India Satire New Changes: November 2011

IIPM to offer Bentley to its international students in its Global plans

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 30 November 2011 | Posted in

Most intelligent and handsome noted (?) economist, management guru, strategist, philosopher, psychologist, spiritual guru, business leader, political analyst, eminent author, authoritative speaker, transformational leader and many more (few of them are English, rest are Latin, Italian and different planetary words) Mr. Arindam Chaudhuri decided to expand IIPM's global reach.

"IIPM is now tired of serving India. It wants to move globally," Arindam Chaudhuri said in enchanting words. "Crores of international students approach me everyday asking when I will start IIPM for the betterment of international students. They are fed up of age old and hopeless curriculum in MIT, Harvard, Stanford, Cambridge and Oxford. Therefore, I decided to cover the international markets as well, taking IIPM across the world," he added.

In its global plans, IIPM decided to change its name as GIPM. "Yea brand identity matters, now when we are truly global why not change the name as well. Our tagline for GIPM will be 'Dare to think beyond IIPMs'," Arindam elaborated.

"GIPM also offers some exclusive programmes for its international students," Arindam informed DCFC reporter. He said "In line with our most successful programme, GOTA (Global Opportunities and Threat Analysis programme) in India we also plan to start programmes which include a FREE STUDY TOUR TO INDIA, SRILANKA, BANGLADESH, etc. for 2 weeks inclusive of Industry visits for all students under GIPM's Indian Opportunities and Threat Analysis programme (IOTA)."

All GIPM students spend 2 to 3 weeks (Free of cost, which is very important) in various parts of India and other developing countries doing their academic and corporate training under a special paper called Indian Opportunities & Threat Analysis (IOTA) thanks to GIPM's India Outreach initiative which organizes numerous exchange programmes in typical tradition of World-Class B-schools.

"This initiative is a part of our bigger strategy to improve standard of livings of global youth which has become very lethargic and lazy resulting into a slowdown in US and Europe," Arindam Chacha (oops what did I write) explained the strategy.

GIPM's strategy will be to come on the first rank in the first year itself on the print media like Financial Times and Business Week. "We are tying up for that purpose. Almost all the requirements have fulfilled only a green signal from the best international magazines is yet to come that they will feature us best Business School in the world," a senior faculty of IIPM said requesting anonymity. He added "The article will feature as 'Dare to think beyond MITs'."

The institution will change its strategy towards global students and will distribute Bentley cars for free instead of laptop. "It looks really very stupid and middle class in distributing lap tops. We are offering Bentley car to our students," Director of IIPM said DCFC reporter, however, he didn't disclose the fees for international students.

When DCFC reporter asked him that this will dilute the brand of Bentley, as Arindam already uses blue Bentley. Director said "Arindam will switch to blue Bugatti Veyron Super Sports while Bentley will be offered to global students. Our tag line will be 'Dare to think beyond middle class laptops'." He also informed that Arindam's Bentley will be auctioned as Heritage Car and the money will go to World Charity Fund. "When Arindam Sir bought Bentley, it automatically became the Certified World Heritage Car," Director told DCFC reporter.

However, IIPMs global plans are not on the smooth roads. Many Indian students Associations, including IIPM students opposed to IIPM's 'go global' strategies.

"We are against IIPM to go global," said B. Ramnathan, alumni of IIPM. "IIPM is India's wealth, how can it make global students extraordinarily intelligent," he added.

Akhil Bharatiya Vidyarthi Parishad's Vice President Vikas Chaudhary said "Arindam Chaudhary has no right to make global students more educated, intelligent and creative than Indians. We condemn this act and will start protesting against IIPMs."

However, Arindam had different view. He said "This is totally a narrow-minded attitude. I am borne to educate world. This kind of protest march can't stop me from going global and educating poor international students, which are dearth of knowledge and intelligence."

Fake News

NOT AT ALL FUNNY: Is government trying to stop anti-corruption movement? Why everybody is silent, is something cooking?

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 29 November 2011 | Posted in

Government has released a draft report on the Lokpal bill, which has been circulated to members and would come up for finalisation on November 30, favours Lokpal's jurisdiction over corporates, media and NGOs in so far as receipt of donations from public within the country or from foreign sources.

However, the draft document has not taken a position on inclusion of Prime Minister in the ambit of Lokpal. The issue will be considered in the Wednesday meeting.

