Headlines

Manmohan Singh to perform cameo in Son of Sardar - Ajay Devgn

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 30 September 2012 | Posted in , ,

TOP STORY - BOLLYWOOD, POLITICS
Manmohan Singh will act as Ajay Devgn's father in the movie
Tapping the rising popularity of India's Prime Minister Manmohan Singh as 'Powerful Sardar' these days 'Son of Sardar' producers requested him to perform a cameo (in the guest appearance) to add some spice to the film.

"Yes he received the offer from the film producers. But right now he is in a kind of decision state whether to sign any commercial agreement or not. For that he actually is in touch with Madam Soniaji Gandhiji who will instruct him. He is also pursuing to announce few more reforms from the medium of the cinema," said an official in Prime Minister's Office.
Recently, Manmohan Singh showed a great amount of new vigour and fresh power by announcing flood of economic reforms which include FDI in retail and insurance and diesel price hike. However, few notorious anti-social elements raised doubt that America was behind all this fresh vigour.
According to sources, Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi found saying that Madamji brought some pills like ****ra from US which were just boosted energy levels in the government. However, Prime Minister first time in his life denied these allegations in a firm voice.
"I don't take such stupid pills. Yea for some time I was using Navratna Thanda Thanda Kool Kool hair oil to get a decent sleep but ****ra pills is no way," said Manmohan Singh.
Taking the cues from all these issues Ajay Devgn Film Productions unit decided to approach Prime Minister for a cameo but a substantially important role in the movie.
"Yes we approached PMO and requested them that next announcements of reforms could be done using 'Son of Sardar' platform and Prime Minister can play important cameo in the movie," said Ajay Devgn.
He said "We are not using Prime Minister's recent popularity but we just want to show the recent real juices of Sardar Prime Minister. Manmohanji will perform my father's role and will guide me to fight against evil powers such as Sanjay Dutt."
Sources said that PM will have only one dialogue throughout the movie whenever he appears. He will say "Mouth Shut its Jatt". Sources also told that actually production house was earlier thinking that it would take Harbhajan Singh in the movie but after India's worst performance against Australia, it dropped the idea.

Slippers showed to Nitish Kumar were made of Relaxo Chappals - Bihar Police

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 27 September 2012 | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

Relaxo Hawai Slippers represent durability

Bihar Police revealed the brand of slippers that angry teachers showed Nitish Kumar. The brand of all the slippers was Relaxo Footwear and all the slippers were durable and washable. Police confirmed that the slippers were not much clean but were very strong and could survive in any adverse condition despite their age was more than 7 years.

"Yes actually slippers were really good in terms of durability and flexibility. They are very smooth and easy to move. According to Forensic Report, the slippers could survive in any adverse condition such as rains, floods and even extreme summer conditions," Ramnaresh Sinha, Deputy Commissioner of Police, Darbhanga.

He said "They can mould as well and don't smell bitter too."

Bihar Police collected samples from all the slippers that were shown in the conference that Nitish Kumar was addressing. While the issue was contractual teachers wanted to get promotion for permanent teachers, they were showing Relaxo Hawaii slippers indicating the symbol of durability. However, few anti-social elements such as media cried foul by saying that they were protesting.

"We were actually saying Nitishji that look at these slippers which we were using since last 7-8 years and still in good conditions. It is a symbol of durability," said Jagdish Yadav, one of the school teachers.

Relaxo Footwear Company is yet to confirm that it was the major supplier of slippers and sandals to Bihar teachers. However, sources related to development said that the company is working on advertisement based on the concept of durable slippers shown to Nitish Kumar. Sources also said that the company is planning to appoint Nitish Kumar as the brand ambassador and promote its slipper brands on a large scale.

On political front, according to sources Nitish Kumar confirmed that it was the power of Biharis that they showed through this action.

Hina Rabbani Khar confirmed that motherly feeling is more exciting than sex

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 26 September 2012 | Posted in ,

TOP STORY - WORLD

Scrapping all the allegations of an affair with Bilawal Bhutto, Hina Rabbani Khar confirmed that she considers him as her son and loves motherly feeling more than sex.

