Headlines

Barack Obama and Mitt Romney confirmed that they are friends outside by spitting on each other

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 6 November 2012 | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - WORLD
Trashing popular notion that they are rivals, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney confirmed that they feel like they are damn good friends like ass and asshole. To demonstrate their friendliness they spitted on each other.
"Guys, we actually proclaim as rival on the stage of US Presidency elections. But inside we are friends and admirers of each other and we have heavy bondage for each other," said US President Barack Obama who kept his hand on Romney's waist and told him to come closer so that they could demonstrate their love and affection to each other.
Both the Presidential candidates are going through a rigorous test of elections today.
"Results really don't matter we will remain as best friends and mostly whenever we will meet next time onwards we will hug and caress each other. It is damn fucking ass holes US civillians are that we have to portray them as enemies," said US President candidate Mitt Romney.
There after they demonstrated their love and affection by spitting thrice on each other while making grrrrr sound.

Congress slammed Digvijay Singh for not reading full news regarding Nitin Gadkari

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 4 November 2012 | Posted in ,

Telling whatever senior leader Digvijaya Singh said was very personal to him and doesn't really demonstrate his reading skills, Congress said that it understood the crux of BJP President Nitin Gadkari's statement on IQ levels of Swami Vivekananda and Dawood Ibrahim.
"Yes yes we understood what Gadkari wanted to say otherwise we would be involved into category of low IQ people," said Congress leader and part time minister Manish Tewari when reporters asked him did he really understand what Gadkari said in Bhopal function.
He said "It was not really difficult to understand what he said. He just said that IQ level doesn't matter what matters is intention. A similar IQ guy can become a nation builder while other may become terrorist. One becomes Robert Vadra and other becomes DLF's owner KP Singh. It was not really difficult to understand that."
Sources said Congress leaders tried to show that they have some bit more IQ level than journalists and news editors which easily twisted Gadkari's statement.
"Yea that's true," said Manish Tewari answering a question from media reporter "We have better IQ than many news reporters."
However, when asked whether Digvijaya Singh's statement that Gadkari has same IQ compared with Ajmal Kasab, he said that Kasab's IQ is not yet tested.
However, Tewari said "I came to know that Diggyji reads only headline of the news and doesn't like to waste any time and immediately reacts. We would like to tell him to sometime take your time and read full news and then express your emotions."

Nitin Gadkari attempted suicide after news media twisted his statement

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

Facing shameless misery of life which got added by a twisted story by news media, BJP President finally attempted a suicide by roping himself on fan. However, due to heavy weight the rope broke down and Gadkari fell on the floor. The news was reported by a India Satire correspondent who sweeps in Gadkari's house.
News Reports from our special correspondent at Nitin Gadkari's house
"I want to die my darling, I want to die," Nitin Gadkari found saying his wife, expressing about his miserable life which today entire news media converted to low life.
"Dear, even I was slapped by that Diggy who has lower life than me. Demonstrating over intelligence is such a tricky thing in this life. News media can do anything. It's IQ is even lower than mine," said Gadkari. While his wife Kanchan Gadkari was condoling him and provided a support with few conditions, Gadkari was damn emotional and crying a loud.
He said "WTF yaar. I can't imagine whatever I said the media would twist it that way. Even that Yeddy must be laughing on me."
Entire News media said to have totally twisted Nitin Gadkari's statement that as per psychology if we can compare the IQ level of Swami Vivekananda and that of Dawood Ibrahim, then it could have been almost the same. But Vivekananda used it in nation building, brotherhood and spiritualism while Dawood used that in excelling in crime world.
However, news media reported that Gadkari said Swami Vivekananda and Dawood Ibrahim had same IQ.
While caressing his shoulder, Kanchan asked him to keep quite and face the life as it is how much it goes miserable, said our reporter.
She said "Don't worry Nitin. Just try to reduce weight fast so that your miserable life will end soon."
Nitin Gadkari asked her "How?"
She said "Then rope will not break and the life will move to heavenly pleasures very soon."

Congress and BJP both are confused over whom Arvind Kejriwal exactly represents

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Saturday, 3 November 2012 | Posted in ,


CONVERSATION
According to political sources, a series of telephonic calls and confidential meetings at general secretary and spokesperson levels between Congress and BJP are revealed to understand exactly whom Arvind Kejriwal and his party represents.

