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SBI filed a defamation suit against Arvind Kejriwal for irresponsible statement

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 9 November 2012 | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - BUSINESS

India's largest bank, State Bank of India was another who filed a legal suit on Arvind Kejriwal for making an irresponsible statement.

"How can he make such statement? We are the largest bank in India and we have so many customers who just require following a small 2-3 hour cue to open an account. Tell me, how much time it will require to go to Switzerland and open an account? Just making such irresponsible statements would not be done," said SBI's Chairman Pratip Chaudhuri.

Arvind Kejriwal claimed in his press conference that opening an account in SBI is much more difficult than opening an account in a Swiss bank.

According to sources, information that Kejriwal was going to make the statement on SBI was leaked and therefore despite of good quarterly earnings, the stock price fell down sharply.

Mukesh Ambani filed a suit against Arvind Kejriwal for undermining his wealth in Swiss Banks

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - BUSINESS

Owner of Reliance Industries and India's wealthiest businessman, Mukesh Ambani filed a suit against aspiring politician Arvind Kejriwal for undermining his black money in Swiss bank. Kejriwal earlier accused Ambani brothers for stashing away Rs 100 crore each on their personal accounts in the Swiss branch of HSBC.

"WTF! How is it possible that we will keep our one month salary in the Swiss bank? That looks so ridiculous and portrays us a poor Indian rather than richest Indian," said Mukesh Ambani.

He said "We could have been happier if he had said that we had some 1-2 lakh crore amount outside India. But that's Rs 100 crore look so fucking that we feel embarrassing to attend any party."

The embarrassment came to Burman brothers of Dabur who put some paltry 25 crore rupees in Swiss bank, according to Kejriwal. However, they denied that they would like to sue Kejriwal as they have some more work to do.

"We don't have time to run behind Kejriwal. It is always better to run for few more bucks so that Swiss bank will give us more incentives," said Anand Chand Burman of Dabur.

Anil Ambani, however, supported his brother and said that he is finding out legal options to sue Kejriwal.

"I want to ask him only one question. Despite agreeing that I am becoming poorer much fast than Vijay Mallya, why did Arvind Kejriwal undermined my black money? Rs 100 crore is so cheap, yucks," said Anil Ambani.

Reaction to all the developments, Vijay Mallya said "He he he. These Ambanis were showing their attitude everyday as they are wealthiest. But now I come to know they need some funding help from me. Ha ha ha. This is bigger joke that I am saving Kingfisher by selling my profitable business. He he he. Ho ho ho."

Rahul Gandhi bought new clothes on Diwali

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

India's future Prime Minister, Rahul Gandhi bought new clothes for himself on the auspicious occasion of Diwali. The formal t-shirt and jeans was selected by his mother Sonia Gandhi. He was also gifted with a set of new handkerchiefs and socks on this Diwali by his mother.

"This Diwali is really beautiful for me. I am going to wear new clothes. Mummy has bought me 5 different sets of clothes which include mixture of Indian and Italian traditions. Wow so much fun I will have this Diwali," said Rahul Gandhi in an exclusive interview to India Satire Correspondent.

According to sources, Rahul Gandhi was also gifted a range of fire crackers which would not include bombs for safety reasons and precautions.

"Yea I love to spend whole night with fire crackers," said Rahul Gandhi.

Sonia Gandhi also took serious precaution by appointing Gang of 5 comprises of Digvijay Singh, Kapil Sibal, Salman khurshid, Sriprakash Jaiswal and Beni Prasad Verma as caretakers when Rahul himself would lighten up the crackers.

Sources said that all the sweets are ordered from Delhi's famous Ghasitaram Halwai and all are favorites of Rahul. Congress sources said that the party leaders also arranged a bucket filled with Cadbury Gems and different chocolates.

"Baba likes chocolates so much that all party leaders decided to give him Cadbury Gems filled in 40 buckets of different colours," said Security Guard of 10 Janpath, Kumar Bansal.

Many Congress leaders also blessed that Rahul will marry to some aunty at least this year and they will see a couple in the next Diwali.

Finally, with all the blessings, sweets and crackers Rahul decided to map the brains of all Congress leaders in a serious brain storming. In a new work of second most powerful leader in the government, Rahul decided to grade all the ministers from number 3 to whatever.

Barack Obama to marry Mitt Romney to rehabilitate him post US Presidential election loss

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 8 November 2012 | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - WORLD

Most liberal US President towards LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgenders) community, Barack Obama announced that he will marry Mitt Romney in a grand ceremony. This way Obama will rehabilitate the losing candidate in the US Presidential race and also pass the message that what he preaches he also follows that.

"Guys, I really feel sad for Romney who could not match my excellence. However, I am giving him an opportunity to become my wife so that he will be entitled to become another first lady of the great United States of America," said Barack Obama in front of a packed conference.