The government also turned down its own words that lower bureaucracy, i.e., C and D staff will come under the purview of the Lokpal Bill. The draft opined that 'sense of house' does not bind the committee to provide for citizen charter mechanism or lower bureaucracy within the Lokpal bill. However, it provided for creation of lokayuktas in states through the same bill.

The committee was also against inclusion of citizen charter and grievance redressal mechanism in the Lokpal Bill as, according to them, 'sense of house' never bound them to provide for the features in the Lokpal bill.

The committee has advocated bringing in NGOs, corporates and media — subject to riders — under the Lokpal's ambit.

It also recommended for an equilibrium between the trinity of Lokpal, the CBI and the CVC rather than merging the CBI and the CVC with the Lokpal —a key demand of Anna's team.

Anna Hazare's reaction to the draft was quite obvious and he threatened (is it a right word when the government straight away betrayed him?) to go for fast.

Shockingly, media kept this news out of its top headlines, particularly print media. Anna Hazare's call for fast is shown on Times of India's Delhi supplement and not on the top page of the website. The Economic Times which tracked Lokpal Bill regularly in its Political Theater ignored this news completely. Hindustan Times which always portrayed Anna Hazare as anti nationalist also ignored this news. How can print media be so biased in a democratic nation such as India? Strangely, Congress senior leaders have also kept quite after Anna Hazare's call for fast.

Diggy Chacha, who likes to talk a lot is silent, no other Congress leader is talking on Anna Hazare's call. Is it because the government wants to finish this movement completely? What the h..l Rahul Baba wants to show by empowering youth in a corrupt country like India? Why doesn't he try to empower whole India? The way he gave speech in last session of Parliament (these days he has more important work than attending Parliamentary session) was totally a stuff of immatureness or no understanding of the subject. Why does government try to test patience of Indian people?

There is news that Sonia Auntijee is trying hard to push the Lokpal Bill (government draft) with opposition leaders. We don't know what will be opposition parties reactions. But we know one thing with this kind of draft, opposition leaders which are always enthusiast in stopping the parliamentary session will also try to move this bill to next session and next sessions as like they did with FDI in retail. So don't be surprised and shocked to see a big circus in next few days and Lokpal Bill will be waiting and waiting.

After releasing from jail, A Raja plans to make sequel of Appu Raja

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 28 November 2011 | Posted in

It was unusual morning for the most handsome South Indian politician with most eligible to become Tamil Hero A Raja in Tihar Jail. "Aappa, Aaye really feel loud and proud. Hats off! Indian judiciary, phynally, I am outta." A Raja muttered.

Raja moved from his cell to here and there hold one constable and took a cigarette from his pocket, when constable denied giving him he said "Oye rascalla, I amm Rajja.. and now outta Tihar jailla to become ministeraa again... I willa throw you outta from your joba... do you know the mobile you carry now is becausa me.." Constable shut his mouth and let him take the cigarette.

"Nou I am philling happpy. I pheenished cigaretta as wella. But whom do I share my happiness. Oh! I willa meet Suresh Bhaai who is justa next to my cell. I will shyare my happiness with heem..." Raja murmured.

"Oh! Suresh Bhaai hou are you?" Raja asked Suresh Kalmadi. "Fine!" Suresh Bhaai said giving a plastic smile. Suresh Bhaai murmured "Go to hell! I read the news paper in the morning and know that you are finally released."

"It is pheeling nissaa! After 10 months, I am gatting release nou. Better days with you. Kani will also be released, pheeling greata," Raja said. "Ok Fine! Great for you," Suresh Bhaai gave irritating looks and ignored him. "No Suresh Bhaai! I am pheeling reaally bad for you. You are in jail for a small amount you withdrew from CWG while my amountt was so big. This ise not justified. I willa file complaintt against CAG, don't worry and willa fight for you," Raja gave some true words of dignity.

"No thanks! mind your own business and get lost from here," furious Suresh Bhaai said.

"Whott kind of peeple are these? They don'tt like happiness of other peepple." Raja thought. "But I am pheeling happy for me," he told himself.

After releasing from the jail, DCFC reporter was first to catch Raja. The handsome and innocent (in Diggy Chacha's words) said "Rascalla! first lett me take the real smell of outside mud. I gott bored with Tihar Jail. Firstt lett me take to some Udupi Hotel and have ideeli sambaar..."

