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Breaking News: IranAir to bail out Kingfisher Airlines

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 21 February 2012 | Posted in


King of good times to stream line supply of liquor to Iran

Two kings which are facing sanctions for different sins have now joined their hands. IranAir, the national carrier of Iran plans to invest in Kingfisher Airlines, India's multi-colour aviation company.

"It was Almighty God's order to us to help janasheer, mausam-e-gulistan and gul-e-gulshan Kingfisher to revive itself," said Farhad Parvaresh, CEO of IranAir.

Kingfisher Head, Vijay Mallya also confirmed the development. He said "Yea that's correct. I am thankful of IranAir for providing us cheap fuel in exchange with our cheep bear and wine. I would take analyst and investor-meet for the announcement and a detailed 125-slide presentation."

Siddharth Mallya who was in a serious mental trauma and avoiding high-class parties on account of Kingfisher Airlines failure as like few actors, Zaid and Fardeen Khan for not to become the talk of mockery was very happy with the development.

He said “I asked Papa to give me the chance for giving presentation.”

Market Experts also appreciated steps from both the parties.

"This is a win-win situation for both the parties. While developed world every-now and then threatens to visit Iran for search of atomic blasts, Income Tax Office of India put menaces on Kingfisher’s head to pay taxes. This partnership can be a major break-through for both in terms of survival," said Adil Zainulbhai, Country Head Mckinsey & Co.

After this development came to public, Iran put sanctions over few European countries for selling the crude oil.
“Iran Air will not send its Jets to these countries and whatever fuel will be saved will send to Kingfisher Airlines at a heavy discount rates,” said Farhad Parvaresh.

Both the companies joined hands on the conditions that IranAir will supply its unutilized oil on account of flight cancellations from developed world while Kingfisher will incessantly supply branded liquor. IranAir top management will also get an opportunity to travel from Kingfisher Air and will be allowed a deep interaction with super-hot Kingfisher Airhostesses. Kingfisher employees will get 4 Nights and 5 Days free holiday package every year in Iran.

"Subhaan-Allah, I recently travelled through Kingfisher flight and motherly feeling that I received from Kingfisher Airhostesses was mind-boggling. I really felt like I am at home," said Farhad Parvaresh.

Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad himself enquired about the development and was very happy about it. He told that he is eager to interact with Kingfisher's hot crew and taste a range of Kingfisher wines and beers.

"IranAir's website sucks! I am searching for the news but the website is not at all showing it. Finally, I called 
Parvaresh and he confirmed and I am really happy. This way our relationship with India will improve," said Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

India's political circle also welcomed the development. Chacha Digvijay (Diggy Chacha) said "We are very happy that our Indian private Corporate also showed its hands for the benefits of minorities. In the fifth phase of UP elections we shall share this information to Uttar Pradesh voters."

Congress' Second in command after Diggy Chacha and Mullah Digvijay Singh Award winner from Pakistan, Manishankar Aiyer said "I would have loved to see if Kingfisher had joined the hands of Pakistan International Airlines which would have improved relations between India and Pakistan."

When DCFC reporter asked Rahul Baba for his views, he said "What is Kingfisher and Iran? Is Iran aam-aadmi? I would have to connect with Chacha and then I will give you answer.”

Vijay Mallya was also deeply gratified to Indian politicians which did not close Kingfisher Airlines and announced a special package for them.

“I am really thankful to Indian politicians for their support and cooperation. At this event, I am also announcing a special package for them of 3months holiday in Iran,” said Mallya.


According to sources, Deepika Padukone was trying to catch up with Siddharth Mallya, for initiating talks of patch up but he was unavailable.




Poonam Pandey to bare it all if Rahul Baba marries

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 17 February 2012 | Posted in

Showing great courtesy towards Priyanka Gandhi who is concerned over her brother's marriage

India's hottest asset bar and great social worker Poonam Pandey offered to strip down her clothes again if Rahul Baba marries. Development came after Priyanka Gandhi told reporters that she was concerned over Baba's marriage.
"My eyes were so wet when I saw Priyanka's worried face and thought to do something," said Poonam Pandey, a major driving force behind India's World Cup win. Her confidence and belief in the team with some push from her inspirational speech and offer clicked well for Indian Cricket team. Her close associates believe that these inspirational words would also help for Rahul Baba's marriage.

When asked her whether she is interested in marrying Baba, she said "Yea obviously! He is so cute and looks like some Amul Butter spread on Maide kaa bread. I would love to marry him."

However, Poonam's fan turned opponent Rajesh Kumar Mishra said "Hope at least this time show some of her assets and it will not just smoke without the fire. I am still waiting to see her in the birth-day suit which she promised to Indian Cricket fans post world cup win."