Taking Romney's hand into his hand, Obama said "Right at this point of time I want to announce that Romney is my wife and I will marry him in a grand ceremony for rehabilitating his life and betterment of our esteemed LGBT community."

Obama also recalled his liberal stand over LGBT community in his last term.

"I was so kind and humble enough to love all LGBT dudes. But in my first appearance as a US President I just opened gay marriages but now I will prove by marrying Romney that I am also follow what I preaches," said Obama.

He also told that his wife Michelle is very much ready for this marriage, as she feels rather than marrying a woman it is better to marry a guy.

LK Advani turned 85 today, bowed down to 89 year old Ram Jethmalani

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 7 November 2012 | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

Lalkrishna Advani who turned 85 today met 89 years old Ram Jethmalani, one of the oldest leaders of BJP who just recently announced that he would never retire from politics. Advani bowed down to Ram Jethmalani, touched his feet and took blessings for rather an undisputable continuity in the Indian politics.

"Yea I took his blessings and asked him to sit on PM's post. However, he said what I would do with PM's post now at this age. He told me that he would like to remain a mentor for the new generation politicians and younger leaders like me are require to handle PM's responsibility," said Lalkrishna Advani.


Ram Jethmalani also advised him to stay away from notorious kids like Narendra Modi and Nitin Gadkari.

Jethmalani said "These stupi*s will not allow you to become India's PM despite you reach 120 or 130 years. Therefore, I believe you keep your blog post alive and write whatever you feel about kids and make the mindset of Indians clear the doubts about these people."

Nitish Kumar visits Mohammad Ali Jinnah tomb in Pakistan kisses it and said that he was Jinnah's father in his last birth

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,


TOP STORY - POLITICS, WORLD
Nitish Kumar gave his blood sample to match with Jinnah’s DNA
Nitish Kumar who is on a week-long Pakistan visit since Friday revealedthat he was father of father of Pakistan, Mohammad Ali Jinnah and now took a rebirth as Nitish Kumar. He also told Pakistani awaam that he is ready to give his DNA sample on the spot to prove his claim.

"I am ready to give the proof that I was his Abbu jaan. Take my DNA sample on the spot here only and match it with his DNA from his skeleton. In my last birth I was his father and he was my beloved son," said Nitish Kumar in an emotional dialogue with Pakistani politicians and public. A dark and smothering lump in his throat clearly felt while he was expressing that he was the only father of the father of Pakistan, a forefather of current generation of Pakistan.
He kissed Mohammad Ali Jinnah's tomb, Mazar-e-Quaid again and again saying I love you my son, at least for 274 times when one Pakistani Minister stopped him and told him that tomb is fully wet now and there is no space to kiss anywhere. With heavy heart he left the tomb as it is which thereafter cleaned by a cleaner. Sobbing Kumar cleaned his wet eyes and told Pakistani people that he was the same guy whom the civilians of Pakistani eagerly trying to find out.
"Many people ask me who are the ancestors of Jinnah and how was the father of Jinnah who gave birth to such a wonderful child. I said I am that guy. I had realised it since my birth only that I was his father in my last birth. I intentionally came here again to meet him but he left early," said Nitish Kumar just removing few drops from his eyes.
While everybody near the tom started muttering, he said "Don't worry, here I give you my blood sample. Take my DNA, it is same that Jinnah had. He is my blood. I came here to fulfill his dream and I am ready to become Pakistani President right now, right at this point of time." Nitish Kumar took a knife from the gun of a security guard just cut his hand and let all the blood flow into a glass and gave it to Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari and told him "Zardari, immediately go to a doctor and show this sample and match it with Jinnah and prove that I was the same guy who was Abbu jaan."

Ram Jethmalani said he is still undecided whether to retire from politics now or not

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

INTERVIEW

Ram Jethmalani who along with his son Mahesh Jethmalani offered his resignation of BJP leader said he is still undecided whether to retire from politics or not.

"I will join Congress or some sundry small party like Samajwadi or BSP or even Biju Janata Dal," said veteran politician Ram Jethmalani in an exclusive interview to India Satire correspondent.

He said "My son is talking with even Telugu Desam Party chief Chandrababu Naidu for inviting us to an esteemed post of Member of Parliament from Rajya Sabha. We are also talking to Assam Gana Parishad leader."

Ram Jethmalani who just completed his 89 years on 14th September said that he is not really thinking about retiring from politics and feels that this is the best age to change some parties.

"Actually, best what we like is to talk and my job of politician allows me to talk and talk and talk only. So for me it is best age to be a politician till the nature put a band on my mouth or shut my tounge because of over talk," said Ram Jethmalani shutting down any hope that we would not see him talking again.

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