Samajwadi Party Chief, Mulayam Singh Yadav demanded a special status for himself in all the CBI cases in return of his reverent support to UPA Government.

"I saw these cheat Congressis gave special status to Bihar just Nitish Kumar demanded. I also want special status for myself in solving CBI cases. The government should call me 'backward'," said Mulayam Singh Yadav in nostalgic voice.

Mulayam Singh was talking about Centre's move to grant Bihar "backward" status, after the state's Chief Minister Nitish persistently demanded it from the UPA Government.

Yadav said "He was not even supporting Congressis in FDI retail still he is getting special status. But I was more backward when I was Chief Minister last time. The government should consider my earnings in that period and my ability to create wealth and grant me a special status in all the CBI cases."

After ruckus over Steel Minister Beni Prasad Verma's comments on Mulayam Singh Yadav, Congress Party finally agreed that it was under the plan of promoting its new comic book series "Beni Prasad Verma Tales". Beni Prasad Verma said Mulayam Singh Yadav has links with terrorists.

"Vermaji was actually commenting as per our funny and hilarious book series Beni Prasad Verma Tales. The book is actually based on digestible jokes and sensible humour," said Congress Party President Sonia Gandhi.

Sonia Gandhi confirmed that the story came out of elaborate plan for entertaining people for 2014 elections.

Making a statement in the Parliament in front of members, she said "It is our duty to keep Indian people happy using various entertaining modes. Therefore we decided to use comedy books and political circus. However, our last efforts failed due to lack of sensibility and jokes that were far away from ground realities, just whatever you saw what Sir Digvijay Singh and Sushil Kumar Shinde did under this plan. They brought irritation to the wide audience with their insensible humour and overacting. Therefore, we finally decided to introduce Vermaji to take this responsibility. This guy is really hilarious. Earlier, he was on the job of our Personal Entertainer."

Reacting to Sonia Gandhi's statement, Samajwadi Party President Mulayam Singh Yadav said "Oh it was a joke then it's fine otherwise I would have held Parliament for ransom."

Reacting to the allegations by media, Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Akhilesh Yadav said that development is invisible and can only feel.

"Boss, it's not necessary that all the development work is visible. Tell me, can you see air? But you can feel it. Development in Uttar Pradesh is same thing. You can only feel it and not necessarily you can see it by open eyes," said Akhilesh Yadav.

On completion of first year to his government, a leading news paper has alleged Akhilesh Yadav that his promises mostly unfulfilled.

Yadav said reporters "My government has fulfilled all the promises but the work and effects are invisible. You need special eyes to see them and not ordinary ones. But now that you don't have those special, angelic eyes I give you the list of my achievements."

List of Achievement

Promises

w  Law and Order situation will be improved

w  Communal riots will be declined

w  Rapes will be reduced

w  Development work all over the state

w  Tablets to Class X students

Invisible Achievements

w  Law and Order situation improved in Karachi, immediately after Akhilesh Yadav joined UP assembly

w  Communal riots declined just recently 2 days back in Dhaka

w  Rapes reduced in Haryana to 75 per day from 77 per day

w  Development work all over Gujarat, better road projects in Maharashtra and good quality bridges, damns and metro railways all over South India, just after joining Akhilesh

w  Central Govt yet to declare plan on free Akash tablets to Class X. As soon as Pappa becomes Prime Minister he would introduce such scheme.

Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi changed his look to show a sensible, understanding, intelligent and still more passionate guy on the eve of Uttarakhand visit. According to sources, Rahul Gandhi's makeover was special work of his PR agency to impress workers and send a thoughtful message.

"I want you all to strengthen the party in Uttarakhand," said Rahul Gandhi with serious looks, moving his eyebrows on 1.5 cms up and widening his eyes according to plan drawn by his personal PR agency.

"Everything went according to plan," said Rajeev Sharma, PR of Rahul Gandhi.

He said "We asked him to keep his eyes straight, widen them as like cat does and make a movement of eyebrows by 1.5cms up and down to show seriousness. We urge him to keep 1.5cms as benchmark to give natural feel. He worked perfect just according to plan and we are happy that he infused required energy in his team mates of Uttarakhand."

