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Top Stories of the day: Kolkata Knight Riders, Mamata Banerjee, Mahendra Singh Dhoni, Rowdy Rathore, Pranab Mukherjee, Manmohan Singh, Yusuf Pathan, M Karunanidhi

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 27 May 2012 | Posted in


TOP STORIES OF THE DAY

Fuc*ingly Idiotic still worthy to read
India Satire introduces top stories of the day article. These will involve today's stories from Google News and the utter nonsense unreal stories by India Satire.

Top Headlines

Celebrating the victory of Kolkata Knight Riders, Chief Minister of Mamata Banerjee announced an apex body to monitor demands of animals in zoos.

It's said that Mahendra Singh Dhoni was afraid of the Kolkata Police waiting outside Chennai ground to take him and insert in jail if he had won the final match in IPL.

After Mamata didi's statement that she wants to wash filth created by Communist Party of India (Marxist), Congress said if she moves to NDA as earlier indicated, the party will not get a chance to wash her filth.

Mamata Banerjee said she feared that CPI Marxist and CPI Maoist will merge in future to create CPI Marxo

Producers of Rowdy Rathore opposed the arrest of Jagan Mohan Reddy, as it fears that it will lose the audience due to bandh and curfew.

Pranab Mukherjee said that the country is not enough slowed down and inflation is still so low that it makes difficult to achieve the target of direct taxes of 12% of GDP.

Government confirmed that Manmohan Singh doesn't use coal to cook the food, rejecting the charges set by Team Anna that there were irregularities in the allocation of coal blocks.

Many IPL teams approached Yusuf Pathan, as he became first player to win IPL with two teams. Luck by chance!

DMK Chief M Karunanidhi confirmed that a dishwasher and a cook asked him whether he is trying for president post. However, he said he denied.





Recap of India Satire last week

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Saturday, 26 May 2012 | Posted in

India Satire week ended March 25, 2012









Pakistan plans to cut down the expenses on clothes, after US cut aid on arrest of the doctor who informed CIA about Osama bin Laden

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 25 May 2012 | Posted in


BRIEF NEWS - WORLD

All The dresses to cut by half meter to 1 meter

After a US senate committee has voted to cut Pakistan's aid by $1m for each of the 33 years of a prison sentence given to a doctor for helping the CIA to track down Osama bin Laden, Pakistan government decided to cut costs on clothing which is considered useless in the western countries.

"This is a right approach towards westernizing Pakistan and show our conviction towards the steps against terrorism," said Pakistan's Prime Minister Yousaf Raza Gillani.

He informed in a packed media conference that the government decided citizens to cut short all their dresses, clothes by half a mtr to 1 mtr each. He also told reporters that similar kind of cloth cutting exercise was done in India under the supervision of Mahatma Gandhi.

"This will definitely meet whatever funding shortfall comes from the US," said Gillani.

He said "Pakistan's research is so strong that it had found out this great solution."

Gillani informed the press conference "All the approvals from Supreme Court and Janaab Ashfaq Kayani have already received and we shall see the implentation over next 6 months."

While the decision received mixed response, most of the Madarsas and different religious monuments and great spiritual leaders demanded that the ban should be 
on men's wear while women's wear can use to cut the spending.



Gillani told reporters that he was seriously considering the proposal of all Mullahs and Hakims and will forward it to Kayaniji.


Happy with the government's decision Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari tweeted "Kudos Gillani, can't wait to see Heena Rabbani in a small burka."





Rowdy Rathore is not actually 2 hero story - Prabhu Deva

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 24 May 2012 | Posted in


BRIEF STORY - BOLLYWOOD

He confirmed that Sonakshi Sinha should consider as heroine instead of hero

Ending the all speculations for last few days after releasing the promos of song 'Dhadhang Dhang', Prabhu Deva confirmed that the movie is meant for heterosexuals and there is actually no gay or transgender content in the movie.

Prabhu Deva, director of Rowdy Rathore said "Though Sonakshi Sinha look like another hero of the movie, she is performing the task of the heroine only. The movie is not for the eyes of gay and transgender community in India. It is 100% heterosexual."

Sources said that Akshay Kumar was injured by thrice when the song Dhadhang Dhang was picturised and took almost a month to complete.  The song had few stunts like Sonakshi was pushing Akshay and lifting him which made few serious injuries to the sturdy actor. However, Prabhu Deva said that those were speculations.

Following is the leaked Picture of Rowdy Rathore song on the sets in which Akshay Kumar seriously injured after Sonakshi Sinha pushed her


Objections were raised after he released the promos of song Dhadhang Dhang, which shows Sonakshi Sinha looks double the Akshay Kumar's size, increasing the speculations that who was Rowdy Rathore, or whether the movie is to attract gay community by showing the love between to actors.

Many Indian critics raised doubts about gay nature of Sonakshi Sinha recently, after she refused to wear bikinis in her films and avoided any kind of steamy scenes. However, sources said that all bikini makers have refused to sell their bikinis to Sonakshi due to her size doesn't matches regular bikini wear size in India.
Chairman of Lovable Lingerie, a popular branded lingerie maker in India, Vinay Reddy said "We actually refused to offer any kind of bikini to Sonakshi as we don't have enough of equipments and technology to produce baby elephant size bikinis."

However, personal assistant of Sonakshi Sinha said "She is totally 100% Indian and therefore don't want to wear bikinis. What is so strange about that?"
Prabhu Deva told India Satire Correspondent "We avoided any stunts like Akshay Kumar lifting Sonakshi Sinha, as we thought his thin posture of the body would not take the control."

However, he refused to comment that the designer clothes which wear by Sonakshi was made out of Circus Tamboos.


India Satire tried to reach to Sonakshi Sinha, however, she was not available for comment.




