Headlines

Finally bending over protests against petrol price hike, Indian government announced Fuel Security Bill

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 31 May 2012 | Posted in

TOP STORY - POLITICS
65% Indians will get fuel for almost free rates
After a bitter and strong protests against petrol price hike by opposition parties, Indian government bent over the demands and announced that it will create a special Fuel Security Bill in line with Food Security Act with a special legislature.

"While we saw all the common men came on the street, suddenly our an idea clicked in the master head of our Rahul Baba that why don't we announce a special package of Fuel Security Bill, to be converted as Fuel Security Act which will operate along with our masterpiece law of Food Security Act," said Manish Tewari, Congress Spokesperson.
Rahul Gandhi who himself attended a protest march in Hisar, Haryana took a closer view of the problems of Indian aam aadmis and thought of this great idea.
"Actually, there were many misconceptions over Rahul Baba's visit to Hisar. He was there to directly talk with protesters and resolve their matters immediately. They are really happy with the way Rahul Baba talked with them and really took serious view over their thoughts," said Chacha Digvijay Singh, a senior leader and Chief Mentor of Rahul Gandhi.
Congress senior leader, Rajiv Shukla informed India Satire Correspondent "Rahulji has talked with protesterji and asked us to draw a format of Fuel Security Bill which he had promised to the protesters. He told that the format will be in line with the Food Security Bill and should cover entire Below Poverty Line section (people with income of Rs28 per day or less) and Economically
 weaker sections, totalling to 65% of India's population. We draw a plan which Rahulji and Madamji also liked a lot. Based on the 1, 2, 3 and 4 plan we shall provide Kerosene at Re 1 per liter while LPG at Rs 2 per Kg (means Rs 33.5 per cylinder), diesel for Rs 3 per liter and petrol for Rs 4 per liter. That means entire fuel requirement for Rs 10 only. We shall first prepare the draft of Fuel Security Bill and will convert it as a Fuel Security Act."
However, he told correspondent to approach Pranab Mukherjee on understanding how entire plan is feasible.
Pranab Mukherjee told India Satire correspondent "Yea entire plan ish feashibol. If Roul Baba thinksh itsh fishible then itsh fishible. Shee whot I told media that factoarsh leading to India'sh shlowdown have bottomed out and that meansh we shall get more taksh revenue. And that revenue we can use to pay for thish new type of shubshidi."
But how will government collect the money as tax payers are already pay huge amount?
"Shee, Govornment ish conshern about comon man. We have to give petrol and diesel to poor at a very shubshidized ratesh. And what ish the taksh payer ish for? To pay for all thish shubshidiesh," told Pranab Mukherjee.
When asked about the step is to save UPA in 2014 elections, he said "Udi baba, don't shay like thish. UPA ish alwaysh famoush for populisht polishies and sho don't worry regishter yourself as a EWS member, you will alsho get petrol and dieshel at 3-4 rupeesh."

Breaking News: Mistakenly, Rahul Gandhi found protesting against petrol price hike

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

NEWS IN BRIEF - BREAKING NEWS, POLITICS
Confused with identity, Rahul Baba joined anti-government protest rally
India Satire correspondent captured Rahul Gandhi in a rally against petrol price hike, created a serious ruckus in the political arena stirring entire politics.

While covering the exclusive coverage on opposition's protests against fuel price hike India Satire correspondent reached Hisar, Haryana where he unexpectedly found Rahul Gandhi, India's future Prime Minister protesting against one-sided hike of petrol prices.
"Yes, Rahul Baba came in the morning when we gathered to rally against petrol price hike. He told us that we were aam aadmis and he had to support us against the government's sucking policies," said Kisan Chand Khurana, a farmer in the Hisar village.
When India Satire correspondent asked Rahul Gandhi on his reaction and sudden enlightnment about the protest over the petrol price hike, he said "Actually, yesterday I read an article that all aam aadmis were planning a protests and chakka jam. I thought I should support them. After I finished my Bournvita, I asked Mummy should I go for an event of aam aadmi, she told me yea I should go. Therefore I came here."
However, the development couldn't go properly to Congress Head quarters which hurried up the developments and sent Chacha Digvijay Singh to collect Rahul Baba from the village.
After a long conversation with Rahul Baba, Diggy Chacha convinced him that this was an anti-government and anti-aam aadmi with communal touch protest conducted by opposition party so he should left.
When India Satire correspondent reached Diggy Chacha to know his views, he said "No Rahul baba is not idiot, he came here out of goodwill gesture to support aam aadmis."
Between Rahul Baba promised all the protesters that he will urge the government to consider Fuel Security Bill next year in line with Food Security Bill.