To gain a momentum in the Indian secularists and intellectuals, Narendra Modi is planning to change his looks to softer and milder.

According to sources in BJP, "Modiji decided to look much softer guy who loves children, different religions and more importantly a circle of intellectuals. He wants to apply it to gain some importance in pro-Congress league of intelligent guys."

If believe in sources, PR agency of Narendra Modi told him that intellectuals and secularists are available in Congress Party only and others are dumbass who don't support Congress. Therefore, finally to enter this league, PR agency will change Modi's makeover just like Nehru to Gandhi making him feel good among intelligent and secular Indians.

"That's true! I also heard that Congress was the only party supported by great thought churners and smart people. That is why I thought of celebrating Children's day on Chacha Nehru's birth day," said Narendra Modi.

He also confirmed that PR agency would develop a plan to help him the need to understand need of this circle.

Rahul Gandhi's speech writer Kapil Singh Bedi sacked, after an internal commission formed by Congress Party revealed that he replaced Rahul's speech with Manmohan and vice versa.

"We sacked him for his alleged role in replacing Rahul Baba's recent speech with Manmohan Singh and Mr. Singh's with Rahul Baba," said Congress Spokesperon and Minister of State of Telecom, Manish Tewari.

A high level committee was formed by Congress High Command was formed under Senior Leader Digvijay Singh inquiring the reasons behind unrelated statements that High Command should be vanished, dynasty politics should be stopped and Rahul was not interested in PM's post and marriage, etc.

Digvijay Singh said "Actually, the first statement of no interest in PM's job shocked Rahul Baba. Therefore, he has to manage the rest by talking something irrelevant like dynasty politics should be stopped and not interested in marriage, etc."

Mr. Tewari said "Whatever Baba said recently that he was not interested in PM's post, marriage and blah blah blah was actually related to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to show that he wanted to take Sanyaas from political life. However, this stupid Kapil Singh Bedi changed the speeches and he gave Singh's speech to Baba and Baba's speech to Singh."

According to sources, recent fireworks from Manmohan Singh in Parliament was expected from Rahul Gandhi speech in a press conference to show how dynasty politics is strong and can answer the allegations of keeping night watchman on PM's post.

"Everything was literally planned. But this idiot just thrashed everything and the blunder happened," said Tewari.

In an official statement released on late afternoon today, Congress said that whatever Rahul Gandhi and Manmohan Singh said last week was totally unrelated to their views and they reflect views of speech writer. Therefore, whatever they said should be not be taken seriously, as the documents were not received approval before from top 5 leaders of Congress Party, viz., Digvijay Singh, Kapil Sibal, Rashid Alvi, Salman Khurshid and Manish Tewari.

Another Congress leader said that Rahul Gandhi is only candidate suitable for Indian Prime Minister's job.

Puducherry based Youth Congress leader K Balakrishnan said "I endorse Rahul Baba to become India's Prime Minister this time. I ask him to become right now why wait for demon Narendra Modi to take over that chair in 2014. Better seat there right now, Manmohan will easily hand it over to you."

Bala was 84985^th Congress leader who certified Rahul Gandhi as the most ideal candidate suited for PM's job. He also alleged that Rahul's speech was replaced with Manmohanji's speech.

He said "Prima facie evidences suggest that it was what Manmohanji had to say in the Parliament that replaced with Rahul Baba's speech. I suspect speech writer has made some blunder between these letters."

Talking on lack of interest in marriage, Bala asked Rahul "Baba you don't worry if nobody is offering his daughter for your marriage. My daughter Jyothy is always there to marry you. I can make all sacrifices for you."

Reading idea behind Narendra Modi's speech, calling Prime Minister Manmohan Singh as night watchman, 99% of Indian politicians want to appoint night watchmen of their party on PM's post. A survey revealed that even names like Ram Kapoor and Vivek Oberoi were considered by senior leaders of different political parties of India.

"Senior leaders of 6 national parties and 46 state level parties said that they want to have only a small role in deciding who would become the prime minister of India and don't want much," said Survey Organiser Deepak Sharma of SurveyMonkey.