DCFC reporter followed great Raja and made a big search for Udupi Hotel in Delhi. "I missed ideeli in Tihar Jail," Raja said putting entire idli in his mouth at a time. Raja was sitting in an udupi hotel with 10 plates of idli.

DCFC reporter asked him how do you feel now outside Tihar jail. "Pheeling happy. But my friend Suresh Bhaai is steel inside the jail," Raja said. "I promised him I will file a PIL against CAG who also caused inserting me into jail," Raja added.

Oh so what was his reaction, DCFC reporter asked him.

"He was very emotionalla and started cryingg. Oh Raja! don't leave me in this jail we shall both live happily everafter here," Raja explained situation. "But I said, Suresh Bhaai let me go outside thissa time and I willa phightta againsta corrupta CAG. I willa use Annaji's supporta and will fighta for poora and innocenta peeple like you...And Suresh Bhaai realised that I shoulda go and fight for society's benefitta. He said to me go Raja go... you are born to do bigger thingsa.. and face bigger challengesaa.. go Raja go..." Raja said.

Oh so what do you plan to do against CAG, DCFC reporter asked Raja.

"Oh firsta, I will phile a complainta against CAG. Sibbal Bhaai will fighta from my side. Then I willa directa sequel of Appu Rajja... to show how did someboddy else made monney from 2G and I was held for nothing," Raja said.

DCFC reporter astonished and asked what someboddy else. It was you a telecom minister who made money.

"No innaa whotta are you talking. It wassa Chiddu who was chottu Appu who madda monney and I wassa innocenta. I wanted to tell voll wolda... that it wassa Appu and not Rajja... Chiddu Appa wore my mosk andda took the decisions," Raja explained.

So who will act in the movie, DCFC reporter. "Whatta! I am the most handsome Tamilianna and dreaming to make debut in Tollywoodda... I will take up the challenga to work as Appu and Rajja," Raja said while putting the final 22nd idli in his mouth.

Diggy Chacha observes slappy nights after Sharad Pawar Slapgate incidence

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 24 November 2011 | Posted in

Recently, after becoming the reason for nightmares of Smriti Irani, the most intelligent scientist in the universe, Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) is observing sleepless nights.

"Yes, thats true! Diggyji is under immense stress and Doctor diagnosed insomnia," said Diggy Chacha's close supporter.

Diggy Chacha whose eyes were swollen because of sleepless night, yesterday said "Whole night I was slapped by the serial slapper, Harvinder Singh. Whenever he slapped on my right cheek, Annaji asked him Why only one slap?... be pure Gandhian and slap on other cheek as well. Whole night this guy was slapping me, first on one cheek and then Annaji used to force him to slap me on other cheek as well. It was so painful, see my cheeks are swolen.... (Diggy Chacha showed his eyes instead of his cheeks). I told Annaji, that it is fine if I would be kissed by Serial Kisser Emran Hashmi but please don't let Harvinder slapped me."

Observing the intensity of the situation, Diggy Chacha's supporter took the DCFC reporter away from him. "Please don't pressurise him, he had slappy night..."

When asked what made Diggy Chacha so affraid of the situation. The supporter said "See the movement is started with ordinary and hopeless political leaders like Janardhan Dwivedi and moved to esteem politicians like Sharad Pawar. Diggy Chacha is a great leader and unscathed of such inhumane act (he is virgin of being not slapped before). On the other side, Annaji's statements like just one slap, added to his fear."

When asked the supporter why does Diggy Chacha need to be affraid, as he would not have slapped till date. Plus, he is most ignored politician. Neither, Congress politician listens to him nor common man. He said "Who told you he is most ignored in political arena? See many Congress gentlemen want his esteemed place of bu.lsh..ting. Please don't quote me but likes of Manish Tiwari, Kapil Sibal, Rashid Alvi who are famous for making b...sh.t comments want Diggyji to be slapped or throw some shoes. These people also can give the serial slapper a contract to hit him hard on his face. Diggy Chacha asked Chidduji to give him best of the securities to save his face from Harvinder Singh."

One source from Congress Party said "Chidduji is not eager to give him any kind of security, as Diggyji used his weapon of b..lsh.tt.ng on Chidduji only. Chidduji told me that let Diggy face anger of public and observe how much painful was that (Chiddu uncle had to go through that anger, once)."

