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QUOTES AND UNQUOTES: President Pratibha Patil’s speech in the joint parliamentary speech

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 12 March 2012 | Posted in


Government assures faster growth in growth and inflation

India's President Pratibha Patil addressed to the Joint Sitting of Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha heralding the start of the Budget Session. Here are quotes of Pratibha Patil and unquotes that generated by Diggy Chacha Fan Club's (DCFC) automated unquote generating system*.

President hopes parties will work together in Parliament 'against the evils like Strong Lokpal, FDI in retail and anti-terrorism activities'.

'I hope this Session will be productive and useful.' 'Every candidate should commit that he will seat in the Parliament for at least 10 minutes without yelling or roaring from their pits. He will keep silence as like God.'

'My government is confident that it will soon steer the country back to the high growth trajectory of 8 to 9 per cent' 'while we also assure farmers and industrialists that we shall return the inflation rate of 11 to 12 per cent very soon after implementing these high growth trajectory measures.'

On black money, Patil said, the government has initiated action on various fronts to tackle the menace 'and we assure that the black money will smoothly fly away to other countries.'

Efforts are underway to build political consensus on the Goods and Services Tax, which will give a major boost to the economy by rationalising indirect taxes and giving full input credit. 'However, if the government would not be able to generate consensus over Goods and Services Tax, we recommend the government to try to build consensus over No Goods and No Services Tax (Details will be soon available on DCFC) on the tax payers.'


Editor's Note: - DCFC has built an automated generating system to unquote the various quotes of different personalities.

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Reactions of various prominent personalities on Rahul Dravid's retirement

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Saturday, 10 March 2012 | Posted in








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Congress Party offered Rahul Dravid to join politics, contest polls in 2014

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 9 March 2012 | Posted in


The great wall may defend party and Rahul Baba in the upcoming elections

Cricket's greatest wall and most dependable player for India, Rahul Dravid has taken a decision to retire from all forms of cricket, a seriously tough one. While everybody from cricketing circles wished all the best to Rahul and also told that cricketing world will miss him, Congress Party decided to contest 2014 poll in Centre and State with Rahu Dravid.

"Yea, that's right! Our emergency meeting decided to convert Rahul's publicity into Party's gains and therefore offered Rahul a respectable position," said Manish Tewari, party spokesperson.

Manish told media "While Madamji want him to support Congress Party in such a crisis situation, it will be upto him whether or not he should join Congress Party."

"I agree with whatever Manish said. These are not his personal views and views of entire party. This is ideal age for Rahul Appa to start his career in politics with a senior colleague like Rahul Baba. I would like to invite Rahul to work with us," said Party head mentor, Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha).

Diggy Chacha said "Rahul Dravid was a great wall for Indian Cricket. Now he can work for Congress Party part/full time to defend it in 2014 elections."

Diggy Chacha said "Congress lacks defensive batsmen. Now, if we consider that I am Sachin Tendulkar of Congress Party, who is very aggressive, we don't have actual Rahul Dravid to defend party in crisis situation. Plus these days I lack motivation to defend also and therefore I myself suggested Madamji to invite Rahul which she happily approved. This great wall of Rahul Dravid will protect our Rahul Baba."

While Rahul Dravid rejected that he got any such kind of proposal, he said "I would decide what to do whenever I read entire offer and my jobscope. Few years back, I was really pissed off of doing wicket-keeping, batting, fielding, captainship and many more roles in one package and if some political party is going to offer me multi-tasking, I am not interested."

On this occassion, Salman Khurshid said "This decision shows Congress Party's 'never say die' approach. Please pardon me Election Commissioner, but I recommend 9% quota for Indian Cricketers in the Indian governance system."

There are talks that Ravi Shastri is under going a training to become political leader. In its first phase he is trained to be criticized and made fun from all over the world. When DCFC reporter asked Diggy Chacha whether there is any scope that Ravi Shastri can also join Congress Party, he said "There is no scope for RSS (Ravi Shastri's strokes) in Congress Party."