The survey include voting from the big leaders including Rahul Gandhi, Lalkrishna Advani, Mayawati and leaders of state parties like Chandrababu Naidu and Mulayam Singh Yadav.

"While it is SurveyMonkey's policy to keep the names who voted in favour and against in secret, I can say only one thing that 1% wants to become Prime Minister to understand the nitty gritties of the job," said Sharma.

Few politicians already confirmed that they feel night watchwoman would be best fitted for the job.

Sharma also said that many of the politicians considered popular actors like Ram Kapoor, Vivek Oberoi and Shahid Kapoor are suitable for job as they are very flexible.

"Ram Kapoor like guys are ladies special leaders and ostensibly famous among women therefore they are in demand," said one political leader requesting anonymity.

According to sources, scenario was changed after Rahul Gandhi said that he also wanted to step on the foot prints of his mother. Many leaders of political parties recognised that to reach the grass root levels and empower all the MPs they need to put 12th player on the seat and control him for the sake of India's betterment.

"Boss, who fuck wants to get controlled? I like to control somebody, may be Raja Bhaiyya is better fit," said Samajwadi Party President Mulayam Singh Yadav.

Congress spokesperson, Manish Tewari said "Rahulji doesn't want to keep status quo in terms of family run business. He wants to appoint his representative so that he can keep an eye on the organisation while he would be doing for MP empowerement. He wants to keep status quo as the way his mummy showed."

Rahul Gandhi expressed his pleasure over the low traffic in generally crowded Mumbai and asked his party counterparts in Delhi to implement same traffic structure.

"I am pleasantly surprised that there was no traffic at all on Mumbai streets. It was totally contradictory to what I heard that Mumbai was crowded on the street. I immediately congratulated to Chief Minister Prithviraj Chavan for the success in maintaining traffic low on the streets," said Rahul Gandhi, expressing his happiness over the low traffic that he had faced in generally said peak hours of Mumbai.

He was visiting Mumbai the Congress party's Mumbai office, Tilak Bhavan, on Friday.

"We are highly gratified with Rahul Baba's comments and told that it was his blessings which helped us traffic issues in Mumbai and made this city a great place for businesses," said CM Prithviraj Chavan.

Rahul Gandhi said that he talked with his mother Sonia Gandhi and Delhi CM Sheila Dikshit to implement Mumbai like infrastructure.

In an event that even surprises IIPM dean Arindam Chaudhuri, the UPA Government accepted all the suggestions from Arindam Chaudhuri's alternative budget. It took each and every suggestion that Arindam had made in his alternate budget presentation on Zee Business. The government removed all its own provisions and only Budget Paper of Arindam would be tabled in the Parliament.

"Yes this is shocking. I wasn't aware that the Government would take all of my stup*d suggestions so seriously. I thought I was just making some kind of time pass by presenting my recommendations. However, the government took it seriously, shocking!" said Arindam Chaudhuri, popular dean of IIPM.

Arindam Chaudhuri every year presents recommendations to Finance Minister on what he should include in the budget along with his expert opinions on different topics. These views also help clear the air on the curiosity of Indian public on what exactly his opinion is on certain sociological matters. While previous year, Arindam presented his budget suggesting Rahul Gandhi's alternative, this time he openly supported Narendra Modi.

Experts argued that accepting Arindam Chaudhuri's recommendation is out of fear that a big community would move from the government.

"Boss, he is the only dean who has Facebook fans more than 2mn. His open endorsement to Narendra Modi means, losing more than 2mn votes for UPA Govenrment. They can't ignore him," said vote bank expert, Yogendra Yadav.

However, Arindam denied all such allegations. He said "Facebook fans matter. But what a great intellectual person that is popular not just across the world but across many millions of planets say matters most. You may not aware but last year my recommendations were accepted by finance minister of Planet CRACK020420, a planet that is 43593mn light years away from the earth."

According to government sources, accepting Arindam's recommendations was the idea to stop him issuing such recommendations, going forward.

"Yesterday, Chidduji accidently saw Arindam's Alternate Budget program on Zee Business and suddenly went into depression. He immediately called us and told that accept whatever this guy is telling on the TV and send him a mail that this time we accept all of your recommendations but next year onwards stop giving your lectures and depressing us. You can put a dagger in back but don't give me your recommendations," said a finance ministry official.