"Sex is a routine activity but the motherly feeling is 'wow'," said Pakistan's Foreign Minister, Hina Rabbani Khar.

She said talking exclusively to India Satire Correspondent "I love to be a mother of another kid but a bit or too much bigger than my two other kids whom I can fondle and caress with full of motherly nature. That what I believe is more exciting than this routine sexual activity. I think that loving small kids is a kind of bizarre activity while loving 24 year old son is quite kinky. I am enjoying that feeling."

Hina was very much open on the discussions over her relationship with Bilawal whom he considers require a caring mom in current scenario when his father is becoming more and more weird these days.

"He usually calls me any time talks me for hours on the phone. Openly discusses about his boy friend and girl friend that he never had in his life with his father and mother. He also talks if he could have girlfriend looked like me he never had chosen any boyfriend. That kind of boo effect you will never get from son with 5 year old. Therefore, I decided to adopt Bilawal as my son," Hina added.

When India Satire Correspondent asked the reports that Pakistan President caught both of them in the compromising position, she said "That was actually what I was teaching how to face the most important part of life. That is called sex. He is a very young guy and never knew such important thing before he met me. It was genuinely trying him to understand what exactly the taboo is. I believe even Asif had no problem with that when we explained him everything. Otherwise he could have got heart attack. Look at that old man's age."

Sources said Hina's husband Firoze Gulzar who asked for the phone details was also convinced with the relations of mom-son duo.

Firoze said "I actually gone through all the phone details and found that there was nothing heinous between these two pals. Bilawal used to call Hina as mumma and she used to call him bachcha or beta. However, I had only one objection that why did they use to make ummmmmmmmaaaaahhhh and ummmmmmm sounds."

Firoze, however, confirmed that he was not really keen on to adopt Bilawal as his son and would not tolerate any nonsensical demand from Hina.

Talking to India Satire Correspondent Bilawal Bhutto said "I am really happy that I am going to be out of a useless Papa's shelter. He is damn irritating and stupid. He usually farts and makes stupid noise. You can say he is so boring. I want to stay with my mumma."

Breaking: US President Barack Obama holds Ahmedinejad by his collar and punched him and pushed backward

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

TOP STORY - WORLD

When media came both acted as they were boyfriends, hugged and kissed each other

Reacting to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims that a new world order needs to emerge, away from years of American "bullying" and domination, US President hold him by his collar punched him strongly on his face and pushed him backward towards the gate of the lobby of UN General Assembly's Conference where he was hiding and making bizarre statements. However, after media came both of them hugged and kissed each other as like they were two boyfriends met after a long time.

According to sources, Obama's sharp eyes saw Ahmedinejad hiding behind the cactus kept near the lobby of the office, and mocking US President with strange actions. Obama who was already angered with his statement of bullying just pulled him out of the cactus and punched him pushed him backward and hold his collar and shouted abused strongly.

Onlookers said "Obama told Ahmadinejad that he should keep his fu*king mouth shut and let him win the elections otherwise he would just go and push him up and will apply Gandhiji's thought of intolerance. Obama also told Ahmadinejad that the US was a peace loving country and never bullies or dominates anybody else. He also said that never call this way otherwise he would tear him apart in thousand pieces."

Sources said that Obama looked quite frustrated on account of stupid Romney was 1% ahead of him in the estimates of poll results of US Presidential Elections and Ahmadinejad's statement would just push him behind in the country in which public like anybody in the world to pull down its President's legs.

Citizen who also votes, Robert Pears said "Both are idiots but we have to decide who is less stupid. If we think Romney is ahead then he is that much less idiot."

However, the whole saga just stopped there as media came to interrupt the great fight between US and Iran President.

Just when few reporters came, both of them calmed down and hugged each other and kissed too showing the real love and affection that they are really trying to reach.

India Satire Correspondent who was present there reported Obama saying - before becoming US President, Ahmadinejad was his boy friend and they had great chemistry in terms of sharing lovely moments.

He said "Even today Michelle hates Ahmadinejad for being my boy friend he he he. Here two ex-boy friends are meeting and not the US and Iran President. I am also planning to shift to Iran if that stupid wins."

