After Gwalior High Court removed ban on satire websites that showed some stupid content on Arindam Chaudhuri, IIPM Head decided to launch MBA degree in satires. The step was taken under the plan of improving the satire culture in India and guides the unemployed and underemployed satirists in the path of nation building.

"Guys! Quality of satires in India is way below the world ranks. The reason is 100% satirists are affiliated to UGC or AICTE institutions. They haven't tried independent intellectual education agencies such as IIPM. I would like to announce that IIPM is starting a full fledged 3- year post graduate diploma in satires," announced Arindam Chaudhuri, in a packed annual conference with IIPM alumni.

He said "These satirists are so stupid that they don't even understand that they are writing satires on the father of satires. (Arindam pointed towards himself)." 

All the students presented at the conference clapped in tandem.

"This kind of poor quality you can always expect from UGC or AICTE affiliated institution. I just want to change the entire scene. I want to improve the quality of satire, satirist and his target. I have no issue if they talk about some idiot politician, but a person like me which is involved in India's development process can't be targeted. That is the reason I want to start a course on satire. This will take India to next level of development. In this process I am going to use current staff of our institution to teach the aspiring satirists in their free time. This will help me in setting a landmark example of how to use available resources in most productive ways," said Arindam Chaudhuri.

Reacting to the allegations by media, Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Akhilesh Yadav said that development is invisible and can only feel.

"Boss, it's not necessary that all the development work is visible. Tell me, can you see air? But you can feel it. Development in Uttar Pradesh is same thing. You can only feel it and not necessarily you can see it by open eyes," said Akhilesh Yadav.

On completion of first year to his government, a leading news paper has alleged Akhilesh Yadav that his promises mostly unfulfilled.

Yadav said reporters "My government has fulfilled all the promises but the work and effects are invisible. You need special eyes to see them and not ordinary ones. But now that you don't have those special, angelic eyes I give you the list of my achievements."

List of Achievement

Promises

w  Law and Order situation will be improved

w  Communal riots will be declined

w  Rapes will be reduced

w  Development work all over the state

w  Tablets to Class X students

Invisible Achievements

w  Law and Order situation improved in Karachi, immediately after Akhilesh Yadav joined UP assembly

w  Communal riots declined just recently 2 days back in Dhaka

w  Rapes reduced in Haryana to 75 per day from 77 per day

w  Development work all over Gujarat, better road projects in Maharashtra and good quality bridges, damns and metro railways all over South India, just after joining Akhilesh

w  Central Govt yet to declare plan on free Akash tablets to Class X. As soon as Pappa becomes Prime Minister he would introduce such scheme.

Benedict XVI who put a foundation of resignations by Pope himself in the Vatican City refused to share his Twitter password with Pope Francis, drawing ire of the new Pope.

"This is totally unacceptable for a guy of such caliber. Now how can I spread message of peace and sanity to the world?" said newly elected Pope Francis.

According to sources, after declaring as an official Pope to spread the great message of Christianity to world, Pope Francis immediately asked for Twitter handle and wanted to tweet that he was Pope now. However, Pope Benedict XVI plainly refused to give it to him.

Pope Benedict XVI cleared that he just resigned from the job of Pope and not from Twitter handle. He also said that he actually resigned just to keep track of various Twitter trends and to be able to send his expert views comfortably.

He said "I am going to be an official tweet writer for the Vatican City while Pope Francis will handle all other dirty work."

Sources confirmed India Satire correspondent that officials at Catholic Church is trying to resolve the issue by talking to both the parties. Pope Francis threatened with his resignation if he would not get Twitter access.

India decided to retaliate fedayeen attacks in Srinagar by sending its active paranormal force of died politicians and criminals to Pakistan and PoK.

"We have our 1000 battalions of paranormal force equipped with new arms and ammunition. They are ready with all types of nuclear and chemical weapons which will be used in retaliation of Pakistani terrorists and military," said AK Antony, India's Defence Minister.

India will send its force located in Jaipur Fort. The force has a team of 1000 ghosts, 500 daayan and 300 rakshas, comes once in the night at 12 am for training. The paranormal force of India is considered as most trusted military force which can destroy entire terrorist camp in seconds.

