Headlines

Boss rejected demand of junior to stay cool for one day

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 18 July 2012 | Posted in

NEWS IN BRIEF – SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
Growing demand from juniors to announce a day when boss would not pretend to be dejected or deprived
A survey conducted by Piss Off Organization gave shocking numbers that 99.9% juniors in India feel that their bosses looked like they are pissed off, dejected or deprived souls just because they either pretend it or they are originally like that.
Suresh Malhotra, Senior Surveyor of Piss Off Organization said "We have conducted a vast survey among 32300 Indians which gives astonishing results to us. 99.9% junior colleagues think that the face of their boss is the major reason why they don't feel motivating towards work."
The study said that most of the junior colleagues move to rest rooms just to avoid seeing face of their bosses as first thing in the morning.
"Guys, his face is so irritating that I feel his wife told him to clean floor and wash crockery over night. He always looks dejected and deprived soul," said one of the candidates of the Survey, requesting anonymity.
One candidate said "I requested him once that chill down for one day in a month at least, he just threw a file on my face asking me to watch the file rather than his face, which I also felt a good idea."
Many candidates have suggested that a day should be declared as No Boss Day in a year in the lines of Valentine's day, Parents day and No Smoking day.
"That would be a good idea. My boss looks like a fruit which has sucked till the end (Chusa hua aam) that really penetrate my ass into my head. If Indian government declares such kind of day we will be happiest people in the world," said one candidate.

Citizens of Mumbai prayed to God for rains to get at least a day's holiday

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

NEWS IN BRIEF – SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
A notice issued to God, if he doesn't send heavy rain serious agitation is possible
Deficient monsoon of India has affected Mumbaikars a lot, which reflected in a candle light march by most of the citizens yesterday night for requesting God to send heavy shore of rains for at least 2-3 days.
"Guys it's damn fucking to go for work everyday and we work like ass holes. At least every year we get free 1 to 2 days leave from the office because of heavy rains. This year sucks; neither the rains came nor we got any leave," said Rohit Sharma, a Clerk in the private company (un named because of sensitive issue).
Mumbai has a track record of heavy rains which helps in collapsing the railway tracks and roads. However, this year because of deficient monsoon, Mumbaikars have to work every day and they lost their righteous leave.
Few Mumbaikars have shown their outrage on the laziness of the God and asked him to send some showers if he has capabilities.
"Oh that's really torturous yaar, I am dreaming these days that outside its raining heavily and I seating in my bedroom is enjoying Kanda Bhajji. But rain God sucks, I feel like loser," said Vivek Agnihotri, an Investment Banker in a reputed firm in Mumbai.
However, sensible citizens asked to keep calm and wait for few days before any serious agitation.

Pakistan court rejects 26/11 incident itself said it was movie footage

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 17 July 2012 | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF – POLITICS, TERRORISM, FOREIGN RELATIONS
Judge said the media footage of the incident was a ditto copy of Mithun's one of the movies
After rejecting the Mumbai attack report, Pakistani Court rejected 26/11 Mumbai attack in totality itself, claiming that it was 'B' Grade Bollywood movie footage.
On Tuesday, a Pakistani anti-terrorism court said the attack has no real evidences as the commission members were not invited to cross-certify the attack when it happened. The court said the members had to have presented at the time of the attack.
Judge said that just a few days back he watched a Mithun Chakraborty's 'B' Grade movie which had similar kind of stunts and actions which the television footage showed.
Judge said "I believe it must be similar to those footage in which Mithun was hitting on the noses of Pakistani terrorists. He threw 5 terrorists at a time from the hotel room. The movie was banned in Pakistan because an Indian hero was shown hitting hard Pakistani people. But coincidently I watched that movie and the truth came in front of me."
Ten gunmen stormed luxury hotels, a train station and a Jewish center in Mumbai, India's financial hub, in November of 2008, killing 166 people. The lone surviving gunman has been sentenced to death.
India blamed the Pakistan-based militant group Lashkar-e-Taiba for the three-day siege. It claims the attacks were carried out with state support from Pakistan — a charge denied by Islamabad.

SP Tulsian recommended same stock again which he last year recommended as multi bagger

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

NEWS IN BRIEF - BUSINESS
India's greatest equity research analyst and great mind, SP Tulsian recommended *** Ltd. as strong buy which he had recommended last year as multi bagger.
Talking on CNBC TV18, he said "In the market collapse, the stock has drawn out so much that it now automatically became a multi bagger idea and I strongly recommend this stock to my investors."
The stock fell down from 100 rupees to 20 rupees during the year and according to Tulsian therefore it became strong enough to go to 40 rupess therefore creating a multibagger idea for investors.
According to sources, great investor Rakesh Jhunjhunwala acted on this recommendation of Tulsian first time ever since Tulsian started recommending the stocks. However, now he is loss laden because of the recommendation.