For time being, Ajit Pawar will join Old Age Homes as a sweeper to serve society

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 25 September 2012 | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS, SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

After resigning from his post of Deputy Chief Minister of Maharashtra, Ajit Pawar said that he would continue to serve people of Maharashtra and society-in-large by joining as a sweeper to Mumbai based Old Age Home.

"Yes I want to work as a sweeper and collect and clean the garbage, whatever old people make in the old age homes. That is how I decided to serve people in Maharashtra. This will continue to keep me in work and do social service as I don't have ministry now," said scam tainted Minister Ajit Pawar to India Satire correspondent.

Ajit Pawar, Maharashtra deputy chief minister, resigned on Tuesday following allegations of irregularities in clearing irrigation projects in the state.

He said "I am a by default a social worker and never remain alive without social work. Social work is in my genes. Even in my dreams I work for society. You would not believe yesterday in my dreams I saw myself collecting garbage, cleaning bathroom and sweeping clean & dry for socially ignored old age people. Therefore, I thought I should do all these thankless things."

He confirmed that he applied for a job in an unknown Old-Age Home of Mumbai which is actually scrutinizing his C.V. and will offer a job on Rs 2000 per month scale as soon as he fits for the job of sweeper.

He also asked few other ministers from different states to join such work so that they also can continue to work in favor of the society.

That 'Foreign Hand' which tried to malign Rahul Gandhi's image came from Italy

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS
CBI identified the actual hand was Italian 'Aunty Agostina' who secretly crushed for Rahul Gandhi
After identifying the 'Foreign Hand' behind tarnishing Rahul Gandhi's image as a rapist, abductor etc. etc., CBI also traced the person who actually did that sin.
"Boss, it was shocking when we started tracing the actual hand behind this conspiracy. We had to take help of RAW Agent Vinod who finally traced that the hand came from Italy and found that a girl aged 76 years named 'Agostina Adolfo Molinelli' was having secret having crush for Rahul Gandhi. However, when her friends made her realize that it was difficult her to marry Rahulji as there was a little age gap between two (he was young leader and she was actually middle aged) which she took as an abuse to her and planned such conspiracy. She along with many other aunties beyond 50 odd years who also had crush for Rahulji then came on to Facebook and Twitter Groups then spread such rumours that Rahul Baba was rapist," said CBI Chief A.P. Singh.
While the controversy was stirring the underground economy of Facebook and Twitter, CBI's explanation that it was 'Foreign Hand' pulled out all the air out of the entire topic.
Delhi based Ankita Sharma, who was still single at the age of 56 said "I never believe such kuchi-pu looking buttery face Rahul Baba could have raped anybody. He is soooo sweet.... ooooommmmmm... I always used to maKe his case strong across Facebook, Twitter and blogs."
She also asked Rahul Gandhi that now as he came clean from this controversy, he should consider marriage.
"I am single since last 30 odd years believing that he would somehow see me and would marry me. Now he has chance that he can definitely propose," said Ankita.
Survey suggested that many aunties and middle aged girls have dreams for Rahul Gandhi.
"Their blessings only saved him from such a nightmare. Rahul Baba would do nothing wrong. I myself have tested that," said Rahul Gandhi's mentor Digvijay Singh.