Over excited Shahrukh Khan is under observation of his brain cells, after observing for half an hour released

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

News in Brief - Bollywood
No needs to worry, it happens in the cases like these - Doctors
After successfully completed 5 year plan to win IPL, Kolkata Knight Rider's (KKR) owner Shahrukh Khan (SRK) has admitted to a mental asylum for a treatment of his brain cells, as doctors feared that a way beyond expected change in brain cells.

"Actually, SRK was over excited of the victory in the final of IPL loosening his grip over tounge and brain and therefore he had to undergo through Continuous Talkative Disease (CTD) which can be handled only by Psychologists," said famous Psychiatrist Arun Sharma from Mumbai.
The syndrome was first identified by SRK's personal doctor Shaikh Janabullah Hasan, when SRK was continuously talking in front of media and giving unrelated statements depicting him that he might be wanted to go for elections in 2014.
Hasan said "I couldn't understand what SRK was exactly up to. First after win instead of talking about he was saying about apologies on the incident in Mumbai. Then he was shockingly dancing with his rival Akshay Kumar, in Bengal with Mamata didi. He was saying something that he was not badshah of cricket, though nobody had really asked him. I also saw him supporting West Bengal government for felicitating ceremony of KKR. Then again he said monkey was off the back. Unexpectedly, he kept mum on the nationwide popular event of nude Poonam Pandey and finally he said that he has realised that he could also fail. I can't really relate any of his statement and really creates confusion. Therefore, I decided to take him to Psychiatrist Dr Arun Sharma, who took him for half an hour in his diagnosis room and revealed that he is undergoing through CTD."
Dr. Arun Sharma said "Yes actually this kind of disease is possible in a normal human being. But first time it was found in an extraordinarily abnormal person who represents many facets of life. I believe SRK will be fine in few days."
While India Satire correspondent could not reach to SRK for his direct remark, sources said that the actor is taking a bit rest and his wife Gauri, slapped a sticky tape on his mouth.
"Yes actually, Gauri bhabhi had to do that as SRK was continuously muttering something like I apologies Shirish Kunder for watching his Tees Maar Khan, I apologies Salman for thinking about his body, I apologies K-Jo for telling lie that he was the only one man in my life, I apologies CSK for defeating, and so on. Finally, bhabhi decided to shut his mouth," said Sajid Khan, a family friend and director of Housefull series. 
It is still to confirm that any other KKR sportsman is going through this disease.
(As suggested by Shash2k2)

Facebook to enter into washing machine market, announces Facebook Washing Machine for social networking savvy ladies

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 30 May 2012 | Posted in

BRIEF NEWS - WORLD, BUSINESS, TECHNOLOGY
Ladies now can access Facebook on washing machines
After getting an immense amount of publicity on the entry in the Smartphone market, Facebook announced that it will launch Smart Washing Machine for social networking savvy ladies by 2014.