Rahul Baba’s mentor and most intelligent person in the universe, Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) said “This idea is totally a bul**hit. She is an upper caste girl supported by RSS who wants to malign Rahul Baba’s image. I condemn this RSS built conspiracy.”

Rahul Baba's friends also couldn't carry this news well. Rahul Baba's recently became close friend Kisan Mumari Gupta said "We would advise Baba to watch Times of India website rather than waiting Poonam to get nude. It would be much more inspirational than Poonam's speech."

A source revealed that it was Rahul Baba's lack of interest in visiting Times of India that he is not much inspired to get married.


After watching Ek Mein Aur Ekk Tu, Moviegoers demanded customization of actor’s face expressions for getting better film watching experience

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


Customization will allow audience to watch Imran Khan for 3 hours without irritation

Showing serious displeasure over Imran Khan's acting skills in Ek Mein Aur Ekk tu, Kisan Pal Yadav demanded customization to be carried to moviegoers to improve the film watching experience.

Kisan Pal Yadav said "Watching same kind of expression by turning eyebrows up and down looks quite irritating for 2 hours. Plus his face could have been better Photoshop to suit with Aunty Kareena Kapoor."

Kisan Pal Yadav who is among the top developers in Facebook insisted that the production team of the film should allow the audience to make changes on the faces of actors and actresses plus changing their voice modulations for better experience. He told that customization will help the audience to change the expressions of actors who look dumb face so that they can be tolerated for 2-3 hours. "This is possible through Adobe Photoshop," Yadav said.

Even, scientific world is quite amazed with the limited movement Imran Khan's eyebrows have. Few scientists have made some research on it and found that Imran Khan's eyebrows are very thick and need a proper cut.

Dr R Ramalingam, Phd in 'Freedom of Face Expressions' said "Imran's eyebrows are so heavy that they have very limited movement. He can cut a part of his eyebrows and move them as Moustache so that he can more freely express his acting skills."

Film Critic Taran Adarsh however, was not agreed to Yadav's demand and Ramalingam's analysis. He said "Actually, I have some criterions for mapping actor's acting skill as like mapping movie story and direction. I believe if actor's eyes rotate 35 degrees to right and 40 degrees to left his eye expressions are good. Imran Khan fits in this criterion. Plus, we have another criterion for eyebrow expression. If it goes up more than 3 centimeters then we believe the actor is over-acting while if it does not move down past 1 centimeter the actor is not acting at all. In this criterion also Imran Khan fits. He moves his eyes 2.7 centimeters up and 1.2 centimeters down. I don't believe any need for customization by audience in the expressions of Imran Khan."

Telling about movie stories, Taran Adarsh said "If the movie sees death of Heroine then it would be 3 stars if hero is died in the film then it would be 4 stars and if it is Karan Johar's movie then indisputably 5 stars. Generally, we assume Karan Johar's movie would be 5 stars and therefore don't dare to watch it. Therefore, in our view Ek Mein Aur Ekk Tu doesn't need any customization."

However, another moviegoer, Ramchandra Mishra said "I can give more expressions than Imran Khan. I request producers of Imran Khan's upcoming movies to take the modulations of my face expressions and apply it to Imran Khan by using Photoshop so that user will get better film watching experience. I would do it for free."


Karan Johar, who moved his left side lips 3.45 centimeters up without moving right side lips (in common language, giving mischievous smile) said "What the f**k? Today, all the actors have developed their niche. Take example of Shahid Kapoor. He can change his face expressions from plastic smile face to arrogant face within 3-4 seconds. He is expert in doing that. That kind of variations and modulations in face expression is really notable. Imran Khan has his niche. He comfortably moves his eyebrows up and down within 6 odd seconds and nobody matches the speed he provides. He is natural in his expressions and therefore this idea of customization of actor's face expression is f**kingly idiotic."


Australia Cricket Fans requested BCCI not to apply law of delivering to Gautam Gambhir in Test matches

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 16 February 2012 | Posted in


Best catching practice to players in slip helped Gambhir gather such support

Australian Cricket fans requested BCCI to retain Gautam Gambhir (Gauti) in all the test cricket matches as an opening batsman without considering whether he delivers or not for the betterment of Cricket.

This request came after Gauti said "You don't want names, you want people who can deliver," when he was named man-of-the-match after top scoring with 92.

Australian Newspaper the Herald Sun reported earlier that Gautam Gambhir said Sachin Tendulkar no longer "delivers" while India needed players who could 'deliver'.

One of the Australian Cricket fans, Marc Jensen said "Gaavtom Gombhir has golden heart. He is really helpful guy. In all the test matches, he helped Australian fielders in the slip-area with catching practices while giving opportunity to fast bowlers to prove their mettle. Hats off! to him. I urge Indian team to retain him in all the future test matches whether he delivers or not. Law of delivery should not apply to him."