Rahul Gandhi have not visited single aam aadmi during last 6 months - Reports

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

SURVEY - POLITICS
Opposition asked government to look into matters why Rahul's interest dried in visiting aam aadmi
India's senior young leader and Congress candidate as Prime Minister in 2014 elections, Rahul Gandhi has not visited for a single aam aadmi's house during last 6 months. This was the longest period that Rahul Gandhi was deprived from eating daal roti in common man's house. The astonishing results came after a Survey conducted by India Satire Intelligence Survey Agency (ISISA) visited through all the Google searches and news for last 6 months.
"It is shocking. How is it possible that Rahul Gandhi had not visited any of aam aadmi to have lunch or dinner or free stay for last 6 months since UP elections," said BJP President, Nitin Gadkari.
He said "Government should answer the reason why these days Rahul Gandhi is not visiting common man's house. This is total hypocrisy. While on one side the government is telling Indians that they are pushing reforms for the legitimate rights of Indian consumers and on the other side Rahul Gandhi stopped visiting aam aadmi's house. This is ridiculous and totally inhumane."
Even Human Rights Commission blasted on Rahul Gandhi's deliberate haul over the night stay or dinner party with aam aadmi.
K G Balakrishnan, Chairman of National Human Rights Commission of India (NHRC) said "We thought that Rahul was the real hope for all deprived and hungry aam aadmis of India. However, his ignorance towards this section is bitter truth right now. Data suggests that he never took such a big gap (almost more than 6 months) in visiting to aam aadmis houses. We can understand, Sachin Tendulkar taking a rest of 2-3 years from making centuries, but Rahul why is he doing that?"
However, Congress Party denied all such allegations and told that right now Rahul Gandhi is doing some introspection.
Senior Leader of Congress Party, Digvijay Singh said "Rahul Baba is practicing to become number 2 leader in the Congress Party. Every day he poses 2-3 hours in front of mirror to get a real feel of no. 2 leader. He also stopped meaningless smile and trying to look mature and a bit intelligent for-a-change. So everything is going according to plan which is not allowing him to give a bit of time to his favorite aam aadmis. But I am sure that after a few month of rigorous practice, he will start visiting house of aam aadmi for a stay or lunch and dinner. I believe by next 2 months he will give at least one visit each month to achieve all the aam aadmis faster deliverance from their sins and their consequences."
However, one idiot Congress leader keeping his identity anonymous said that Rahul Gandhi would not involve in any visit to aam aadmi till next elections in 2014 come.

Kapil Sibal said Government against controlling internet but if access through Aakash Tablet

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 24 September 2012 | Posted in , ,


NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS, BUSINESS
Aakash's next launch will be superior to iPhone 6
India's education minister and part time law minister, Kapil Sibal said that India is liberal democracy and don't need any control on freedom of speech or expression through internet if a common man access through Aakash Tablet.
Talking to a bunch of media journalists, Kapil Sibal said "We are a democracy and there should be no formal government interference in the dissemination of information through a medium which is perhaps quintessential representative of democracy. However, the data or information dissemination should be flowed out of a right medium. I would like to say that giving a special right to Government mastered Aakash Tablet owner that he can express anything on it through internet."
Sibal confirmed that great Indian masterpiece Aakash Tablet enables its owner to abuse anybody including him too.
"A person can say whatever to anybody even he can say ch***a or a** hole to me as well, any thing he can say. I would love to read that if it comes from Aakash Tablet," said Kapil Sibal who was overwhelmingly enthusiastic by the success of Aakash Tablet.
The minister was also talking about the launch of Aakash III will be in line with iPhone 6 which in his view would not be that great.
"Technologically, I believe that Aakash would be far superior to iPhone 6," said Kapil Sibal.

PMO filed a case against Harbhajan Singh for mocking Prime Minister Manmohan Singh

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,


NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS, CRICKET
Earlier copying Underachiever tag line from Manmohan Singh and now he dared to copy Improver too
Prime Minister's Office (PMO) filed a complaint in Delhi High Court against Harbhajan Singh for degradedly mocking India's respected Prime Minister, Manmohan Singh.
"How can he copy respectable Prime Minister of India?" asked an official in PMO "It is totally a mockery of the Prime Minister." Harbhajan Singh (Bhajji) took 4 wickets against England for paltry 12 runs.
"He can't show sudden rise in his performance after so many years of underachievement. It shows only one thing that he straight away copied Manmohanji," said the official of PMO.
He said "Copying Manmohanji only proves that he was mocking India's respectable Prime Minister and therefore we issued a show cause notice on him."
Manmohan Singh was recently considered as Underachiever by US' Time Magazine while many Indian sports magazines also considered Harbhajan Singh as Underachiever. However, in line with the improvement of the performance of Manmohan Singh, as taking hard stand against allies and opposition, pushing for the reforms, diesel price hike etc. Harbhajan Singh also showed drastic improvement.
"A total loser that I can say," the official said "He copied the Underachiever tag line of the Prime Minister and now he is trying to encroach an Improver tag line too."