When asked Sharad Uncle, how he feels after being slapped and does Diggy Chacha really need to be worried. Sharad Uncle said "My message to all young leaders like Diggy, Rahul Baba, Manish Tiwari, Janardhan Dwivedi is, politicians should be used to these kinds of incidences and if they were slapped on one cheek their age supports them to provide other one for being slapped."

Convert Arthur Road Jail into Kasabji's Museum - Diggy Chacha

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 22 November 2011 | Posted in

Expressing his satisfaction over budget allocated on Pakistani gunman Ajmal Amir Kasab, our beloved Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) said "We have extremely proud guest residing in Arthur Road Jail. I endorse an idea to convert Arthur Road Jail into Kasabji Museum to attract tourists from all over the world." He also added that Foreign exchange earnings from this museum will help us to support falling rupee against dollar.

"I think nobody is secured in this world in any place. Even innocent Osamaji was killed in Pakistan by America. However, Obama can't dare enter in India making this as most peaceful and safest land in the world. It is great pleasure for India that Kasabji chose it as his place to take a rest. Alas! Osamaji chose us," said Diggy Chacha.

When asked about the security alloted to Kasab, he said "he is very happy that Congress government gave all the privilege facilities to Kasab Sir and spent just Rs16Cr." However, sources said that a whopping Rs 48.75 crore has been expended on the jailed Pakistani terrorist who is the main accused in the deadly terror attack on Mumbai on November 26, 2008.

Chacha further added that he recently visited Kasab's cell and he found the security is up to the mark, however, the security guards which were facing challenge to tackle the rising inflation made him cry. "I ask Pranabda to raise the budget allocation at least by 20% so that problems on security guards will ease. In private, they also told me that they are big fans of Rahul Baba."

When DCFC reporter asked Diggy Chacha that how did the idea of making jail as museum struck to his brain. He blushed and said "You know, I am the most intelligent man in this universe. It is real pleasure that a great person like Kasabji is staying in India but still ignored. The world knows how much India loves peace and Kasabji's example show the world that India is safest place on the earth for anybody. Even Gaddafi uncle was not secure in his home country. But in India everybody is secure. My idea is that the western world which always thrives to see the peace across the globe will definitely bring huge amount of foreign exchange earnings."

Finally, Diggy Chacha also urged DCFC reporter not to change his wordings and make chaos across the universe.

Fake News

Nivea asks India's most intelligent management guru to endorse its tanning lotion

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 16 November 2011 | Posted in

"I wanted to look darker since my childhood, but I could not find any ways to become darker. Thanks to my aunty who recommended me to use Nivea sunkissed lotion which helped me to convert my white skin into dark. Now I am quite impressed and satisfied. Now I can move everywhere with my glowing black skin, thanks to Nivea and thanks to Arindam," said Jessica Lamps an Aussie model to Aussie Home Shopping Network.

"Many people were watching me showing their jealousy. I was always feeling insecure and guilty for having black skin. But it was not my fault that my birth was in Caribbean islands. Thanks Nivea sunkissed lotion and Arindam to show them best way to become tan and darker," said famous singer Rihanna.

"Even my endorsement of this Nivea's product couldn't get the popularity as much as Arindam's endorsement gave. Actually, Nivea couldn't convince people that I was white earlier and transformed into black," Rihanna said. "But Arindam was a real hero, his images on Nivea sun tan lotion really pulled the consumer attention," she added.

All the TV channels of Australia were showing mindboggling results of rising popularity of Nivea's self tanning lotion, Nivea Sunkissed Lotion.

"This is the perfect product for poor people like us who were cursed by nature to be having white skin," said in a choked voice Jacky Pain.

But what did drive the product to such fabulous popularity in the western world?

"Earlier, the product was not reachable to masses as the message was not perfect plus advertisement was not catchy. But, after we made Arindam our brand ambassador we can't match the demand from the consumers," said Thomas-B.Quass CEO of Beiersdorf AG, Nivea's parent company.

When DCFC reporter asked, how did he identify such a wonderful brand ambassador for his products? Thomas said "Sometime back when I was travelling through Indian roads, I saw a wonderful book on a roadside book stall "Count your chicken before they hatch". I read the entire book it really transformed me into a great and powerful person. The book had a handsome white skin guy called Arindam Chaudhuri. When I searched for more details about him on the internet, to my amazement I saw a beautiful black guy. I immediately called him and fixed an appointment, he also humbly gave me appointment at first instance. When I meet him I like his charming personality and charisma and immediately signed him to endorse our self-tanning products in the western world."