However, ocassion was little confusing for Rahul Baba who love to know who is Rahul Dravid. So confused Rahul Baba asked Diggy Chacha infront of all reporters "Who is Rahul Dravid? Is he aam admi? or Does he play Football in any of India's sports club?"

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5 reasons why Congress lost the battle in Uttar Pradesh

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 7 March 2012 | Posted in


4 damage control exercises by Congress party high command

In a first edition of Number Game, Diggy Chacha Fan Club analyzed and assessed the defeat Congress Party in Uttar Pradesh (UP) election. Unfortunately before publishing, the copy of assessment was leaked and reached to Congress Party. The party president Soniaji (Madamji) took a emergency meeting of the party prominent leaders and after a great brainstorming they took some major policy decisions about the directions to 2014 elections. We would like to share our readers on our assessment from the UP election and the Congress party's decisions about the way forward.
Entertainment value for Diggy Chacha declined sharply

Chacha Digvijay Singh is considered to be a great entertainer for Indian public. His statements carry a lot of entertainment value. Plus he is much focused avenger for enemies if personal attack is to be conducted. However, by end of the campaigning for unknown reason this guy lost all his energy and almost stopped bullshitting which affected Congress a lot in the results.

What kind of bullshitting of Chacha stopped?

1.     Use of word RSS
Striking reduction in the use of keyword "RSS" was one of the major reasons for the defeat of Congress party in UP. It was one of the handiest weapons for Diggy Chacha, which he used successfully for quite a lot time in the past.

Historical evidences suggest that Diggy Chacha used RSS word multiple times during April 2011 to September 2011, providing great entertainment to voters. Statistics from an independent research agency, Statssaga suggest that Diggy Chacha used 'RSS' at least 5-6 times daily during the above mentioned period while since October 2011 he used the word twice a week.

2.     Curtailing controversial and funny statements
Another reason for declining entertainment value was Diggy Chacha's attitude for personal attack. Say sentences such as 'Baba Ramdev is a thug' or 'Anna Hazare is carrying mask of RSS' used to entertain voters a lot and therefore also keeping Diggy Chacha in the news. However, while Ramdev Baba started focusing on his yoga teaching due to peak season and Anna Hazare took some rest to start a new battle with high vigor before next winter session, Diggy Chacha lost credible enemies to attack on.

3.     Lost focus and energy
Third was Diggy Chacha's assessment was incorrect for sometime (yea even God can makes fault, Diggy Chacha is just a strange creature). Backsliding attack on RSS, he just pushed Batla House where Salman Khurshid made his own mockery and everybody knows what happened next.  

Summary:
By not using his main weapons of talking bullshit on community and individual persons, Diggy Chacha credibility of his loyal voters. Therefore last 3 months of campaigning of Uttar Pradesh elections lacked real entertainment.

Too many entertainers spoilt the show

Sharp deterioration in the energy of Diggy Chacha (reasons unknown) during pre-election campaigning and lack of entertainment value in his speech prompted other cheap Congress leaders to take his place. Salman Khurshid and Beni Prasad Verma were amongst those. Few like Robert Vadra joined the campaigning without any invitation (means 'maan na maan mein teraa mehmaan'). However, no body filled the absence of Diggy Chacha's energy. Speeches of these mannequin leaders were just boring statements (yawn). Unfortunately, even Poonam Pandey who posted her bikini photos on PM's twitter page could not fuel the energy in the government team.

Lack of firm commitments

The UP election campaigning witnessed lack of firm commitments from Congress leaders over

·         Rahul Baba's marriage,
·         Priyanka's entry in politics,
·         Entry of Priyanka's kids in politics,
·         Announcement of Rahul Baba as chief minister of UP,
·         Announcement of Priyanka's kids as chief ministers of UP,
·         Announcement of Robert Vadra's wealth pre and post marriage and
·         Announcement that Manmohanji will not keep his mouth shut.

No bullshitting from Team Anna, only bull's eye hit

Till December 2011, team Anna kept Congress and Diggy Chacha on the headlines of media. But, reasons unknown, sudden change in the stand of the team which started looking things from macro perspective rather than focusing on small sized leaders like Diggy Chacha, kept Congress out of focus/minds of voters.

