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I am a dumbass - Sriprakash Jaiswal

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 3 October 2012 | Posted in

OPINION

Apologizing over his remarks on old wives, Sriprakash Jaiswal said it was when my wife told that I was wrong in making such remarks by showing me a danda I felt that I was really a stupid and idiot for making such remarks.

Madamji and God know that empty mind is devil's home and that is what happened with me. Just for mocking on a topic and make people happy I made such an idiotic statement. However, I didn't know that either Congress leaders don't have sense of humour or people don't understand such high level jokes.

Through the platform of India Satire, I would like to forgive all those idiots who misunderstood me and angered on me instead of laughing on my joke. Particularly, these human and woman rights idiots.

Dude, why don't you check the people like me who are now bored with one woman and loves variations can make such comment. And joke comes from the heart. Whatever you feel in real life and whatever you experience, you can either mock or outrage. While I strictly believe in peacefulness and don't outrage easily, I made the light of the situation by using my weird sense of humor. Last time I made same kind of intelligent humour by saying Prince Rahul can become India's Prime Minister anytime but some of India's dumb ass Congressmen just dumped me in coal again.

I am seriously demanding that Indians should raise their IQ and understanding of humour otherwise anything that comes as a humour or joke, they would react the same way. Madamji, I am dumbass because I made joke on Indians in front of Indians who don't have any sense of humour.


On the occasion of Gandhi Jayanti, many Indians seen at Barber Shop

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

The occasion helped Indians to postpone their shaving and cutting hair by 2 days

Many Indians visited Barber shop on an important day of Gandhi Jayanti for cutting their rising hair and shaving clean by good expert barber.

Inputs were provided by Indian Barber's Association, which reported a sharp surge in the sales by almost 50%, which was even more than Sunday sales.

Amjad Khan, a full time Barber from Andheri said "Gandhi Jayanti was a pre-decided occasion for most of the job goers in Mumbai who thought of cutting their hair and shaving."

Khan confirmed that the overall sharp rise in the number of customers just collapsed entire system, as most of the barbers didn't really expect that much crowd. Few also reported Police complaint to stop the ruckus.

He said "In few shops there were long cue and many were fighting for their legitimate number. Most of the customers had to wait for 4-5 hours to clean their shave. We were not ready for such a wonderful crowd pullout."

However, the situation raised serious debate among the experts. Few experts said that rising laziness and attitude towards postponing the urgent work is rising in Indians which led to collapse of barber system in India.

Sunil Sharma a social activist from Delhi said "People are becoming lazier. While it was Sunday when people used to go to barber's shop now they used Gandhi Jayanti for cutting their long hair and clean shaves. It's so ridiculous."

However, Pankaj Tiwari a customer from Noida said "It was a bit emotional thinking behind the move. I am not sure why everybody decided to choose this 'Quite unusual' day for collective gathering at barber shop."

India is talking about Sriprakash Jaiswal

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

QUOTES UNQUOTES - POLITICS

Views of experts and prominent personalities on Coal Minister Sriprakash Jaiswal's statement that old wives are boring

Pralhad Kakkar: India needs to debate on the serious issue that Mr. Jaiswal raised.

ND Tiwari: Oh God, one more idiot

Amitabh Bachchan: He he he... (chuckles) He could have used his brain either. Thank God I am now out of that irritating sandwich stuff of old wife and new girlfriend.

Rekha: That was what I always used to tell Amitji.

Jaya Bachchan: This guy requires a strong punch from me.

Sachin Tendulkar: What? Does he indicate I should retire from Cricket and join the Commentary box.

Digvijay Singh: Fas gaya, by following me

Rahul Gandhi: Mumma, when will I have my first wife which will become old and then I would say I lost charm in her

Arindam Chaudhuri: Calm Down India! Dare to think beyond old wife, adopt new one

Suhel Seth: What I believe is Jaiswal should be more open while talking. I think we should seat in the conference just listen to him and then discuss the serious problem than poverty.

Dale Carnegie Institute of Public Speaking: Sriprakash should join our course in twisting the words in more fluent manner while attracting less outrage.