God of the economists and management guru's, the great Arindam Chaudhuri (Arindam uncle) said "It was a great pleasure working with Thomas. I thought of doing some social work for western people by disclosing the secrets of my tanning from white to fair skin." In his brand endorsement, Arindam uncle said that earlier he had complexion like lime but when he used Nivea sunkiss lotion he became fairer.

A spokesperson at IIPM said "This brand endorsement is good for IIPM's global plans. Sir Arindam had pulled crowds from all over India by producing movies. His movies were so much successful that out of 100 students 80 students said that they referred IIPM through Sir Arindam's movies."

Fake News

Taking inspiration from Diggy Chacha's feeds, Twitter plans to start Feeder

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 10 November 2011 | Posted in

Twitter CEO Dick Costolo's happiness is in seventh heaven these days. Reason is not that Twitter subscribers are growing and sending millions of tweets. It is rather personal pride than professional gains. "Since Digvijoy Shinghji (Diggy) joined Twitter the quality of tweets improved thousand times. He is very talented and his critical appraisal of a situation is the best I have seen ever," said Dick Costolo who also feels pride of the resemblance in the names of Dicky and Diggy, the most intelligent person in the universe. DCFC has earlier covered Dick's love and affection towards Diggy Chacha in the article.

DCFC reporter was talking with Dick in an exclusive interview. He said "Tweet is not correct word for Diggyji's statements and therefore Twitter plans to start Feeder to give him and politicians who somewhat resembles his nature to feed."

"Yes instead of Tweets, it will be called as Feeds. This will open a new platform for Diggyji to make statements," Dick said.

When DCFC reporter asked Dick why this revamp of business. Dick was opened to reveal the secret. He said "Diggyji is high calibre person and requires special treatment. His words are nuclear bombs which always are bang on target. It will be disrespectful for him to call them tweets. Tweets look like romantic words of a blonde or brunette and reduce the intensity of Diggyji's words. Therefore, we thought to call them feeds. We know Diggyji likes to feed media and newspapers everyday, which is astonishing and something wonderful. Therefore, this is a lovely tribute to him."

But why Feeder? Why does Twitter need a new platform? Dick said "Diggyji's feeds continuously raising his popularity. His followers number do not justify the number people visited to see his feeds. There are millions of subscribers who track his feeds and at a time visit Twitter creating a tremendous amount of pressure on the servers. Therefore, most of the time servers of Twitter are down. Plus we thought that bullshitting is the new mantra of the world and many politicians want to learn how to make nonsense and stupid statements. Feeder will create a platform such politicians in the world. Diggyji will guide them in making such statements through Feeder."

What will be the brand identity for Feeder? Dick was clear in this case. "From first day onwards when I took this initiative I thought of making a beautiful "Crow" as Feeder's brand identity. I also discussed with Diggyji who seems to be happy."

DCFC contacted Congress Headquarters for the reaction to Twitter's development. However, the call was unanswered.

One supporter of Diggy Chacha without disclosing his identity said "Feeder will be a great initiative. Crow is a great symbol of spreading words. We are happy that Twitter identified the great calibre in Diggyji."

Sugar cane price hike will reduce cost of statues by Rs2500Cr: Behenji Mayawati

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 9 November 2011 | Posted in

Thrashing all the allegations about poll politics on cane price rise issue, Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister and BSP Supremo Mayawati (Behenji) said "I was feeling like having some diet as my weight is increasing day by day". She said "It was also a suggestion of Uttar Pardes statue strategist Shree Bipin Misra. He told me if I lose 5 kg weight the cost of raw materials of statues will reduce dramatically. After weight loss, every statue will save Rs5Cr and therefore every year it will save Rs500Cr. We have a 5 year plan to reduce cost by Rs2500Cr. This amount will be utilised for investing in sandal making factory, a boost to Pardes' leather industry. The entire process will come under Slim-Trim Statue Scheme (SSS)."

Sources said that out of no work Behenji saw huge gain in her weight. "Her weight is doubled after she became UP's chief minister first time and is famous as "Baby Elephant" in the political circles," said closed associate with Behenji with request of anonymity. "After reducing her weight, statue makers will reduce weight of elephant accordingly," he said.