India announced 3 ODIs and 2 T20s in December, after Pakistan promised it will stop all terrorism

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

NEWS IN BRIEF - SPORTS
BCCI produced plan that shows uneconomic to spend on terrorists while Cricket is income accretive opened eyes of Pakistan Government
After a long 5 years, India announced 3 one day internationals and 2 twenty-twenty matches with Pakistan putting entire 26/11 saga into dustbin, after Pakistan agreed that it will never produce any terrorist or use them against India. Pakistan also committed that it would return the lives that the terrorists took on Indian turf, in return of a series of tournaments with India. Pakistan was acting on a BCCI made plan.
Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari said "Last time when I visited India I had a secret interaction with
BCCI chief N Srinivasan who told us that it is stupid to spend money while earning is the best business deal. He told me that every businessman hate spending and concentration on making profits. Cricket is no loss game, thousands of stupids will watch Indo-Pak matches and then why are you wasting money over few useless terrorists. He also presented a detailed plan that how the value of the Pakistani economy is deteriorating while spending on non-productive terrorists and how the notional loss is increasing while not able to charge tax on Cricketers when they come playing after IPL."
Zardari told "I liked the plan at first instance only, but still I thought to produce it to our Supreme Court judge Justice Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry otherwise he would have made allegations that I made huge black money out of this deal. He thought the plan was strong and even Janaab Kayani also gave us permission."
Sources said that because of BCCI Chief N Srinivasan's persistent efforts to reduce the tensions between two countries, Pakistan Government is going to announce its most prestigious Mulla Digvijay Singh Award which earlier was honoured to only Manishankar Aiyer and Saif Ali Khan for their immense contribution to peace process between two countries.
According to an official statement made by Pakistan Government, the country will stop all the terror activities, helping terrorism and spreading terrorism with nuclear capabilities.
A spokesperson of the government said "We announced an employment guarantee scheme in Pakistan for all the terrorists of Jaish, Al Qaeda, Jamat Ud Dawah and Lashkar E Taiba under which all these idiots would be deployed as dhobis and dudhwalas."

Ladies across world raised questions to God why all husbands are idiots

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 16 July 2012 | Posted in ,

WORLD - SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY - LADIES AND GENTS
Campaign led by Michelle Obama and her husband's arch rival's wife Ann Romney
Ladies across the world pleaded God to know why their husbands are so irritating and idiots. The campaign was led by US President Barack Obama's wife Michelle Obama and US President's candidate Ann Romney along with White House bellweather Hillary Clinton.
"We are here to demand God to make our husbands clever, less irritating and useful for us," said Michelle Obama addressing a crowd of 45500 women came across the world.
She said "I was the one who knew that Obama was highly idiot since married with him. Therefore I first wanted to say sorry to US people for hiding the truth from them. Second now I want to make all of us pray to God that our husbands would be a useful thing for us."
All of women prayed collectively and asked God to give their husbands some bit of intellect. The crowd included some of the diplomats from India like Manmohan Singh's wife Gursharan Kaur and Pranab Mukherjee's wife Surva Mukherjee. BJP President Nitin Gadkari's wife Kanchan Gadkari was also present.
"Sisters we have gathered over here while forgetting all the rivalry among us created by our husbands to collectively ask the God to make them sensual.... ah errrr sorry... sensible," said Hillary Clinton helping serious crowd to laugh for a while.
She said "I wasn't aware of my hubby was idiot and damn stupid until Monica Lewenski directly told me. She told me that my husband can't remove hooks properly. How idiot he is!"
"But since then I always compared him with other leaders of world like Putin," she said.
Mitt Romney's wife Ann Romney said "When Michelle came to me with the idea I was not very willing to let media find that my husband was idiot. But she made me aware that while both the us show in public that our husbands are smartest in the world, privately we recognise them most idiots and losers."
She said "Mitt is highly irritating and shameless in private who only pretends that he sensibly understood the topics on the economy and jobs. I strongly believe in God and I think that he listens to collective prayers and we hope at least in next 5 years these people will become some bit of intelligent."

BJP celebrated a week that had no disappointment and shocks after a long time

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS
But something made serious to party time
Finally, Bharatiya Janta Party took a breather and all the senior party leaders met on a cocktail dinner party, after for last 1 week there were no issues raised by any of the irritant party members, including BS Yeddyurappa and ally Nitish Kumar.
"Hey guys, our party members and allies are very notorious and irritating. For last 2 years they were just pulling our hair from here and there," said Nitin Gadkari, BJP President.
He said "This week was calm and cool and therefore we are celebrating it in a Delhi's Pub."
Arun Jaitley, a senior party leader who was drinking Vodka said "Guys, its really tidious job to make rounds and rounds every week to Karnataka to make Yeddy feel good. That guy sucks yaar. He even didn't ask me coffee and made a list of his demands. Now as that demon is peaceful we are just playing with each others."
Sushma Swaraj who was dancing on the Pub platform on the tunes of Munni Badnam Hua Darling tere liye said, "After a long time I am performing a stage show. After that incident that notorius Diggy made me look fool and overall party scene was really bad. Now nobody can stop me. Munni badnam huaa daaarleeng tere liye."
Nobody was in the mood to talk about Elections 2014. However, while everybody was enjoying a serious shot of loud noise took the attention of everybody. It came from Senior most leader of BJP, Lal Krishna Advani's chair. All of them thought of some shocking thing and run towards his chair to see what happened and before reaching his chair they once again heard that awful sound.
Nitin Gadkari was first to move towards LK Advani. Advani calmly asked "Nitin what happened why are you running like a kid?" 
Gadkari replied "Nothing we thought of something serious when we heard that sound."
"Nothing serious," said LK Advani and gave a serious noise of burrrrppppp "Guys I was also enjoying by drinking Thumps Up, but didn't know that these days a lot of burrrrrrppppp produces with it."
The situation chilled out and everybody moved to their tables.

FLICKR PHOTO STREAM

dailyvid