India England match was fixed - Rajinder Sharma

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , , , ,


NEWS IN BRIEF - CRICKET
New Delhi - Delhi
City guy alleged India's match against England was fixed
Common Indians are talking that India's match against England was fixed. New Delhi based Engineer, Rajinder Sharma strongly alleged that India's match against England in T20 World Cup was fixed among a group of people, his so-called friends.
"Arey yaar, I am damn sure the match was fixed. Otherwise a guy who can't kill a mosquito how was it possible of taking 4 wickets for giving just 12 runs," asked Rajinder Sharma to his friends. The sources said that a group of 6 friends was discussing on the cricket match played between India and England which surprisingly India won with a quite good margin on account of Harbhajan Singh's great performance.
Sources found Rajinder saying "I trust Indian team, whenever it wins comfortably n then I seriously believe that it must be a fixed match. I am sure poor English players which even don't have proper other income from IPL trophy might have received some rewards for this loss."
While some of his friends agreed to the statement some said that it was a non-sensical allegation.
Rajiv Yadav, his friend debated "Arey, English team is so poor and damn inconsistent. And these players are by birth good dancers on slow and spin track. They haven't learnt that generally cricket bat is the thing made to use to touch the ball and not their entire body parts."
However, the entire debate turned violent and both the guys started fighting. While Rajinder punched on Rajiv's nose saying he is not a believer in truth, Rajiv kicked Rajinder for spreading false information. 

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh showed his two faces after accepting the resignation of TMC ministers

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 21 September 2012 | Posted in ,


TOP STORY - POLITICS
Heavy Hearted Prime Minister Announced a Cocktail Dinner Party With Rock And Jazz Tonight
With heavy heart, India's Prime Minister accepted resignations of all the Trinamool Congress MPs from their respective positions of ministers. He also told them to think 1000 times before giving their resignation. However, strong hearted TMC leaders kept all their self interests on the otherside and pushed him to accept their resignations.
"Actually, Trinamool Congress, Mamata Didi and all of you are most invaluable members for UPA and your dedicated approach towards serving in the public interest is mind boggling. I really request you from my head to toe, I will also bow down in front of you if you say that way, but please please and please take back your resignations," said Manmohan Singh when the number of ministers reached his office and put their papers infront of Prime Ministers and his support staffs which include clerks and peons.
He said "We are aware of whatever services that you gave us, your reverent support and great attitude towards the society. I don't want all of you to move away from us like this."
However, all the MPs kept stressing on their resignations and told him to accept them ASAP as they had to go to dinner with Didi and discuss about their employment opportunities in the recessionary period. According to sources most of them have grocery shops in Kolkata.
Finally with heavy heart, Manmohan Singh accepted their resignations and said "Sob sob... unnnnnmpphhhh... It is worst day of my life accepting your resignations. Tomorrow I am not going to see your faces in the Ministry's office and so many ministries. How can I handle all of them. Ok now if you are so pushy then I have to accept the resignations."
Just after accepting their resignations, all the MPs left in a hurry led to a serious silent in the PM's office which was just broken by PM's loud laughter and shouting 'hurray' he he he. We are rescued. Wow... kind of noises.
Sources outside the office said "PM started laughing along with all his other colleagues and giving them fives, raising hands, showing victory sign from their fingers and shouting like nobody dared to shout that way."
"Hey bala tali... Finally I am rescued from these people. Wow guys today party plans.... choose best of hotels, old monk and all the wines... we will have great stuff dudes... all have free beer and wine," Manmohan Singh found saying by a source.
He said "Tonight we will have rock and jazzzz and party music. Invite everybody, Madamji, Rahul Baba, Diggy, Chiddu, Sibal, Salman, everybody except TMC members. We will have party tonight."
The source said he was so much of shock seeing the other face of Manmohan Singh that he just went their and questioned about instant development.
Manmohan Singh said "That's my x-factor. I can easily change the mood. Now I am happy that only one woman can pull my hair and the other has gone beyond the wind wow what an experience."