"It is purely a law of economics as price increases demand decreases. It is good to see that Behenji is adopting the same principal in her life as well. I welcome this positive change of adopting SSS and I believe UP will progress, going forward," said Dr. Shankar Acharya, a well known economist.

India's most popular and most handsome (ponytail attached) economist, creative Surgeon Arindam Chaudhuri said "Dare to think beyond politics and make statues and dare to think beyond statues and make temples. Mayawati is actually a cream of politics and what she does is not categorised into conventional political system of India. I like people who think differently. She is actually a role model for many young people who will become Steve Jobs in a near future."

When asked if he has any plan to set up his own statues in all the IIPM colleges taking inspiration from Behenji. Arindamji blushed and said "What can I say? I don't like popularity but actually IIPM's working panel has decided to set up my statues with a pose of lecturer in all the colleges with proper focus on my ponytail (a symbol of intelligence)."

He said "I am planning to introduce a course called Masters in Statue Planning and Management. We are in talks with Behenji to become the brand ambassador of our course. We also plan to give a laptop with unique and unknown Mayawati wallpapers and screensavers to joining students."

However, political circle was hot after Behenji's announcement. "It was a vote bank politics. Behenji wants to lure farmer lobby while ignoring statue maker community. It is straight away a loss of Rs2500Cr to the community," said a senior BJP leader.

"I really respect statue maker community which is trapped by terror brain Mayawati. I asked all the statue makers to join Congress and we shall give you better prospects as Congress has many leaders whom they can set up statues and we commit them that they will be paid best."

Behenji thrashed all the allegations and said "This is a conspiracy against a dalit ki beti who wants Uttar Pardes to progress. I am saving Rs2500Cr straight away which will be utilised to provide employment to chamhar community."

D-Factor came to my dreams: Smriti Irani

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 3 November 2011 | Posted in

It was a stark dark, one girl was sleeping on her bed in a relaxed posture with back side in front of me. Her age must not be more than 20 years and she must be most beautiful in the world. The house was quite it didn't creak. It didn't settle at night, didn't moan and shudder like other houses. Alone, in the cloying darkness of late winter evenings there would be couples, families, shut-ins and burglars all suffering the audible rebellions of Diwali firecrackers, pipes and walls and beams and roof slats. This girl suffered nothing.

Night fell outside wrapping the street in gloom, but inside the cave she was safe and warm. The light changed but only from the glow of an invisible sun to the crystal shine from the lake which cast the walls in an undulating pattern of emerald, sapphire and diamond. The fox was bathing in the lake and crying in rythemic tone. ooooooooohhhhhh. The girl watched it swim, hypnotized by its stripes. In her dream the fox had been a little more tactile, like an enormous pet. This fox seemed to be a little too self-serving and she wasn't sure she wanted to keep it.

Outside there was the sound of laughter. It didn't sound very happy. The girl leaned back on the sofa and flicked through the channels on the TV. Reality show. Flick. Cookery program. Flick. Quiz show. Seen it before. Flick. What's the point? and finally she settled herself at Kyoki Saas bhi Kabhi Bahu thi.... "Oh this is the best serial I have seen and I like to see many more times. Smriti Irani is most beautiful girl in this world," the girl muttered.

The fox emerged from the lake and shook itself off. It padded over to the girl's sofa and lay on the floor at her feet. She reached down to stroke it but before his hand touched its damp fur she heard a gentle snoring and thought better of it. She didn't know much about foxes but she considered that even a tame one would not appreciate being woken up.

A noise outside startled her and she went to the window. Her window was a carved hole in the rock wall and provided a view of whatever she wanted. Until the noise there had been a vast plain that she had imagined was the surface of Jupiter. I still could not see her face but it must be very beautiful. The gases swirled and danced into the distance, hypnotizing her whenever she stared out. Among those gasses was the noise of the world outside. Now there was nothing but the cold, grey view of a suburban street.

One old man was walking on the street slowly coming to her house with a sharp knife in his hand. Due to stark darkness she could not identify the guy. But the guy was at least 4 times aged than her, she realized. However, the way he was walking was not normal and looked quite disturbing and fearful. Steadily he came on the lawns of the house. Voice was Tap tap tap tap... The girl saw near her sofa, fox was having a deep sleep. She realized that the old man came near to the lobby of her house walking towards the doors.