Top Stories of the day: Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Sonakshi Sinha, Prabhu Deva, Akshay Kumar, Sohail Khan, Shahrukh Khan, Mamata Banerjee, Digvijay Singh

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


TOP STORIES OF THE DAY

Fuc*ingly Idiotic still worthy to read

India Satire introduces top stories of the day article. These will involve today's stories from Google News and the utter nonsense unreal stories by India Satire.

Top Headlines

Aishwarya Rai-Bachchan to auction her clothes she wore when she was fat aunty, said sources.

Sources also confirmed that Sonakshi Sinha plans to bid for those clothes of Aishwarya.

Rowdy Rathore director Prabhu Deva told media that Akshay Kumar will be the only hero in the movie while Sonakshi Sinha is actually heroine, shutting the controversy created that there are two heroes in the movie one was Akshay Kumar and the other one was Sonakshi Sinha

Prabhu Deva confirmed that he used double of Sonakshi Sinha at the time when the scene of Akshay Kumar lifting Sonakshi. He told media that when Akshay tried to lift her for the first time, his bones in legs and back broken down. It was the worst kind of injury to Akshay Kumar.

Prabhu Deva told that Sonakshi Sinha's dresses were made of Circus Tamboos.

He declined to comment when asked whether Sonakshi was actually 2 Akshay Kumar or 4 Prabhu Deva.

Sonakshi Sinha told reporters that she is gradually putting down her weight and no plans to work with Sohail Khan in the next movie.

Bikini makers said that not Sonakshi but they themselves have banned Sonakshi Sinha wearing bikinis as no bikini fits her size.

Shahrukh Khan forgot to clean his hands before eating food, after he showed shoe to Pune public. Many bollywood celebrities expressed their views saying its really disgusting for King Khan. He should wash his hands with Dettol soap.

Satire by Mamata Banerjee - Targeting her Marxist opponents again, West Bengal chief minister Mamata Banerjee alleged that CPI-M was plotting with Maoists to kill her with the help of Pakistan's ISI and financed by North Korea, Venezuela and Hungary.

All the countries maintained above stated that they would not like to touch an explosive danger than nuclear bomb and named few other countries like Cango, Libya, Sudan, Ethiopia, Russia, and 52 more countries which are doing such conspiring.

Vijay Mallya plans to sell Kingfisher Airlines with a discount offer on Siddhartha Mallya

Digvijay Singh said that politicians of his age should retire. He also confirmed that he would contest next elections in Madhya Pradesh.





Satirist found laughing after reading his own satire

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


BRIEF NEWS - OTHERS

Development is seen as a major blow to India's upcoming satire industry

A Mumbai based Satirist, Vivek Singh (name changed) unexpectedly found smiling and laughing after reading his own satire, which shocked many other satirists in India.

"It's strange as a satirist never laughs reading his satire. It looks so foolish. How can somebody laugh on his own joke?" asked Kisan Pawar (name changed) author of one popular satire in India.

Generally, satirists which never disclose their identity besides the commercial reasons are considered as serious people in their real life. Therefore, any satirist who is laughing on his own satire can be a really shocking development.

Feku Singh, who is tracking this industry since its inception in India said "I haven't heard any satirist laughed on the satire he own wrote. Even it was rare that he used to smile on the satires which others write. He must be some idiot who laughs on his own satire. It seems so idiotic."

He gave an example "If somebody tells a joke to a group of his friends, then it is his responsibility that he should not laugh otherwise that joke becomes boring statement. The satirists have to maintain that decorum to make others laugh. Also there are secretive reasons which include hiding the identity to general public makes them serious in public life."

Few others have different insights. Chunkey Pandey, who heads the Satirists Association for Development of India (SAD) said "Generally, it observed that 80% satirists are sadists in nature. They are so much squeezed by politicians, hypocrite personalities, their relatives and office mates, which makes them to tell the stories in a funny way."


India's telecom minister, Kapil Sibal who also regulates the laws of Satire industry in India said "I heard about such development. It can be a serious blow for the industry as this indicates that the satire profession is changing its hands to a very general and boring public which laugh on themselves. These kinds of idiot satirists should learn from us. We make serious faces so that people can laugh and reduce their stress."





CPM termed Sensex as saddist and asked government to ban it

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


BRIEF NEWS - POLITICS AND BUSINESS

CPM couldn't digest the upmove of Sensex after petrol price hike despite whole nation is protesting

Communist Party of India (Marxist) leader Sitaram Yechury termed Sensex as Sadist Index instead of Sensitive Index, after it rose sharply on Thursday on account of petrol price hike and anticipated price hike in diesel, LPG and Kerosene.

"WTF, ban this idiotic capital markets. Ban BSE and ban NSE. In spite of all India protests arranged by CPM, the markets are up today showing the happiness on the sad day is called sadist nature and therefore we ask the government to ban it. We shall carry a nationwide protest if the government doesn't change its name to Sadex and ban it forever. We shall trade in bonds," said Sitaram Yechury.

According to sources, Yechury lost a huge chunk in the markets after he made a short-selling believing his theory that if CPM is unhappy, capital markets would also be unhappy.

However, Yechuri denied that he wasn't interested in making benefits out of short-selling as he is not that dumb to sell the money in the markets when they are rising.

Prakash Karat, a senior party leader told India Satire correspondent "I don't think there was any relation of petrol price hike with equity markets. This is totally a conspiracy of idiot capitalists and I ask Sebi to do a detail investigation through Agent Vinod."

Sitaram Yechury, who believes in the recommendations of SP Tulsian was unaware of his recommendations today, as CNBC TV 18 carried past episode in which Tulsian recommended same stocks with same price levels.


India Satire correspondent couldn't receive any response from the government while Agent Vinod told him to get lost for making his life hell. Sebi is expected to give its reply next year.





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