Mulayam is maoist - Mamata Banerjee

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,


OPINION - POLITICS
(After her second failed attempt to irritate UPA government, Mamata Banerjee raised voice against Mulayam. This is her exclusive column with India Satire Correspondent after her defeat against Congress.)
Khabo roshogulla, roshogulla, roshogulla. Kitnaa roshogulla khaaboge agor mulayam roshogulla hard ban jaayega to kyaa karoge? Yes Mulayam roshogulla is hard, hard like stone, a rock hard. Hard like tortoise back and hard like something or many other things.
He is hard and he is no soft matching all the qualities of Maoist. Yes he is maoist which I discovered last time only when that Pranab another maoist was selected as President of India.
That time I went to meet her. Initially, this guy told me that he always be there for sister and never turns down his word. But after just one day, forget one day within few hours he turned down his word comfortably and told when he committed me. That is hard stone who doesn't want to get behind bars. Yes he is stone and rock too. He is maoist. Total id*ot maoist. When I asked him that time you called me sister, he told that he received call from his Mummy in New Delhi who ordered him that Pranabda is like God and he should serve him without any hesitation. Wow.
Yesterday, also he told everybody that he would or would not support UPA government. I think at least this time this idi*t would keep his word. But as like maoist he again turned it down and said that to stop secular forces he has to support. This time also he told me that he got a call from Mummy early in the morning asking him lift his ass in front of few CBI guys and get some bash on it if he doesn't really support the government.
That reminds me the power of the most powerful person is always like hold anybody's balls in the hand and asks him for his revering support. Neither that guy would oppose nor any body would come to know. When will I become so much powerful? Hmmm

Truth revealed why Anna Hazare opted out of Team Anna and Arvind Kejriwal's political party

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,

TOP STORY - SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY, POLITICS
Anna Hazare claims that there is no provision of fast-unto-death in political party made him decide not to opt for that option
Finally, after a long wait social activist and strong reformer Anna Hazare revealed the real reason why he opted out of the JV with Arvind Kejriwal, so-called Team Anna.
"I pursued Arvind to make a provision for fast-unto-death in every month in the new political party. However, he always denied that. Now, it was the test of my patience which I lost and decided to opt out of the team and upcoming political party," said Anna Hazare.
He said "I like to fast. I like to announce fast every month or two. It uses to keep me fit and a bit spiritual too. If the political party's formation would not allow announcing my favorite fast-unto-death funda then what is the sense of involving in such undemocratic party."
Sources said that Arvind Kejriwal was not very much welcoming over the idea of fast-unto-death in the political party. He wanted it to keep simple as like working style of BJP and Congress.
"Yes Arvind wanted to keep it like generally other political parties operate. He thought that there is no need to announce fast if he is not government and can't make law," said close aid of Arvind Kejriwal asking his identity to keep secret.
However, sources from Anna's side said that Arvind Kejriwal was adamant over the concept of fast-unto-death after he tried that one in July for 9 days.
"Nothing to eat for 8-9 days and that too no spiritual enjoyment for him, further he is also thin so no need for application of stricter diet and therefore he straight away told Annaji don't ask to fast again even in this political party," said sources close to Anna Hazare.
However, Arvind Kejriwal denied all these allegations and told India Satire correspondent "Actually, fast is totally a democratic idea while political party based on the concepts of Congress and BJP is a semi-democratic modern way of justifying the real rationale behind any decision over the discussion dais and allowing few mediocre panelists poking the real common guys over the issues unrelated to panelists by taking and flowing out decisions which are going to impact in the non-normal ways to normal people made by abnormal people (sigh...). So our goals are same but we tend to follow some different policies. The reason was not that I am afraid of fast. But sitting fast-unto-death every month is quite abnormal way of expressing democratic ideas."
Congress kept its doors open for both the social activists after the split between Arvind Kejriwal and Anna Hazare.
"We are ready if Arvind Kejriwal come to our party or UPA by joining hands with us and taking his upcoming 20 Member of Parliaments in 2014 elections," said Congress Spokesperson Manish Tewari.
Congress Senior Leader Digvijay Singh however, said that the party was willing to invite Anna Hazare.
He said "We are unconditionally inviting Annaji to our party. We are also very much democratic and will allow him to seat on fast-unto-death whenever he wants."