The company's chief Mark Zuckerberg said "We will immediately line up the Facebook Washing Machine's launch, after the launch of Facebook Smartphone."
Revealing the need for the washing machine equipped with social networking, Zuckerberg said "Most of the ladies in the world are engaged their 2-3 hours on washing the clothes through their washing machines and really gets difficult to post their statuses on Facebook. Our washing machines will allow them to access Facebook on the machine only. Along with washing and drying the clothes, they can also post their statuses, mention likes, access different pages which support better cleaning of house and washing the clothes, etc. They can also join or make their own pages. It would be as easy as a user accesses Facebook on the internet."
Facebook Washing Machine will have a screen with Facebook loaded and using wi-fi or 3G technology, ladies can access it.
"We shall use Smartphone's screen so that they can easily use the touchscreen mode. For few people who like to type can use QWERTY keypad as well," said Zuckerberg.
Zuckerberg's announcement immediately caught a big amount of eyeballs on the internet. While many Zuckerberg followers immediately clicked on the like button, many critics started criticizing Facebook's move as it is going into unrelated business.
Businessweek covered a story 'A Facebook Washing Machine: Ambitius Leap or Fatal Mistake' while Business Insider said 'Here's why the Facebook Washing Machine Will Be An Absolute Disaster.' Sources said that these critics only replaced word phone with washing machine and circulated similar article due to timely posting requirements.
Few optimistic analysts predicted that entry in the washing machine markets would surely help Facebook shares to get support at near $0.4 to 0.7 levels.
Mark Pinchar, an equity analyst said "I am a bit optimist and wouldn't like to say that Facebook should be traded at zero dollars. I would say the inventory of Facebook's washing machine in year 2014 would be valued at 0.4 to 0.6 dollars per share."

Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook revealed that he didn't want to spend his pocket money on buying Opera

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 29 May 2012 | Posted in

BRIEF NEWS - WORLD, BUSINESS
Zuckerberg posted on his Facebook profile; Facebook users protests, asking for dislike button on the wall
Finally, Mark Zuckerberg revealed that he was not really interested to buy Opera and few more other crap companies out of his own pocket money and therefore he raised it through IPO.

He posted on his Facebook wall "I actually want to reveal that I was not really interested in acquiring junk and crap companies like Opera out of my own pocket money as my Pappa and spouse were very much rational human beings and they told me use other's pockets for these kind of decisions. Therefore I thought raising money through IPO. Sorry for making this announcement just a bit earlier, even before Facebook price touching its real value of zero dollar."
The announcement came after the trading session in the US markets and therefore real impact of the announcement couldn't be judged.
However, the announcement couldn't go well with the finance executives in the US. While most of them were taking good night sleep, few tweeted immediately.
"Facebook sucks, Zuckerberg sucks," tweeted Warren Buffet "God! if I could have sticked to my rule not to invest in IT stocks, the business I never understood."
Earlier, before the announcement the investors broke down the Facebook's wall of 30 and took it to $28 levels, as the company started using IPO money lavishly by planning to buy Opera browsers with no real revenues. Many believe that the stock will now touch $20 immediately and a week target is $0.1 per share, a real value of money spent on building the website.
Richard Toblett, a real equity analyst with sensible command over valuation said "While his own company is not earning a pie he is going after a company that never generated real revenues and sell free products. Next month he will announce f-Phone to compete with i-Phone. Who knows what?"
Few humanitarian organisations, however, lauded Zuckerberg's announcement.
Peter Packer, President of US Humane and Dogs Association (USHDA) said "Zuckerberg showed immense social responsibility by posting it on his Facebook wall before the share price touched to its actual value of zero dollars."
The post was viewed by millions of Facebook user but very few clicked on the like link. Sources said that the investors who made a short sell in the stocks only clicked on the Like button while others agitated and demanded a new dislike button on Facebook.

IIMs to introduce 'Poonam Pandey Technique of Self-Marketing' in its MBA Marketing curriculum

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

BRIEF NEWS - EDUCATION
Poonam Pandey's real life case study can be a real kicker for IIM students to achieve their goals - IIM Professor
All the IIMs jointly decided to include Poonam Pandey's real life case study as a new topic in the Marketing curriculum of MBA students. The topic will improve the self-marketing skills of the students by using various mediums like news media, social media and print media.

