Headlines

Shahrukh Khan said alleged YouTube video of dishonouring flag is morphed

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 21 August 2012 | Posted in

NEWS WIRE: BOLLYWOOD
Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde showed fingers towards Pakistan for morphing video

(Shahrukh Khan claimed that the actor for dishonouring the national flag while celebrating Indian cricket team's victory in the World Cup final held on on April 2, 2011 was morphed and needs an inquiry.
Social worker Ravindra Brahme (40) has lodged an FIR against the actor, after he came across this act by watching a video on You Tube uploaded by a news website which shows SRK holding the flag upside down.
India's Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde confirmed that he suspects hand of Pakistan intelligence agency and terrorist organisation in morphing the video and told Pakistan Government that he would supply adequate proofs.)

Beni Prasad Verma condemned himself in his letter to Sonia Gandhi

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

OPINION: POLITICS
People believe sometimes I am seriously idiot  just when people start believing that Congress Senior Leaders IQ is improving - Beni Prasad Verma
Union Steel Minister Beni Prasad Verma sent a copy of letter to India Satire which he forwarded to Congress Supremo Sonia Gandhi after back to back disastrous speeches he made yesterday, one was considering fight between Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi and second saying food inflation makes him happy. In this letter he confirmed that he seriously believed he is a damn idiot and stupid sometimes while his iron rod kind of attitude works against the party many times.
Beni Prasad Verma's letter to Sonia Gandhi
"Madamji, it looks stupid to say sorry again and again but neither you can help nor me, myself and the iron rod that fixed in my bloody brain which doesn't work sometimes. Today I will say sorry to you tomorrow again I will make some stupid statement to prove I have dickhead instead of head, therefore this time I skip sorry.
Two of my statements created ruckus and laughter across India, making the country which is going through a series of serious events to laugh for some time. However, though I am not joker or I have very stupid and weird sense of humor I would love to say that sometimes it is better to listen to me rather than understanding bubble-o-gum language of Mulayam Singh Yadav.
Ok now it would be better I would analyse myself through this letter to prove how I am stupid and idiot. But before that I urge not to send this letter to Sibal as he would block this letter too. Tell him that people start believing I am idiot when they start expecting that at least this time Congress Party Leaders IQ will improve.
So for stupidity there requires 3 criteria to fulfill
1 Stupidity doesn't need to be a continuous syndrome; one can prove he is stupid in public every 6-9 months.
2 There is no need to tell somebody else that I am stupid. I feel it myself. I feel it when I throw idiot bombs from my mouth and actually realize after wards.
3 When my statement proves that collectively the group or my party is stupid too.
Madamji, I fulfilled all the above three conditions and want to ensure that my stupidity can go rising more and more. Finally what is important is to open the mouth and make some nonsense statement and keep audience happy.
Madamji, I would love to tell you that stupidity however, should provide great positive outcomes so that making such fuckingly idiotic statements gives collective better results to our party.
Yesterday, one woman called me congratulating that Rahul Baba is the right candidate for her to consider her third love life, as he looks sweeter than Narendra Modi. Yes Madam, that's true. As I provided only 2 options to Indian voters, most of the female voters are considering voting for Congress Party so that Rahul Baba can become Prime Minister.
In another incident, one farmer called me and demanded a lot of hugs and kisses so that he can express his appreciation over my statement that our party is caring about farmers. I told him come anytime to my house I will give you lots of kisses and hugs.
So Madamji, still I feel my stupidity is well known but the results are not quantifiable, unidentifiable and a lot sexy. With my integrity and level of loyalty to the party my stupidity would increase, that is what I promise you."
(The story is totally fictitious and fake so don't take it seriously)

Buffalos lobbying for considering Sonakshi Sinha's weight as benchmark for the nutritional levels in India

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

NEWS IN BRIEF - BOLLYWOOD
Buffalos feel that calling buffalo to a lady would see reversal process after releasing Joker
Indian buffalos are lobbying with the government to consider recent bombshell of Bollywood, Sonakshi Sinha's weight as the nutritional levels. The decision came after a Haryana based buffalo, named Manisha watched Sonakshi Sinha dancing in her upcoming movie Joker.
"Hmmmmaaaaaa hmmmaaaa, I was shocked watching Sonakshi. I felt she weighs more than me still she was able to dance on the floors. I thought of discussing the issue with our lobby and try to get some relaxation from the government over malnutrition in our community," said Manisha.
A study shows that 85% of female buffalos are slimmer than Sonakshi Sinha, which is again proved in movie promos of Joker.
"The example can set a wrong precedent among the people," said Manisha "We had a glorious history of comparing women with us. We heard that many look-a-like women were used to call as 'bhains'. But Sonakshi's example can set a wrong precedent. And comparison of our body weights only shows that we are underweight and want to regain our status."
"We were unaware of this that a lady is overweight than us. This fact makes us quite unconscious. Earlier, few fatty good looking female were called as 'bhains' but now after watching Sonakshi, we think that the process is in a serious reversal," said Aayesha, President of Buffalo's Association of Lobbying in India (BAIL).
Aayesha told India Satire Correspondent "I am affraid that looking at me our community would start calling me 'Sonakshi'."