Never mind, joining IPL team - Mahesh Bhupathi's interview with India Satire

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 20 September 2012 | Posted in ,


OPINION - SPORTS
(Mahesh Bhupathi wrote a column on India Satire after AITA kicked him out of India Tennis for next two years.)
Writing on India Satire is writing from my heart. Whatever AITA had done with me whether it offered to play with bunch of idio*s such as Leander and Sania or I chose to play with Rohan Bopanna who never could pull up the tennis racket in his life, was totally my decision and I never allow anybody to tell me with whom I should play. By the way, it is true I have never seen Rohan lifted his racket over 90 degree angle. I know he can't take so much of weight. However, Leander can take weight of any kind of racket but he likes to pull the balls of others in his hands and not racket.
Forget my weird sense of humor, right now I am in a sad feeling as I have to show I am in sad feeling. Still I feel it really hearts when somebody kicks on your ass when your balls are in your pants unprotected and vulnerable. While the case is similar with me. First Sania kicked me out just to Shoaib who never picked a Tennis ball in his life, just she thought I was less fairer. Leander was also thrown out of her life because of his colour, not skin colour but the weird colours of his clothes. Now it hurts when AITA just banned me for 2 years and still I am not getting support that cartoonist Aseem Trivedi received.
So it is always a question what would I do post ban? Many suggested me for checking with District Magistrate, High Court and then Supreme Court. However, I am not that dumbass to make such move. Who would like to keep the judgement on hold for next 20 years. And if the court is going to remove my ban after 20 years, I wouldn't have capabilities to play even with my grand child. By the way, Lara is getting fat these days still I have to lie her that she is still beautiful and slim, slimmer than Priyanka Chopra.
Ok so question remains, what would I do post ban. Actually, I have a detailed discussion with Rohan Bopanna who is still incapable to lift the Tennis racket will join me in IPL auction. Actually, this was my plan just before Olympics to join IPL but no team showed any interest in me, despite my great shot making capabilities. I have an independent study with me which shows that my Tennis shots are 99% similar to any kind of cricketing shots, which includes huge resemblance with Sachin Tendulkar's square drive, straight drive and cover drive. I can also cut, pool and hook the tennis ball. So I thought of joining Cricket through IPL but couldn't enter. However, recently I came to know that Deccan Chargers is going to get shut down and therefore plans to actually send my resume for the next auction of the new team. Finally, I know I am the greatest hooker in this world and can really join an IPL team. Therefore, my great fans don't worry but I am there in front of you in IPL.

Buzzing Stocks: Suzlon Energy

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,



BUZZING STOCKS
Suzlon Energy dropped after precious client filed a case against company
Suzlon Energy: BSE: 532667 | NSE: SUZLON | BSE Sep 20, 16.51 -0.64 (-3.73%)
Shares of Suzlon Energy, a leading wind turbine maker of India dropped sharply after one of its precious customers filed a case against the company for not getting cool wind out of the wind turbine fans. Client said "In spite of so much hot climate in Gujarat, Suzlon's fans are not cooling us and rather are sending hot air."

Mulayam Singh Yadav said he actually believes in economic freedom but don't know what that is actually meant

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , , ,


NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS
Lucknow: Uttar Pradesh
Issue is he agrees to everything but not Congress despite the file sitting in Congress HQs
Just ahead of his final decision on supporting or opposing UPA government, Samajwadi Party Head, Mulayam Singh Yadav confirmed that he actually believes in adequate economic freedom that converts into adequate perfect competition leading great industrial revolution and thereby opening of job opportunities resulting in economic prosperity and furthermore economically developed nationalised way of getting into great boundaries of world economic super powers. However, he doesn't know what exactly that is.
"I am actually in favour of that thing which UPA government is planning to introduce in India. I know that thing will create more and more jobs and will boost demand for something will increase. But actually I don't know what is that and as a Samajwadi Party President, I have to oppose it," said Mulayam Singh in his nostrils.
He said "I know that by allowing firangi companies to invest in India will surely reduce something called fiscal deficit and thereby something called inflation, inflation must be something related to mehengai, Akhilesh told me about that. After inflation comes down, Subba Rao will reduce interest rates and thereby many companies will invest in India and that will create jobs somehow, that I don't know. But still I believe it just brought by Congress Party I have to oppose it."
According to sources, Mulayam was confused whether to support or not. He made many calls to his secretary asking him whether any file is opened or not so that he can surely take an independent call, a totally unbiased one.
"He is true leader. He understands all the economic nitty grittys but he doesn't know them what they exactly are. Finally, he also understands that there are few files are lying here and there which are actually Mayawati also searching, are more important than FDI in retail," said the source.