A mentally retarded and inefficient Congress Member of Parliament expects one of the top positions in the cabinet ministry after 2014 elections. He said that he has all the qualities that will help him to claim best of the seats after 2014 General elections.

He said "My obsequious character is well known in the party. For 700 times in last one year I said that I could have died anytime Madamji or Rahul Baba had asked me. I also told our party members for 347 times in last 4 months that Rahul Baba is best suited for PM's job in all the party meetings. Though, earlier they used to ignore me, gradually they started taking the note of it and result is Baba appointed for the position of Congress Party. I have good experience of boot licking."

The said MP is famous for his flattering behavior in all the Congress Party members. His track record in terms of party worker meeting, responsible work for constituent members and use of funds for the benefits of people in his constituencies is unbelievably awesome. The MP has never visited his constituency in last 10 years.

"I never left Delhi for last 10 years and served Madamji and Rahul Baba as much as I could," said the MP.

He also confirmed that many other MPs are jealous with him as he was the top runner of the position like home ministry, external affairs ministry or even telecom and finance ministry.

"Currently my eyes are on how to groom up Baba for the job of PM's post. Madamji yesterday only told me that she was very happy with my serving nature and told me that if I am such a good with Gandhi family how much great I would serve to Indian people. Therefore, she told me that don't hurry up for minister's post right now as it is now only for one year. She told me that she would give the position after 2014 elections."

He said considering track record like Sushil Kumar Shinde was alloted with a great position of home ministry, he would also get similar responsible and important job.

Sources close to West Bengal Chief Minister said that CM Mamata Banerjee was slapping herself for at least thousand times for last two days, after she realised that she was one of the biggest hypocrites of India. She also asked her chaukidar (watchman) and sweeper to slap hard on her face.

Rahul Gandhi who was on a visit to Eastern state Meghlaya, inaugurated a specially constructed toilet for aam admis of Meghalaya. The toilet was constructed by young Congress leaders when they had some spare times.

"I am feeling proud and happy for inaugurating such a wonderful and full of advanced technologies toilet for my fellow Meghalayans. I would urge them to visit the most advanced and easiest to use toilet in the world," said Rahul Gandhi.

After a hard work of 6 months, young Congress leaders in Meghalaya built a toilet in Nongpoh where Rahul Gandhi personally visited. The toilet has facilities like Air Conditioner, 24-hour power generator backup, automatic lift to allow user seat comfortably and auto clean mode.

Dr Mukul Sangma as a young and dynamic leader of Congress in Meghalaya said "Congress Party was always caring for Indian people. This toilet is a symbol for every Indian and great milestone to the world. This toilet can be used by anybody over a life time. He would neither need to unclean his hands and nor need to sweat when difficult times are there." Sangma also informed that the toilet seat can change its colour according to user preferences.

Sangma also told Rahul "Baba is great symbol to young Congress leaders. Therefore we are thankful for him to inaugurate world's only advanced potty system and now urge him to seat on PM's chair."

Rahul Gandhi said "I like to set examples by executing the task myself. I personally used this toilet and recommend it as a best one in the world. I specifically ask Meghalayan youth to test what the work young Congress leaders have done for them. This is youth empowerment that what I want to show you guys. So what are you waiting for, just come in the cue to use this toilet."

Baba Ramdev announced his eagerness to contest 2014 elections and gift Indian voters a range of herbal and ayurvedic leaders always seating in yoga postures.

"I ensure Indian voters that I will provide them a range of vegetarian herbal leaders in 2014 elections. These leaders would be good for health surrounded by Triphala churn and filled with Shilajit. Triphala Churn will keep their diet good and Shilajit along with Musli Power will provide energy and substance," said Baba Ramdev in a press conference, announcing his entry in political ground.

He said "Our agenda is that every MP will go to each and every voter's house; teach them Kapalbhati so that India will become corruption free."

Baba Ramdev, however, denied to disclose how Is Kapalbhati correlated to corruption free society, despite of insistence from the reporters.