RBI Governor Subbarao demanded pay hike to tackle the rising prices

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 14 August 2012 | Posted in

NEWS IN BRIEF - BUSINESS
Subbarao also disclosed the reason why he is not reducing interest rates
Reserve Bank of India Governor Duvvuri Subbarao reiterated his concern about inflation on Monday, saying that this time it not just remained above the central bank's comfort level, but his wife as well.
"Pa Urmila is every day shouting on my ears that prices of coconut increased, prices of karipatta and itly increased. Yesterday, she told me that I would not get curd rice as curd and milk prices rose sharply," said Subbarao to India Satire correspondent.
The RBI Governor also stated his helplessness towards reducing interest rates to boost the economic growth rate.
He said "Arey pa, Urmila told me that if I reduce interest rates and because of that if the inflation goes up she will throw out of my home."
Subbarao confirmed that he sent a letter to Indian Government asking it to raise his pay.
"Yea I sent a letter requesting my pay hike in the middle of the year. What other thing would I do then?  Better increase my pay or else the government will have to face my agitation," said Subbarao.

Gopal Kanda found in Ramdev Baba's protest rally

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 13 August 2012 | Posted in

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS
Exclusive footage with India Satire
Former Haryana Minister Gopal Kanda who is wanted in connection with the suicide of former flight attendant Geetika Sharma found in Ramdev Baba's protest rally. India Satire has an exclusive footage of Kanda's presence in Ramdev Baba's agitation against corruption. India Satire has sent the photograph of Kanda to Delhi Police which has moved for more investigation.
"While I was just talking to Ramdev Baba, our photographer took a snap. However, he missed the face of Gopal Kanda who was present at the time there," said India Satire Correspondent Feky Singh.
He said "When we checked the snap for print purpose we identified Kanda's face and just immediately forwarded it to Delhi and Haryana Police."
Feky Singh was in a process to make a satire on Ramdev Baba's agitation. However, after watching Kanda's face as a socially responsible satire correspondent he sent the snap to Delhi Police.
Assistant Commissioner of Delhi Police, Aiash Mohammad said "Yes we received the snap and we are investigating further. As it has received from satirist first we have to send it for forensic report. Then we shall try to get him in the agitation march."

After silver medal Sushil Kumar to teach Sushil Kumar Shinde art of defence

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 12 August 2012 | Posted in ,


NEWS IN BRIEF- OLYMPICS
After winning silver medal, Sushil Kumar plans to teach the art of defence to India's Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde and Defence Minister A K Antony.

"Yes, that is my first priority now. I had a vision to win a medal in Olympics and now the next thing I want to do is to teach Sushil Kumar Shinde how to protect people from riots, naxalites and terrorists attacks. I will also show the art of defence to A K Antony so that he can be more vigilant towards India's security," said Sushil Kumar after winning the silver medal in London Olympics. He disclosed his intentions to India Satire correspondent immediately after receiving medal.
India Satire is trying to reach to the reactions of both the ministers which are right now on weekend holiday.
However, busy Sushil Kumar said "Both of them need to look a bit fit and powerful. I always feel they are like sucked mango, no energy and no fitness. Ekdum, dheele and loose. Therefore, I decided to take this step."

Indian Government announces compulsory learning course of art of how to save oneself from riot

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

Govt to import Sparta like shields for its citizens
NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS
Government will also issue shields to citizens to secure themselves
Fucked up by different riots and thereby rising work pressure led to Indian ministers announced a special course of how to defend oneself from a riot or some stupid violence. This course will be a 5 years compulsory, non-negotiable and non-transferable course for the schooling children and will be implemented along with Right To Education Law.

"It will be a Right to Defend from Riot Law and will be compulsory for everybody under the age 5. We shall teach a man of the age of 5 years to 10 years how to defend when somebody comes to you with stones, bullets, kerosene wrappers and different other arms and ammunitions such as chopper etc," said India Education and HRD Minister Kapil Sibal.
He said "I am fucked up yaar because of these routine riots. Everyday, I am losing at least 5-6 hairs from my head. Life sucks yaar. How much work I would do? Looking at my hectic life Sushil Kumar Shinde told me to just implement this idea from schooling itself so that whatever 4-5 hair are remaining on his head will remain over there."
Sushil Kumar Shinde also confirmed the development and told that he was really glad that if such course implemented in India it would become riot free within years as like it became polio free.
"Guys, see I don't want to take some stupid responsibilities of the inefficiency of a small constable. If he doesn't carry his gun properly then what the fucking thing I do. See this is a serious issue and not kiddish one. Also these people who do riots are like my brothers and therefore people themselves have to grow up and have to defend themselves. We are also planning to launch a package of free shields for BPL category and 20% discount to above poverty line category so that they would defend themselves from stone pelting," told Shinde to India Satire.
He said "See I don't have habit to work in a hectic schedule. Just have a bit of fun at work and a lot of rest so makes me feel happy and funny to. So these kind of stupid things make me think how to approach new and new innovative ways to tackle. This is an innovative way. Take a kid at the 5 years of age tell him how he can save himself from riots. A real rigorous course and make him a great defender. But as in India everybody is my sister and brother, they can't attack."
Mumbai citizens are very happy with the decisions that they are going to get shields to secure themselves from Hindu attack, Muslim attack, immigrant attack and any other attack that can come future.
Harsh Baweja, a college student said "Yea funny idea, I will wear Batman like coat. Also they can give us some sparta like shields. Wow how would it look when the packed train will have everybody shielded?"

FLICKR PHOTO STREAM

dailyvid