Antony said "Politicians, murderers and criminals who were died in the past and converted to ghost, daayan, raakshash, etc., they all join our paranormal force immediately. They are well equipped with great sort of training and can destroy enemy easily."

Antony said that the force is very patriotic unlike its behavior before death happens to them.

Antony said that in this kind of corrupt scenario in defence, paranormal force was a best option.

"We also afraid direct attack on Pakistani terrorists and military as we believe in non-violence," said Salman Khurshid.

He said "I never like in killing anybody as far as he is killed by some ghost."

Italian govt decided to supply free air conditioners under brand name 'Bofors' to cool down angry Indians.

"We offer free Bofors air conditioners to all eminent Indians including political leaders and intellects to cool them down," said Italian Foreign Affairs Minister Giulio Terzi Sant'Agata.

Bofors ventured into Air Conditioner market these days as the business is getting lucrative with high demand from different government authorities.

Sant'Agata said "The suggestion came from Prime Minister Mario Monti to send some cool gas cylinders along with Air Conditioners to India so they can lose some anger."

India said it was angry after Italy refused to send back 2 marines facing trial in fishermen killing case.

According to sources, Mario Monti felt that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh's word "unacceptable" was highly condemnable and worried the Italian authorities.

"I decided to cool down India. I know Air Conditioners supplied by other Indian and Korean companies are not enough to cool them down. Therefore, thought to send Mr. Ottavio Quattrocchi son Massimo Quattrocchi with free Bofors air conditioners. This time he would not charge any commission," said Monti.

People will forget this too - Sushil Kumar Shinde

It is my personal observation, which is currently many scholars are studying that Indians forget things easily. Though that is a happy scenario for politicians and criminals, I think you guys can apply this time as well. I have observe that when we push a thing forward in front of you and what is left backward, generally leaves backward. Just few months back, I told media that Indian people have habit to forget things, so that this damn coal issue would also be forgotten instantly. But you guys made issue of that. Now same thing will happen with these Italian marines.

Yesterday only Madam had been to Italy just to have some tea and coffee with these two guys. She gently asked them whether they want to come to India, they said it was quite hot here in India and don't want to get tanned. So, what is the harm? For what reason, you are making so much of hue and cry? They will come in the winter vacation till date you all would forget what happened in March.

Massimiliano Latorreji personally told me that he would take his ship to Indian coasts in winter just to have a visit and chit chat with us. Gironeji is also willing to come that time. Now they told us that they would come sometime in winter, say in November or December so I think opposition and you Alzheimer prone Indians don't need to make any kindaa shout.

I know we like guests. I saw how much you all wanted Parvej Ashrafji and Hafiz Saeedji to settle in our country and don't want just as guests. I understand your emotions. This is a country which believes in 'Atithi Devo Bhav' ideology. But now those guys also have their personal work, their relations and their commitments  We can invite them but can't force them to stay here. So just I ask you all to stop crying for what had happened. Forget everything that you easily can do and wait till winter vacation.

Fake News

After reviewing the response from Italian Foreign Ministry that the marines Massimiliano Latorre and Salvatore Girone will not return to India, India's External Affairs Minister Salman Khurshid said that no need to call them back or put international pressure on Italy.

"I have gone through their response. As the damage is not that high, we think there is no need to waste our precious energy and resources to escalate the issues. A guy told me that only 2 Indians died and therefore we thought of taking the same stand that we took with Mr. Warren Anderson at the time of small Bhopal Gas issue," said Salman Khurshid.

Khurshid told reporter that damage was petty yaar, no need to give it wide coverage.

While many experts are taking humble stand for Italian marines, India said that it would not be very conventional in its approach.

"We welcome people from other countries, yaar. It's not like we tell them "ab aa to gaye ho lekin jaaoge kaise". Now they were our guests and sometime had to return to their homelands. It was Italy's internal issue; let that government sort it out. Right now we have a lot of work, arranging good run for Rahul Gandhi in 2014 elections. So wasting time in these matters would not really a good idea," said Salman Khurshid.

Khurshid said "We have dealt with USA successfully in Warren Anderson and David Headly issues. They were kept in US, even Headly was punished by the US courts."

The marines Massimiliano Latorre and Salvatore Girone got special permission by the Supreme Court to cast vote in last month's elections in Italy.