towards working on more and more such scams, promoting various corrupt politicians and officials would only attract more and more foreign money."
"This mindless atmosphere of negativity and pessimism that is sought to be created over the issue of corruption can do us no good. Better keep your mouth shut and allow us to make some more money so that if foreign companies come to India they would have to bring more money," he said.
Manmohan Singh also stressed that the scams and bribes are offered in a healthy economy where two hands easily changes money.
"It will not happen in Mogombo, Udove and Congo. It can happen in the fast growing countries like India. We have to promote it more and more, otherwise what message we are going to send to foreign direct investors that we are available for free and they will get entry in India without paying a shitty penny to us who have authority and power. Corruption is a big indicator that shows, we have power and without paying us we can't allow to make a business here. Same way when our citizen offers some bribe or some idiot ex-minister claims certain amount from businessmen by twisting some norms unusually that is also a sign of prosperity. Listen to me carefully, we have money therefore we have to get money," said Manmohan Singh powerfully, strongly patting on the bench.