Digvijay Singh Fan Club

Only it wasn't marc but many Facebook pages requested BCCI to consider their demands.

Considering the seriousness of the matter, Jack Clarke Chairman of Cricket Australia (formerly known as the Australia Cricket Board) formally requested BCCI president N. Srinivasan to consider a long-term retention of Gautam Gambhir in Indian test team.

Clarke said "This would help many cricket teams to use his innings as a catching and bowling practice. Even I believe, few test teams like West Indies and Zimbabwe seriously needed such a kind of player in the opposition side."

He further said "I was in favor of selecting him as a Catching Practice Coach and Bowler Moral Booster Coach for Australia but James Sutherland (CEO of Cricket Australia) told me that he is still young to leave Team India."

Digvijay Singh Fan Club

N. Srinivasan confirmed that he received the letter from Clarke. He said "Actually, that what we were doing for the international test teams. I believe India always thought about others and made many favors to other cricketing nations. This is one such favor. We shall retain Gautam Gambhir whether he delivers or not for the betterment of international test cricket."

Funny commentator Navjot Sidhu said "When you push turtle into gutter the gutter doesn't become clean while turtle becomes muddy, unlike to that Gautam Gambhir is such a gem that despite the muddy water he comes clean by throwing catch to players in slip. I salute Gambhir."

Digvijay Singh Fan Club


Israel appointed Pakistani agency ISI to investigate Delhi bomb blast

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 15 February 2012 | Posted in


Finding the truth in the comments of India's Home Minister P Chidambaram (Chiddu Uncle) that India's Intelligence has no 'intelligence', Israel plans to outsource the investigation from Pakistan's ISI.

Israeli Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman confirmed the development. He said "According to Mossad chief Tamir Pardo, Pakistan's ISI has better access to India's remotest places than India's own investigation agencies. We talked with Pakistan's Foreign Minister Hina Rabbani Khar and she gladly accepted the proposal and assured us that Pakistan will give all the support for investigation."

While Lieberman avoided telling what Israel offered to Pakistan in return of this assistance, sources said that Israel will grant Pakistan Most Favored Nation (MFN) status in terms of arms supplies.

Office of India's foreign minister SM Krishna saved the face while telling that they don't have any idea about Israel's decision. However, closed source with SM Krishna said that earlier foreign minister was not really comfortable with the idea to bring ISI in India for investigation. But after Hina Rabbani Khar called him on the phone and personally made him sure that this would be a great gesture for India towards peace process initiated by Pakistan."

SM Krishna said "We have no issues of allowing ISI to investigate. This would be a step towards peace between India and Pakistan. Yesterday, Hina herself called me and told that Pakistan will grant India MFN status immediately after allowing ISI to work in Delhi. This will speed up our economic relations."

Lieberman said "We know that India is always a helpful country and it is now in a serious problem of either supporting Israel or Iran. Plus we also know that the country itself has thousands of terrorist matters to be closed and therefore we thought of choosing a very active and fast decision maker ISI for the investigation purposes."

When Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) reporter asked Chiddu Uncle about his views on the entire development, he said "As Rahul Baba confirmed at last terrorist attack press conference that 99% of terror attacks already vanished and only 1% is remaining; we actually don't have any issue working with ISI. As we lack in intelligence, we plan to go for technology collaboration with ISI and will access their technology to improve our intelligence."

Author's note


This is a sarcastic view on the reactions that India makes to any bomb blasts or terror attacks. This is really an unfortunate that Iran can come in India and throw bombs. There is no shame on the faces of our politicians about the ridiculous security we have. We know this is not a funny thing but this is what our security agencies behave. The blast was on the doorsteps of India and at least can we expect some kind of strong movement?


Times of India to align its news paper prices to rates of raddi in Mumbai

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 14 February 2012 | Posted in


Promoter complained about getting peanuts for his social work

Times of India, India's most entertaining and informative news paper plans to align its prices to the rates of raddi (old news papers). The development came after the company's MD Vineet Jain became furious to see his maid's monthly raddi fetched Rs 180 after spending paltry Rs150 for the month.

"This is real bullshit. While we are performing our social responsibilities by printing news paper for every kind of audience, from kid to old, it is really annoying that readers use our paper to collect some money by selling it to Raddiwalas (old paper collector)," said MD Vineet Jain.

Vineet's maid Hansabai confirmed the story. She said "I don't understand English but I know that collecting Times of India (TOI) along with Mumbai Mirror pays back huge sum."