"Poonam Pandey's acts are really inspiring. Within a short span of 1 year she has achieved an immense popularity in India. More than 35% time of last 1 year to date, she topped the Google Trends. Her contents were shared most of the times on Twitter and Facebook and great thing is she was one of the hottest celebrities who attracted discussions in the serious and non-idiotic English news channels such as Times Now, NDTV and CNN-IBN," said Prof. Samir K. Barua, Director of IIM, Ahmedabad
He told India Satire correspondent "We were keeping a close track on her activities since she announced that she will be a real luck for Indian Cricket team in World Cup 2011. We also conducted an independent survey with Planman's IIPM which gave us some astonishing results. The survey only suggests one thing that Poonam was a real cream of success in the self-marketing subject."
One faculty from Banaglore IIM without disclosing his name said "All the IIMs had taken collective efforts to gather a study regarding how to enhance self-promotional techniques, in which Poonam Pandey is best. She used a very subjective thing that was emotions of general public and temptations to sell her name and gather followers. This would be a really great addition to our Marketing curriculum."
Prof. Barua told correspondent that the new subject will be added in the name 'Poonam Pandey Self-Marketing and Promotional Techniques'.
India Satire correspondent received a slide of the study from inside sources of institute, revealing the steps that Poonam Pandey follows for public campaigning.
8 steps for successful Self-Marketing/Promotional campaigning

Video of photo shoot of Poonam Pandey's still unavailable making internet users restless

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

BRIEF STORY - BOLLYWOOD
Only curves? Asks ardent followers of Poonam Pandey
While Poonam Pandey's nude photo was available on the internet on various soft porn, porn and news websites, the internet users are becoming restless over the unavailability of the video footage of that photoshoot.

While many websites claimed that they have the video of entire photoshoot showing some more intimate postures of Poonam, the internet users kept cautious stand claiming that they might be morphed with some B-Grade actress with fat tummy.
"The video becomes official and unmorphed when it gets released on Time of India (TOI) website," said a frequent flyer on the TOI website, Nishant. TOI is popular among the young kids to old age people for hot to chill contents.
Deepak Raje an ardent follower of Poonam told India Satire correspondent "WTF yaar! Just till few days we were waiting for something productive at least she will show us some bit of curves since she announced she will be nude after India won the world cup final. But now after IPL we felt so foolish to see her photo. Yucks! only curves no bulge.... That photo is making us continuously restless..."
Few others however, admired the courage of Poonam and are satisfied that Poonam at least showed some curves.
Rajneesh Yadav said "Arey kuch to Poonam ne dikhaya hai... Aakhe taras rahi thi.."
However, he is hopeful of getting a video clip that covered entire photoshoot.
"Yes actually I am frequently visiting few porn sites along with TOI to get some clips of the videos of that hot photoshoot," said Yadav.
The photographer who took the photos said that he is waiting for Poonamji's instructions for releasing that video.
Aspiring actress Rozlyn Khan, however, criticized Poonam Pandey for supporting KKR.
"She wanted to steal the show. It looks so ridiculous to pose a nude for the team that won. See I showed some more bit for a losing team," Rozlyn told India Satire Correspondent.

Microsoft Outlook will ask readers to give read receipt after the reader completes reading entire email

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

BRIEF STORY - BUSINESS
Microsoft plans to shift service from lower IQ levels to higher ones
Finally, Microsoft found the solution for its most idiotic service of 'Read Receipt' in MS Outlook, a famous Email Programme of the company.

While there is a serious bug which is carrying over last many years that the Microsoft's Outlook programme asks reader a 'Read Receipt' before even he opens the email fully and read the message.
"It looks ridiculous. What the hell Microsoft thinks about itself? Such an idiotic programme that asks receipt before even the message was read. It shows low intellectual quotient of Microsoft engineers," said Stephen Jones, a regular user of Microsoft Outlook programme.
Systems Analyst from Microsoft, Marie Punta said "Yea actually that problem was recently observed by Mr. Bill Gates, owner of Microsoft who received some urgent email from US President Barack Obama, yet before opening of the message fully, forget reading the message a pop up came asking 'Read Receipt', which in advertently Mr. Gates had to click to read the entire message."
Punta continued "Mr. Gates was so much irritated that he told all of us to do innovation and start working on MS Office 15 which will be launched with a new version of MS Outlook with an intelligent system that will identify the eyeballs staring at the message and based on the collected data it will send the read receipt to the sender of the mail.