A Bihar shop keeper found asking why he was protesting against FDI in retail

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 19 September 2012 | Posted in , , ,


NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS
Patna - Bihar
Nitish Kumar said this was the move of national integrity by supporting shopkeepers of other states
A Patna shop keeper, Raghu Yadav found asking his mate why they were protesting against FDI in retail and what FDI in retail was actually meant for him.
"Arey hamkaa kuch samajh naahi aat hai, hum kaahe eehaa khade hot ke chillawat hai," asked Raghu Yadav to his friend shop owner called Ramkisan Sinha.
He asked "Ee FDI waa kaa hot hai. Aur ee BJP ke gudbag log kaahe apan ko leke hiyaa aaye huye hai."
Ramkisan said "Hum kaa bhi kaahe samajhat naahiye. Hum to apane dukaan me jaane ke liye ready waa huye hot rahe tab apan kaa wo Rames aake bolat rahe ki chaurahe me jaake chillana hot rahe hai."
Social Insecurity Expert Pramod Prakash Sinha gave his opinion on the overall conversation.
He said "I think Bihar Government told earlier that it will not allow FDI in retail in Bihar so whatever protests if they are against FDI would be stupid."
However, Nitish Kumar, Bihar's chief minister said "While Bihar Government is already against FDI in retail and no foreign company will set up its shop, what these people are showing national integrity, fighting for shop keepers of other states such as Maharashtra, Delhi and Rajasthan by shutting down their own shops. This is called Bihari power."

Mamata Banerjee to join Bengal CM's office after she left UPA

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,



NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS
Mamata didi will try to concentrate on work to forget her passionate love
Post break up with UPA government, Mamata Banerjee said that she would now focus on West Bengal's Chief Minister's job and try to bring some reforms for people of West Bengal. This way she will manage to forget the parting pain with somebody who is loved one.
"I can forgive maoist but I can't forgive UPA people," said Mamata didi in an exclusive interview with India Satire correspondent.
She said "First they put that Pranab on President's job and now they are doing what some idiotic thing. What the thing was ... okay whatever it was they are doing that stupid thing. Therefore I backed out."
According to sources of UPA government they felt Mamata Banerjee actually was wifey while UPA ministers acted like poor and harassed husbands.
"She was quite bitter and likes to dominate," said one minister from UPA Government, requesting anonymity.
He said "Now, she doesn't know the full form of FDI but still she just wanted to back out therefore backed out."
However, Mamata denied all the allegations and said she knew the meaning of FDI and it was Foreign Direct Investment.
While talking on her future plans, she said "It is always difficult to forget the love and if love is maoist then it hurts. I am also hurt by my beloved UPA government. Earlier it used to serve me whatever I demanded. But this time it refused to act as I told her. Now who would like to let leave such wonderful and caring maid. However, finally with heavy heart I had to decide that it was better to be different rather than tomorrow I become its servant. I am now thinking of concentrating on my job of CM. I will increase my working hours from 1 hour to 3 hours."



Buzzing Stocks: Shree Renuka Sugars

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 17 September 2012 | Posted in ,


BUZZING STOCKS
Shree Renuka Sugars rose sharply along with other sugar stocks after sources revealed that Cipla found a drug which would cure diabetes once and for all
Shree Renuka Sugars: BSE: 532670 | NSE: RENUKA | BSE Sep 18, 35.00 1.65 (+4.95%)
Shree Renuka Sugars rose sharply along with other sugar stocks after media sources revealed that pharma major Cipla invented a drug that would cure diabetes once and for all. Sources said that the drug will take sugar demand to new highs. However, development led to a sharp fall in Cipla's stocks which declined by over 0.6% in the trading session.

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