Vineet Jain said "Rates of raddi paper (old news papers) sky rocketed by almost 100% from Rs 5-7 per kg in January 2011 to around Rs 10-11 per kg in January 2012 while our news paper prices remained at Rs 4.50 per for combination of TOI and Mumbai Mirror."

TOI along with Mumbai Mirror contain more than 100 pages everyday and it is a most selling news paper in Mumbai.

"Yea, TOI is my most favorite news paper because of double benefits as it contains Bombay Times (an entertaining supplement of the TOI) while rest of the news paper can be sold to Raddiwalas and gets a lucrative amount," said Shweta Parthsarthi, a Mumbai based loyal reader of Times of India.

When DCFC correspondent asked her whether she reads the main news paper and Mumbai Mirror, she said "Rest is trash, yea but very useful to get some money back by selling it to Raddiwala. It is just like 80-90% cash back offer from Times Group."

"These days news paper has only two purposes one is to read and other is to sell it to Raddiwala. Earlier, almost around 10 years back there were few more usages of the news paper. They could have been used to collect garbage or to collect Kid's sh*t. But with growing awareness people come to know the utility of the news paper and they stopped using it for garbage and sh*t collection," said a news paper analyst Deepak Bhawra.
He said "Now usages of news paper other than reading and raddi purposes declined to 8% from 50% 10 years back and with more sanitation we shall see 100% news paper moving towards raddi."

Vineet Jain said "I don't understand weird mentality of Indian consumer. When we supply news papers at very cheap rates it is their responsibility to appreciate our efforts. However, our survey made last month showed that almost 90% of our readers like Times of India because the news paper fetches good return from raddis."

Jain further said "The survey also pointed that there is a general perception among the readers that printing such a large news paper means cash back offer from Times Group. How ridiculous it is!"

Young college student, Sneha Awasthi said "We generally don't give damn to main news paper and likes to keep it simple with Bombay Times and some part of Mumbai Mirror, as these papers have entertaining news and lots of offers."

Deepak Bhawra said "Generally, Mumbai Mirror is considered as Uday Chopra to Times of India while Bombay Times as Aditya Chopra. As Uday Chopra i.e., Mumbai Mirror is useless to Yash Chopra, i.e. Times of India, Aditya Chopra i.e., Bombay Times is real money spinner."

After knowing all the rave reviews about his news paper, Vineet Jain gave his final remarks.

"I am not going to tolerate anything further and now going to align prices of Times of India to Raddiwala's raddi rates and will stop this unannounced cash back offer," said Vineet Jain.



US President Candidate, Mitt Romney called Diggy Chacha for his advice

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


Diggy Chacha's experience to mentor Rahul Baba worked in his favour

A strong contender of US Presidentship, Mitt Romney felt to call most intelligent creature in the universe, right now living in India Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) for taking his advice at the crucial stage when underdog Rick Santorum gaining against Romney.


"Yea at this crucial stage I felt some support from somewhere. My assistant who studied Indian politics closely told me that this guy somebody Diggy has experience of mentoring a pupil to prime ministership post for India. Therefore, I thought of asking what I should do at this stage," Mitt Romney who kept mum when asked what advised he got from Diggy Chacha.

While answering to Political Punch of Jake Tapper - "Dogs Against Romney"?, Romney made his punch. He said "Now its, Dig with Romney."

Digvijay Singh Fan Club on Facebook

A source close to Mitt Romney said "Diggy gave him fresh flesh and muscle saying make any bul*s*it about anybody. People like only three things in politics, entertainment, entertainment and entertainment and you become entertainment. These few good tips helped Mitt so much that he went outside and bought a cap of Joker. He also provided few good tips on how to communicate with people and attract them by making confusing statements. Romney looked very happy and invited Diggy to join as an advisor to him which Diggy humbly refused."

The development sparked strongly in India. Both ruling and opposition party gave their reactions.
Kapil Sibal said "We are happy that at least now US recognised India's talent and I would urge them to take Diggy as an advisor so that they can recover from current recession."

Digvijay Singh Fan Club on Facebook

P Chidambaram said "Its a good idea if Diggy joins US politics and will stand for next elections so that he would help US economy to recover fast. I would urge few other faces to join him which include Janardhan Dwivedi and Manish Tewari."

Nitin Gadkari said "No no... We need Diggy in India to find out and mentor true gems like Rahul Baba. At least we will have chances to come as ruling party."


Sonia Gandhi, however, was head strong. She said "Diggy haven't completed his work mentoring Rahul Baba after which he will start working on Priyanka Baby for mentoring her as President post after Pratibha Patil. It is every Indian's dream to see Rahul Baba sitting on PM's chair and Priyanka on President's chair (Oooohmmmaaa...)."




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