A fan of Rajinikanth stopped wearing banyan on Rajini's personal request

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

BRIEF NEWS

Another extreme touched by Rajinikanth's fan following

After requesting his fan not to contest elections from Pudukottai Assembly constituency, Tamil superstar and India's only real superhero requested another fan to not to wear vest (banyan). The fan, who is also a coconut vendor in Chennai, accepted the request and stopped wearing banyan immediately to go topless.

Development came at the time Rajinikanth was visiting Chennai in the afternoon.

"Rajini Saar's car AC was not working and therefore he just opened the windows while a wave of sun heat came inside," informed Rajinikanth's driver Venkatesha.

Recently, Rajinikanth requested his fan, K Sridhar from Pudukottai district to withdraw the nomination or not to use the name of the fans club or its flag if he wished to go ahead with his decision. Sridhar immediately followed and withdrew his nomination. This was another extreme of Rajinikanth's fan following.

Venkatesha told India Satire correspondent that Rajini told him to stop the car and went to a coconut vendor who was wearing a banyan with neatly belted with a leather belt on his navel row and properly shut the intimate parts with a lungi.

"Rajini Saar saw him and asked his name who told that he was Ramappa," said Venkatesha.

"Rajini Saar told Ramappa that Raamappaah... inna so much of clothes you are wearing and I am feeling heatt out of that. You should not wear such a tight banyan, otherwise you will feel sweaty. I requestt you that you don't wear banyan and remove it from your body," said Venkatesha.

Ramappa immediately removed his banyan to show his fat tummy and made sure that Rajini's eyes will get brighten.


"Raajini Saar izz real godda. He showed so much of care towards me and outta of care only he told me to remove my banyan," said Ramappa. Correspondent said that the development immediately flew to everywhere and all the coconut vendors in Chennai are now topless.

Karan Johar will strip all his clothes if problems between Shahrukh and Salman Khan resolves

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

BRIEF NEWS - BOLLYWOOD
Poonam Pandey's latest flick inspired K-Jo's decision
Fanatically fascinated by KKR's win, Karan Johar announced that he will strip all his clothes if the matters between Shahrukh Khan (SRK) and Salman Khan resolves. Sources said that Karan Johar was inspired by Poonam Pandey who recently took a picture in her birthday suit, as committed before KKR's win.

"I am fuc*ed yaar because of the battle between these two machos. It is out of my imagination that I have to live with only one buddy while another is angry. This seems a really badass for me," said Karan Johar, popularly known as K-Jo.
K-Jo earlier worked with both together in a movie called Kuch Kuch Hota hai. However, despite talks that relationships were improving between Salman Khan and Karan Johar, Salman skipped his birth day.
While SRK promised K-Jo to gift him the IPL Cup on his birthday and would try everything to fulfill that promise, remained mum when asked for reuniting bonds with Salman Khan.
K-Jo told India Satire correspondent that while Poonam Pandey is a lady and she can take such a step and become a lucky mascot, why not he.
"I still look young and a treat to watch for many reverse sex or similar sex lovers. Through, this nude picture I will ask them all to pray to the god for creating a bond between these two macho men," said K-Jo.
However, Poonam Pandey, who was real inspiration behind K-Jo's decision was, was kept herself low profile.
"So what, if he wants to get nude in front of viewers and why there is such a big blah-a-ah? There is no need to give so much publicity to his decision on the news papers and its his personal decision so keep it personal only and no need to give popularity," said Poonam Pandey.
While she came to know that K-Jo's decision was inspired from her own nude claims, she said "That's cool! But I haven't heard any offers from him or SRK, till date."
K-Jo's decision however, created a ruckus among bollywood personalities, prominent socialites and many netizens.
Bollywood personality Ram Gopal Varma said "Shit! Ever since his Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, I told he is a dumb a$$ and he is proving it by these kind of idiotic activities. I would like to see nude ghosts and no way he is near to become a ghost and let us leave alone."
Prominent socialite and great fashion designer Manish Malhotra said "Oh shit! K-Jo should not do this to me. He should keep it more private and personal between us rather than exposing the delicate flickets of our lives."
Most of the netizens said that they are heterosexuals and would not be interested in this news or images of K-Jo.
Between there was an offer from BCCI Chief to K-Jo for keeping his mouth shut and don't lead a new ruckus to be created by Ashwin, his son. Sources said that Srinivasan offered a new team, Team Puducherry to K-Jo, for postponing this decision.

