NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

Vaishali Deshpande, 25 feels horny when she looks at meaty body of Nitin Gadkari. She oozes juices of heaven just by staring at Gadkari.

"He looks so bizarre and I like bizarre people," said Ms. Deshpande, talking exclusively to India Satire correspondent.

She said "I love to stare at Gadkari's belly and imagining it being bear. I also like his cheeks and have nasty dream of touching them. Wow what a beautiful boneless structure. Nobody in the Indian politics has such a well-formed figure." She confirmed that she was not really inspired from the movie 'Aiyyaa' and it is her personal interest that developed even before the movie released.

Nitin Gadkari who is in the news these days for some wrong reasons are considered as benchmark for next generation to attract more and more attention of Indian ladies.

Ms Deshpande said "Actually, his meaty face and structure tempts me to become non-vegetarian but still somehow till he meets me personally I would love to be a vegetarian."

NEWS IN BRIEF - BOLLYWOOD

Talking about the success of Jab Tak Hai Jaan was on the shoulders of Shahrukh Khan (SRK), film producer Aditya Chopra said he was immortal and it is insignificant to talk about his age.

"Actually, we are undecided at what age we think he would require to work with actress more than 30 years," said Aditya Chopra, son of the great Director Late Yash Chopra.

He said "We think we like to see him running behind some 20 to 30 age group girls and not behind somebody who is in her early 30s or late 35s. By the way, Yashji after completing Jab Tak Hai Jaan was thinking of casting SRK with Aaradhya Bachchan. He was serious about her debut."

Talking about why he was made an army officer, Aditya Chopra said "We actually thought making boring Army profession a bit interesting and glamorous. We also wanted to remove the stupid perception that Army Officers can't keep beared and can't resort to long hair."

NEWS IN BRIEF - WORLD

New China government led by president-in-waiting Xi Jinping made a strong statement with shouting and trouncing his both the hands on the bench that the world has to adopt Chinese language to be with China.

"Boss, everybody has to demand cheap Chinese goods and products in Chinese language or otherwise go to hell or to US and Europe," said Jinping who also said that the country should not try to "appease" the West on this point.

Strongly mentioning his point, Jinping said "WTF guys, you don't understand how much difficult it is to learn English. Chinese is quite simple and easy. It is socialist too, if we consider that most of the people in the world speak only and only Chinese and no language else."

Sources said that Barack Obama in his newly elected government is also going to make it compulsory to all the governors to learn Chinese first and to teach it to public in their territories.

"Yea that circular we have received. Just trying to understand how do they design," said one Governor of the US without disclosing his name.

Jinping said in his speech to the nation that instead, the country should proceed determinedly to establish socialism with Chinese characteristics in the country. In practice, it would be a continuously evolving system, which, while successful economically, be in sharp contrast to what has been promoted by the West.

"We also have to wear clothes in Chinese language and not to imitate the wearing style of West," said Jinping who immediately removed his black coat, shirt, tie, belt, pant and also undergarment in front of the nation and immediately wear beautiful red coloured Chinese gown.

He said "We don't wear anything below our gown. Not even undergarments, which is western style of wearing clothes. I instruct all Americans to stop wearing all of their clothes and shift to Chinese gown.I am also going to wear a dragon hat."

He put a dragon hat on his head and immediately threw some fire from his mouth, saying grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

TOP STORY - POLITICS

India's Prime Minister kept 2-minutes silence before delivering his speech at prestigious Economic Times (ET) Awards. While the reason was unknown to everybody, industry circle said it may be out of habit or somebody must have died just before him presenting his speech.

"I would like to keep 2 minutes of silence at this one of the most prestigious event of Indian business," said Manmohan Singh when speaker invited him to dias to say something.

After Manmohan Singh's urge to keep silence for 2 minutes, every industrialist present over there kept quite without knowing the exact reason.

"I think it may be that we are at some special event and he was first time getting some award so may be that is why he as," said L&T's Chairman A.M. Naik.

Birla Group's Kumar Mangalam Birla said "I am not sure why he asked us to keep silent. He may be giving condolence to all the soldiers who had given their lives on the battle ground."

Industry sources said that most of the industrialists surprisingly looked at each other while they were silent for 2 minutes, trying to understand how it was possible to attain such a level of homogeny in any action.

"We are united that is what Mr. Singh wanted to convey us," said Mukesh Ambani "However, I felt that Anil was not quite. He was talking with himself."

"I don't believe anybody. If there is a silence then there must be a death. I am damn sure somebody must have died before Manmohan Singh came to the event and that is why he asked us to keep silent for 2 minutes," said Anil Agarwal of Sterlite Industries.

Kotak Mahindra Bank's Uday Kotak said "I don't know why he kept quite but I believe, in 2 minutes there is thousands of crore rupees of turnover moves in the stock markets. I can't be silent everyday."

Few sources inside the PM's house said "Generally, PM keeps silence for 2 minutes just to show commiseration to the death of aam aadmi (mango men) because of inflation, corruption, stupid government policies, idiot politicians, selfish industrialists and wicked state of India. ET Award was the best event where at least he inadvertently asked all the industrialists to keep silent just to condole India's common man."

P.S.: According to sources, during the period of silence Union Cabinet Minister of Commerce and Industry and Textiles, Anand Sharma inadvertently said something for which he received a sharp and bitter stare from Dr. Manmohan Singh.