From window, she heard banging, hard and insistent like a devil was hammering on a door. It shook the house around her and made her scream for it to stop. She ran to the sofa and hugged his knees, rocking back and forth, trying to banish the violence and the noise. It didn't work. She ran up the stairs hoping to make it to the bedroom before anything bad could happen. Tears were streaming down her face when she reached the top of the stairs. She froze, her breath caught in her throat. The door at the end of the hall. The locked door. It was bulging. Where that morning there had been solid wood there was now an almost liquid form, rippling and breathing. It creaked like wood under pressure. She approached slowly, wanting nothing more than to dive into her bedroom and lock the door, but she was too scared. Handprints appeared in the door, like someone was pushing from the other side.

She screamed and ran back down the stairs where her innocent fox was waiting for her. When the fox saw her, his face changed dramatically and anger was flowed down on his face. The girl frightened and couldn't understand what she could do. And suddenly the door broke out. Oh... the old man entered the house from the back side the guy looked like demon.

That old man was laughing furiously "Ha ha ha ha ha.... again ha ha ha ha ha...." I could see him from the backside. Even I could not watch that beautiful teenager girl. Oh the old man started talking and the things started revealing. I could see the face of that beautiful girl. Oh to my amazement that was me. Oh no... how could I see myself was that a mirror? I could not understand. The old man started talking "Ha ha ha ha.... Smriti Irani, you RSS agent now where will you go? You represent the terrorist organization. Ha ha ha haa... now nobody can save you from me... and suddenly I could see that person's face... Oh it was a real demon... daanav... Arey... he was Diggy chhe..."

And suddenly, I woke up with a great fear in my heart. My heart was burning... it was beating like Maruti car's engine. I was sweating all through my body. Oh but the questions remained.... what happened to that beautiful girl? What did devil Diggy do her? Is she fine? Oh no! so many questions.

Tomorrow morning, interacting with media persons on the sidelines of Chhath Puja celebrations in Surat, Smriti Irani called Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) a demon. She said "D for Diggy and D for Daanav (demon)".

Fake News

Rahul Baba in a new avatar of angry young man

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 2 November 2011 | Posted in

Inspired by real action hero and India's first angry young man, Amitabh Bachchan (Amitji), India's Amul Baby and future Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi (Rahul Baba) said "I become angry when I come to UP... haaainnnn (Reason is not that he has to come to UP instead of going to US)."

"The pathetic conditions in Uttar Pradesh always make me angry," he told a gathering in Bhadohi, the home of UP's carpet industry, where he drove around as part of his two-day unscheduled (as usual) tour.

One UP Congress worker with requesting anonymity said "I don't understand why does Rahul Baba's visits are planned unscheduled. This creates real problem of arranging basic and necessity nasty Italian food like Pizza and Burgers.

Finally he has to go to some villager's house have to eat inexpensive food. Recently, the Party has spent huge amount to doctors to remove his digestion problem. Even, we had to arrange that forgetful and notorious padyatra for him."

One of the closed associates to Rahul Baba said "Diggy Chacha planned a total makeover for Rahul Baba. He was very angry over comments from people that Rahul Baba looks dumb and not intelligent. Therefore, he said Rahul Baba to watch Amitabh's movies a lot of times adopt his cool and witty looks, a sarcastic smile and a lot of anger and passion in the eyes along with reading some books on general knowledge."

While he usually avoids any interaction with the media, Rahul Baba shocked the reporters in Bhadohi by expressing his anguish over what he termed as the "pathetic conditions prevailing in the state."

"Every time I come to UP, I get angry because nothing seems to move here. No buffalo, no bullock and no dog. Everybody seems to be sleepy. People do not get what is due to them and the state government remains indifferent to the needs of the people. I would like to ask Maya aunty that at least now she leave UP," he said.

When DCFC Reporter asked about a sudden change in his stand and looks, he gave a mischievous smile and said "Haiyennnn, it is my new avatar. I am fed up of being called as Amul Baby. This is my natural way of life. I am naturally angry young man. Haiyennnn... Now onwards I would like to be called as Rahul Rajiv Gandhi (as like Vijay Dinananth Chouhan) aiyennnn."

One senseless opposition leader mischievously said "Rahul Baba should also visit Maharashtra and show some anger as vehicle traffic moves slower than bullock carts in UP."

Behenji Mayawatiji said "This is real conspiracy against me. They don't like to see a dalit lady is leading from the front. I totally condemn Rahul Baba's words. He also said aunty to me which is again a conspiracy against me and dalit community."