Announcements: India Satire is on Rediff Pages!

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

ANNOUNCEMENT

Follow India Satire on Rediff Pages and keep yourself updated in easier way

India Satire is on Rediff Pages. Chance to keep you updated everytime in faster way.

Follow India Satire on Rediff Pages

Stray dogs took possession of Chennai’s Chidambaram Stadium immediately post IPL final match

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 28 May 2012 | Posted in


BRIEF NEWS - CRICKET
Asks BCCI to reduce duration of the tournament
Chennai-based stray dogs immediately took possession of M Chidambaram (No he is not related to P Chidambaram) cricket ground which was occupied by BCCI for IPL under tight security for almost two months.

"Yes, we took possession just at 1am after KKR-CSK match as decided earlier with BCCI Chief N Srinivasan," confirmed All India Stray Dog Association (AISDA) President Shera.
"No neither we supported KKR nor CSK as we all think it was a total bullshit," told Shera.
He also confirmed that they had to fight to occupy the place as teams such as KKR was celebrating beyond decided time limit of 12.30pm.
Shera told India Satire correspondent that before beginning of the IPL tournament all the dogs immediately left the place as per the request of BCCI Chief but when time came for human beings they remained stick to that place.
"Human celebrities and few shameless cricketers were still hanging around and finally after an attack by us and when few saw seriously crackling bites from me and my colleagues, they left the ground," said Shera.
Tommy, a dog who just a few months back left his house for sanyas told India Satire correspondent "We actually believe in non violence but few human beings were doing notorious activities like one guy just slapped my friend, Moti and abused him calling ma**d and bhe**d, so instead of using ban kind of foolish human activities we just kissed his feet a bit loudly, for which his reaction was very much loud."
According to sources that guy was Shahrukh Khan and he had to face burnt of Chennai's stray dogs. Dogs lobby is also deciding the length of IPL and till when they should allow their place to occupy. "We feel that IPL officials are quite blatant and despite losing popularity of the game and falling TRPs they are conducting this useless event for over a month, which is quite ridiculous and inconvenient for us," said Shera.
While India Satire correspondent tried to reach Srinivasan, he was told that BCCI Chief and owner of Chennai Super Kings was under a serious mental trauma and would hardly be able to speak. However, his secretary told that Srini Saar is recovering fast and seriously considering demands of dogs to reduce the length of the game which at least virtually will help the team to win next year's IPL.


Event book








Shahrukh Khan announced a movie version of final match of IPL

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

TOP STORY - BOLLYWOOD
Movie would help recover Ra-One's losses
Shahrukh Khan (SRK) announced a movie version of IPL's final match that Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) won against Chennai Super Kings (CSK). SRK expects the movie version will be a bigger hit than his earlier Super Hero love story saga – Ra-One. SRK announced his plans in the grand party, after the IPL win.