"Many tier II and III level leaders between Congress and BJP are meeting to understand exactly whom Kejriwal is representing," said a source that was cleaning floors between one of such meeting. He requested to keep his identity anonymous.
The cleaner said that leaders of both the parties are now confused whom this guy is representing. While earlier he was cracking on Congress Party everybody, including BJP was thinking that it was on their side. But when he alleged Nitin Gadkari, leaders started thinking that he was representing corporates. However, now after Mukesh Ambani parties are now confused whom exactly he is representing.
After accepting a 1000 rupees note from India Satire Political correspondent, the cleaner said "I was there in one meeting and listened very carefully the conversation between Congress Party leader Janardhan Dwivedi and BJP leader Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi who met yesterday night for discussing the actual agenda of Arvind Kejriwal."
Transcript of their conversation
Naqvi: Boss, tell Kejriwal now stop chasing us. Nitinji has already lost 25 kgs of his weight thinking that in jail he would have to develop a bad eating habit. While we both are friends behind the scene, why are you asking Kejriwal to chase us? Tell him to follow Mamata, Mayawati and Mulayam.
Dwivedi: Oh what shit are you talking about? We think you kept him behind us just to losen the pants of our fatty leaders. Whatever damage he had done was much more than you. Ambaniji yesterday called me asking to take Kejriwal's resignation from Law Ministry. What would I say him now? That he was not our law minister but law minister of BJP.
Naqvi: WTF! He never represents us. Look at our heaviest leader now he has became weakest one. Its because you that puts in front of us as shell leader.
Dwivedi: Oh if he doesn't represent you and not even us, then whom he represent? Now we have already shared equally the corporate funding and foreign investment between us who would have sent him to destroy us? He is trying to damage our unity.
Both stared at Samajawadi Party's speaker, general secretary, party worker, cleaner and everything Mulayam Singh Yadav, who saw at both of them with awe.
Dwivedi: Mulayam, is that you? Did you forget how CBI spanked you in your office when you said you would support Mamata? So you arranged him as your co-worker with different identity. (Dwivedi calls Soniaji's number. 'Madamji it's Mulayam who asked Kejriwal to follow us')
Mulayam: Oh Dwivedi! It's not me. I am very happy cleaning house at Janpath. I have never told him.
Dwivedi: Dude! I am going to ask CBI to open the file number 420.
Mulayam: Oh I beg, I never asked him to go behind you. You tell me how would you trust me?
Dwivedi called Madamji again
Dwivedi: Ok Mulayam! We will try to trust you. Just do few things. That your friend what is his name, yea Amar Singh, he helped us winning support at the time of passing Nuclear bill and Salman Khurshid has some small case behind him. Give me the status.
Naqvi: Also Jaitlyji likes to see Amitabh and Jayaji's movies so some cases regarding frauds are still pending I believe.
Mulayam: Oh that is a small work. Please wait.
A phone from Mulayam rang
Mulayam: Akhilesh, (murmur)
Mulayam: Everything is fine now, I am going to slap a case against Kejriwal. For the time being other guys are clean now.
(Disclaimer: The above news mentioned is totally fake and fictitious and the names representing in the story are not really connected to real life.)

On footsteps of Karti Chidambaram, Police arrested Digvijay Singh instead of India Satire’s Diggy Chacha for making persistent fun on Rahul Gandhi

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 2 November 2012 | Posted in ,

TOP STORY - POLITICS

Police apologized for arresting fake Digvijay Singh instead of arresting real Diggy Chacha

Following the footsteps of P Chidambaram's son Karti Chidambaram who complained against Twitter user Ravi Srinivasan (@ravi_the_indian), India's future Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi also launched a complaint against India Satire's author Diggy Chacha. However, unaware of whom actual Diggy Chacha is the Police arrested Congress Party's Senior Leader Digvijay Singh.

"What the f*ck? How can they arrest me for some other idiot's writing? That IT Law is not for we politicians, can't these stu*id Police understand," said Digvijay Singh who is out on bail.

He said "How can I write something funny on my buttery baby Rahul Baba? Forget Baba I can't write about Vadra too despite I am highly funny character and he is damn idi*t."

Sources said, as soon as Police received the complaint from Rahul Gandhi they suddenly became hyperactive and put a trap to capture the real culprit. The Police Force arrested Digvijay Singh when he was busy addressing a rally.

Delhi Police Commissioner Neeraj Kumar said "We got a little bit confused. We match the speeches of Digvijayji of last so many years and the articles of India Satire. We found same fun quotient and stupidity in those articles too. That's why we thought that Digvijayji must be different from inside and wears a mask on his face when comes to outside. We immediately called Rahulji who told us to go ahead after asking his Mummy."

However, a detailed inquiry of the diggychacha.blogspot.com, forensic report and strong claims from the advocate of Digvijay Singh in Magistrate's office helped him to get released on a bail.

Talking to media, Digvijay Singh said "There may be similarity in the names of both of us. Our fun quotient, satirical nature and entertainment value may be the same but these idiots should need to understand that I want to become MP's chief minister in next 2 years then how would I make fun of Rahul Baba. I would never say any bad word to my beloved Rahulji and Sonia Madamji. I can be satirical only for RSS, BJP, Annaji and Arvind Baba."

Digvijay Singh also raised questions over transparency in Kapil Sibal made IT Law.

"How dare he make such an opaque policy?" Digvijay Singh said talking about Section 66 (a) of the IT Act.