Narayan Dutt Tiwari on Sriprakash Jaiswal

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

OPINION

Messing woman means digging own grave in coal mine

He he he... don't mess with woman or she would send "..." to take the revenge. He he he, Sriprakash could have used my experience but he made the right mistake. Whenever you are in a woman related mess others laugh at you and whenever others are in the mess you can't stop laughing. These days I am in the second category. I can't stop laughing and laughing. Oh Jaiswal you are so funny he he he... he he he..

Jaiswal usually used to poke me why I didn't use condom. But the thing now I will have to ask him did he find a condom for his mouth. Now this guy is in total mess. The things seem to be messier than his coal issue. Now everything you should not talk in the public n yaar. I never talked about my affairs. See now its India Satire's platform therefore I am disclosing but it is not really public thing. My own affairs are at least 1786 and according to last count I have 4387 dudes as my kids. In spite of that only one guy claimed to be my son making me a better in terms of hit ratio. However, how much a dumbass this Jaiswal is as without even anybody had claimed to be his son or daughter, he himself raised the doubts in the minds of people that he must have something with somebody who is not his old wife.

I would like to give some suggestions to Sriprakash. First keep your mouth shut if you have had some energy. Second if you had energy and you did something that may pop up any time as like it happened with me then also keep your mouth shut. Third always keep your mouth shut as people are waiting when you open your mouth and they will just kick on it.

Sriprakash Jaiswal’s comment was for 1st out of 149 wives whom he married when he was 5 years old

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

Photo of Oldest wife of Sriprakash Jaiswal released

Apologizing for his comment, Coal Minister said that he talked about his 149th wife from behind whom he married at the age of 5.

"Actually, I am sorry whatever I said but my comment was about my first wife out of total 149 wives whom I married at the age of 5," said Minister with heavy heart.

He provided additional information about his wife's age and relation. He said "While I was just 5 years old when I first married, her age was 29 and therefore now at her current age, I don't feel like that kind of chemistry and she is also least bothered about me besides giving me some cold looks."

According to sources, whenever Jaiswal did stupid things such as forgetting his hanky on the table, not cleaning his toilet or forgetting his towel on his bed, his first wife used to give him angry looks just like his mother.

"I am feeling she is like my mother," said Jaiswal to India Satire Correspondent "Therefore, I have no hard feelings for people who thought I am stupid and idiot and I forgive them easily."

Nithyananda on Sriprakash Jaiswal

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

NITHYANANDA VANI

Colour of coal and my skin colour are only similarities between me and Sriprakash - Nithyanada

Inna, these days I am very comfortable with myself. Nothing special, Ranjitha is fine and I am finding a new girl as I have lost charm in her. I feel that with time passes a man loses his charm in old girlfriends. Oh what did I say? Oh did I copy coal minister Sriprakash Jaiswal. Oh no, natural words have no control. Even a sensible guy like me can plagiarise idi*ts like Jaiswal. While besides colour of coal on his clothes and colour of my skin, there is no resemblance between us still I don't understand how I had copied him. Hmmm.... so today because of this stu*id I have to take this idi*tic topic to give you the lecture.

Ok my contention or my root topic is woman (be it wife, girlfriend or somebody else) loses her charm with age passes. Actually, inversely it is the sign that man is becoming dynamic. So the theory is whenever woman loses her charm while inversely it indicates man is becoming more needy, greedy and lusty. I am not sure Jaiswal has any dynamism left in him. However, few interestingly exceptional case such as ND Tiwari putting his tounge open just like dog opens his mouth whenever he sees some beautiful bitches.

So people like me and Tiwari are Old Monkeys, ah sorry... Old Monks are tastier as time passes by and therefore we are very much forceful for new and new items. However, Jaiswal I don't feel that guy has anything left in him. Neither I had heard of any of his scandal. I don't know what do he do whenever he has to do. Oops.. I would love to train such kind of immature guy on the path of spiritualism that frees soul from bloody thirsty and hungry body by applying few interesting caveats.

Now as he said, if Sriprakash Jaiswal has left no interest in his wife and his profession of mining coal is sluggish he can come to me. Attend my lecture and I will personally teach him the ways to bring variations and dynamism. He will also enjoy spiritual attainment and freedom from the heavy loads of energy by using my guidance.

How does Mamata Banerjee spend her day?

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 1 October 2012 | Posted in ,

STATISTICS
Mamata Banerjee's Daily Schedule

Daily Schedule of Mamata Banerjee

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