"Yes, 2012 was a very bad year for me. However, it seems now I am recovering from that notorious phase. Erstwhile known for its dubious performance, KKR is now a big win. I want to release a movie on this win," said SRK in the party.
He said "This will not be an idiotic venture as like Ra-one and would have some serious theme like Chakde!"
However, according to sources, SRK was a bit on the top after having a bit of som ras (no relation to aam ras). But SRK's close friends told that he was serious about the film.
"I myself will direct this movie," said Karan Johar (K-Jo), SRK's buddy who is also a lucky mascot for SRK. SRK did My Name is Khan a mega blockbuster with him.
He said with wet eyes "SRK promised me on my birthday before leaving to the match that if KKR wins then he would be the person who directs a movie on the final match. He told me who else will direct it otherwise."
SRK will perform as Manvinder Bisla's role who came from a small town called Hisar and steal the show.
"Yea we bought all the rights from Bisla," said K-Jo "However, SRK will act as SRK himself in the movie and not Bisla. The theme will be before the final match with CSK, Gautam Gambhir gets worried on how to perform in the final when SRK comes to him and tells that he himself will take the strike. Though SRK was retired 35 years back from the active cricket, he was still a performer. After several doubts, Gambhir allows SRK to bat and he creates a big century. Out of 191, SRK scores 150 runs."
K-Jo told India Satire correspondent that the movie will be thrilling; it will have romance, emotional dramas, sacrifices of Poonam Pandey who strips for SRK's win and fights with anti-humane Mumbai Security guards.
"There is enough scope to keep few action sequences like Jaipur cigarette saga and punching Mumbai Security guards," said Karan Johar.
K-Jo confirmed that SRK called Poonam Pandey and thanked her for being his luck after India's world cup win. He plans to give a suitable role to her in the movie.
"The songs will be mostly dream songs of Gauri Bhabhi," K-Jo informed "They will be shown in every time out and before any thrilling over."
SRK also approached Farah Khan for the movie choreography, which she humbly accepted. According to sources, this way she saved her wifey husband's (Shirish Kunder) face to get a hard hit.
Shirish Kunder who uses his wife's clip, shampoo and ribbon said that he would really love to see if her wife would get back to SRK's camp.
Sajid khan, bollywood's funniest director approved by most serious director Sajay Leela Bhansali, said'' its great idea as people want only entertainment, who the hell cares about critics. I make movies only for people below IQ 50, and we have millions of such fans."
However a section of bollywood is not happy. A very prominent member of bollywood, who requested to keep his name anonymous told India Satire correspondent "Funny! First he sent all the producer money to Ra-One's gutter now he again wants to lose money. Why doesn't he accept that viewers don't want to see KRK of a big budget movie."
Ganguly also responded saying "If you lose money in buying player like Yusuf Pathan for millions then you have to find such silly way for recovery. Retaining me could have saved much more money."
Sources told that SRK offered Yusuf Pathan a role of spotboy in the movie.
SRK's rival Salman Khan said "I don't watch IPL as I am still to finish the counting of money created by Dabangg. Then I will start Ready and Bodyguard."
Meanwhile Priyanka Chopra tweeted all the best and offered her dates for the lead heroine's role or at least an item number.


(Story was contributed by our special correspondent Jhyap) 

Hockey India approached Manvinder Bisla to lead Indian Hockey Team in Olympics rather than search for place in Team India

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


BRIEF NEWS - SPORTS

Watching his onslaughter of Chennai balling, Hockey India felt he deserves better hockey player than cricketer

An overnight hero, Hisar based Manvinder Bisla who onslaught Chennai Super King's batting has been approached by India's hockey governing body Hockey India to play as a hockey player rather than Cricketer.

"He has immense talent to use hockey stick and create havoc in the minds of other hockey team players," said said sports minister Ajay Maken.

Maken said "I watched his entire inning yesterday and I feel he literally smashed ball like a hockey player smashes by hockey stick. I feel he should be in the team Hockey rather than trying and struggling for Indian Cricket Team."

N Srinivasan, BCCI Chief said "Yea that's good idea but Hockey India should expedite in its decision, as otherwise I was planning to take him in Chennai Super Kings next year."





After Nitin Paranjpe retaining his position, HUL announced launch of Pepsodent toothpaste which will convert white tooth in transparent ones

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


BRIEF NEWS - BUSINESS, INNOVATION

This interesting product will remove plaque, enamel and every rubbish thing from teeth

Mumbai - Nitin Paranjpe, who is the only CEO in the past two decades to be recommended by the India's largest FMCG company Hindustan Unilever's board for a second stint announced that the company will launch a series of Pepsodent toothpaste which will clean tooth to transparent levels.

HUL is a leading player in the toothpastes along with Colgate India. The company sells its toothpaste varieties under Pepsodent and Close-Up brands. However, after a big bang promotions during last few years the company is now slow in terms of marketing initiatives. Sources said that the company is waiting for Proctor & Gamble, another FMCG major to launch its toothpaste series and fight with Colgate which will weaken its largest competitor in India.