"That guy has not maintained anything that politicians, particularly UPA leaders are exempt from talking any kind of bullsh*t while aam aadmi is not at all exempted," said Digvijay Singh.

However, when his personal assistant informed him that there is such a provision in the section 'Conditions Apply', Digvijay Singh said "Still the onus is on Kapil Sibal. Why he didn't educate Delhi Police for implementation of the law."

According to sources, Police is now searching India Satire's author and real Diggy Chacha and apologized to fake Diggy Chacha (Digvijay Singh).

Rahul Gandhi said he will fight for India till he is alive

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 1 November 2012 | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

Rahul Gandhi who sued Subramanian Swamy for his daring of calling Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi as scamsters and corrupt said that for India's self esteem he will fight with anybody in the court including Subramanian Swamy.

"I challenge Subramanian Swamy in the court for challenging my India's identity. He can't abuse India such a way by calling it corrupt and scamster for paltry Rs 1600 crore. I will fight till my life ends. Even I will resurrect from the death again and again and will fight the battle against him for my mother nation," said Rahul Gandhi, in his heartwarming speech to Himachal Pradesh voters.

He said "What does this Swamy think of himself? Does he think that we will keep our mouths shut despite again-and-again he is abusing India? I can't tolerate this anymore and I am going to sue him for calling my India as a corrupt. My family ended its life for the mother nation. I will also do the same if Swamy again raises any kind of corruption related issues."

Other Congress leaders also echoed Rahul Gandhi's voice and asked Swamy to keep his mouth shut and don't ever call India in a faultier language.

"India can't be involved in corruption. What Rahul Baba saying is true and we believe that Swamy has to answer in the court why he is again and again insulting our nation," said Congress Leader, Janardhan Dwivedi.

Indians feel Arvind Kejriwal and Subramanian Swamy as whistle blower while Congress and BJP are loudspeakers

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

SURVEY

Many marriages are at stake because of channel switching between the breaks

While enjoying the high drama of catching the corruption on news channels on day to day basis, the entire nation is now became sure that Arvind Kejriwal and Subramanian Swamy are actually whistle blowers while Congress and BJP are loudspeakers.

"There is immense amount of coordination between them. While Kejriwal raise voice against Congress, BJP starts speaking like a loudspeaker in marriages. It is vice versa when the time comes that Kejriwal raises his voice against BJP," said Arvind Sharma, a regular TV News Channel watcher.

Sharma said "So overall it seems the reality show is managed very properly and with great imagination."

Many Indians were actually confused what exactly was happening in India during last 2 years. However, as the clearer picture emerges, tighten their belts on their sofas or chairs and keep focus on the news channels, said an independent survey of KPMG in its 'Media & Entertainment in India Report'.

"Actually I was a bit confused what exactly was happening in India. But now I am sure that this is a reality show sponsored by TV channels where Kejriwal and Subramanian Swamy have to say something while Congress and BJP acts as loudspeaker," said Rajinder Sharma, a serial TV news channel watcher told surveyor.

An astonishing result came from survey, claiming that almost 80% of daily soap watchers have shifted their eyeballs to daily corruption shows from daily soap operas.

"Yea, it is true. Most of Indians, particularly male audience switch to news channel when there is a break in serial. This audience finds it interesting and exciting than regular serials. Many of them have actually confirmed to us that they lost the taste of thrills in sas bahu serials and eagerly wait for a break to get updated on new kind of scam and to listen to some funny comment from any of the Congress and BJP leaders. They actually feel like these leaders are loudspeakers of their parties," said Anjali Joshi, Chief Surveyor of KPMG.

Overall, recent claims of scams and corruption made by Arvind Kejriwal and Subramanian Swamy increased the taste of the Indian audience and they are not really willing to watch serials and other stupid reality shows, said the survey.

Sources said that first time MTV Roadies new season is getting poor pre-release response and many of the aspirants went to the trials just to tell the "Twins" of Roadies - Rajiv Laxman and Raghu Ram that they are Ch**** and the entire show is bulls*it.

"Yea we feel disgraced like ch**** these days as nobody listen to our abuses and instead they abuse us. Yesterday only one candidate punched Raghu's nose," said Rajiv Laxman.

However, besides facing serious disinterest in the reality shows, most of the audiences are actually risking their marriages. Ms Joshi recorded rising risks of divorces in her report because of this channel switching hobby.

She said many women are actually uncomfortable because of rising channel switching habit among the men community as they can't get updated with new cosmetics which are demonstrated between the ads. Almost 70% of women audience confirmed that the immediate thought come to their mind is to give divorce at that instance itself."

"How can I remain glowing and beautiful through-out my life, if my hubby keeps switching channel between the breaks," said Rita Khanna, a daily sas bahu serial viewer.

She said "I would not get equipped with new and new skin care products to keep my skin fairer and beautiful. I really hate him and want to put paper on the spot whenever he changes the channel."

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