However, denying all such speculations Mr. Paranjpe said "Actually, we were researching a lot in this category. This is lowest penetrated in India and offers huge opportunities. Indians clean their teeth only once a day unlike western countries where people clean their teeth twice a day. For last few years we tried to change this habit of Indians. We let allow Colgate to make rural and urban campaigns so that using their platform and adding some bit of bucks to our marketing we would have sold the toothpastes. However, it seems that Colgate is failed to achieve our target and finally we decided to launch our trump card."

He said "What is the logic in tasting whether your teeth are white, black or yellow by always keeping that useless strip in front of teeth. Even I used Pepsodent toothpaste and that particular strip but couldn't get the required results. For 3 years long my tooth are same colour. So finally I asked our research team to find out such a plaque remover toothpaste which will make teeth more clean and white which could have been recognised without using that hopeless strip. Our research team gave us mind boggling product that directly remove yellowness, whiteness and make teeth so clean that they look transparent."



The company's research official, Sanjeev Bhatia said "Yea all credit goes to me. From the start I directed myself towards such kind of innovation. If a person uses this product the tooth becomes clean gradually removing plaque, enamel and finally everything on the teeth to the levels it become transparent, so there is no need to use that strip at all."

Colgate India, whose toothpaste is recommended by 95% of India's dentists, saw a threat out of this development.

"Yea it's possible, people may switch to this toothpaste. However, right now we can't say what will be our stand," said Mukul Deoras, Chairman of Colgate India.
He thrashed on the critics who say that dentists only recommend Colgate toothpaste to weaken their teeth by increasing the repeat customers and thereby dentist's business.


"That allegation is totally idiotic. Dentists only recommend our toothpaste so that they will make some bit of social work," said Deoras.





Depressed N Srinivasan found drinking Vijay Mallya's Royal Challenge Whisky instead of filter coffee

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 27 May 2012 | Posted in


BRIEF NEWS - CRICKET

Announced concrete pitches made by his India Cements from next IPL

Facing triple whammy of slowing cement industry, gay son's public demonstration and losing the crown of IPL, depressed BCCI Chief and owner of Chennai Super Kings N Srinivasan drank Vijay Mallya manufactured Royal Challenge whisky instead of filter coffee, said sources.

"Yes, Srini Saar asked me Royal Challenge whisky and drank neat," said Bar Tender Vijay Krishnan.

"I told him filter coffee was available, as like other bars in Tamil Nadu but he refused coffee and persuaded only upon whisky and that too Royal Challenge," said Krishnan.

Sources said that after losing the match to Kolkata Knight Riders, Srinivasan felt that he was on the same boat of Vijay Mallya, who was earlier poked by him.

"Srini saar offered his apologies to Mallya and said that he was now feeling so much depressed as Mallya is," said a cleaner of Srinivasan's house.

Both have idiot sons, losing teams in IPL despite capabilities and falling businesses.

When India Satire contacted N Srinivasan, his family earlier refused to allow him to meet, as there was a strong hang over in his mind after his team Chennai Super Kings (CSK) lost to Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR). However, after a lot of persuasion Srinivasan gave a brief interview to the correspondent.

"I am feeling like I lost to KRK, oh sorry KKR and not CSK. My cement business is already dwindling out of oversupply slow demand situation. Nobody knows when will Competition Commission will slap a big fine on me for allegation of price cartelization and that idiot Ashwin, who is dumb like Siddharth Mallya, you would not understand how much pain I am feeling," said N Srinivasan with wet eyes.

Talking about his future plans, Srinivasan said "I talked with Mahi (Mahendra Singh Dhoni) that how would be it if we convert all the pitches into concrete pitches made of cement manufactured by India Cements (Srinivasan's cement company). This would provide great kind of pitches to our team and also bailout my own company. However, he asked me when his term was ending with CSK. Nobody understands my problem."

Sources said that after his apologies, broad hearted Vijay Mallya told Srinivasan supplying all kinds and varieties of liquors and added him to a list of honorable socialites who are deserved to get Kingfisher Calendars to make the sadness light.





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