Butter prices dropped sharply pre-election

Heavy use of Amul Butter by Congress leaders to buttress Amul Baby created allergy among the voters rather than energy. The butter during this period was used so heavily that at some point of time every Indian felt that for Congress butter is very cheap.

Damage Control exercise from Congress

However, according to DCFC sources the copy of DCFC report on the assessment of Congress defeat in Uttar Pradesh was leaked to Government which is trying to build a credible plan. DCFC reporter received copy of the plan which Diggy Chacha will start implementing soon to generate voters interest in Congress for 2014 elections.

Plan of Action:

1.     "Rahul Baba is eligible to marry, now"

This will attract female voters which include teenage girls like Poonam Pandey, many aunties and old age grannies. The plan was advocated by Diggy Chacha himself and got cheerful approval from Soniaji.

2.     "Food subsidy bill of one two three to be expanded to Pizza, Burger and other Italian food"

To attract page-3 voters and socialites along with Aam admi, Kapil Sibal advocated addition of some tasty Italian food in the menu of Food Security Bill, which was cheerfully approved by Madamji despite a strong opposition by Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee. Pranabda was provided bunch of Rasgullah to keep his mouth shut. Under the new plan, which is going to be announced on Budget day 16th March 2012, Pizza will be sold at Re1, Burger at Rs2 and other Italian food at Rs3.

3.     "RSS supported Mulayam Singh Yadav to become chief minister"

As for some time Diggy Chacha witnessed lull in his creativity, a team of Congress party members was appointed to find out few sentences to raise his entertainment value. After huge conversation, discussions and many meetings they found out few statements which include RSS supported Mulayam Singh Yadav to become chief minister. Another statement they found out was "Mayawati was working under the guidance of RSS".

4.     "Priyanka Vadra's son Raihan can become Home Minister of India"

This will be a trump card for Diggy Chacha. Diggy Chacha will use this sentence in a crucial time and will avoid till requirement. Raihan who is studying in school can become youngest Home Minister of India. All the Congress members cheerfully gave their approval.


Editor's Note: Diggy Chacha Fan Club is starting a new edition called 'Number Game'. This is the first story of the new edition.

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Rahul Baba should take retirement if Congress doesn't score 100 in UP elections - Political expert Inder Chappal

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 5 March 2012 | Posted in


Rahul Baba's mission 100 seats in UP, Sachin still away from 100 runs 










Voices from political experts are now stronger over delivering capabilities of Rahul Baba

Echoing the voices of cricketing experts who are consistently forcing Sachin Tendulkar to declare his retirement from one-day format of Cricket, many political experts are now raising questions over Rahul Baba should allow to campaign Congress party in upcoming elections or should he be rested or should he asked to take a retirement.

Hard liner political expert Inder Chappal said "What could have been a glorious entry in the politics through the success in Uttar Pradesh elections for Rahul Baba may turn into an ongoing of missed opportunities, leading to frustrationall round."

Chappal said with every sundryand uselesspolitician is taking blame on himself for his failure to get the elusive 100 seats in the Uttar Pradesh election, it was high time for him to look at himself. 

Many insiders from Congress Party also asked Rahul Baba to forget dream 100 number in the UP elections are practice better for delivering as like Indian team insider Gautam Gambhir asked Sachin Tendulkar.

However, does the 100 number important for Rahul Baba and would it really make sense that he should retire if he doesn't achieve 100 seats in UP elections.

Chappal said "For Rahul Baba's caliber that described by Diggyji time to time should at least deliver 100 and not lesser than that. So it is unnecessary if Diggyji wants to take blame on himselfor wants to shift on somebody else."

When Diggy Chacha Fan Club asked another political expert Mayawati who is now chief minister of Uttar Pradesh, she said "Uttar Pardes voters will show him my sandals and he should take retirement."

Nitin Gadkari, a political expert from BJP said "Whatever Chappal said was correct and 100 number would test Rahul Baba's skills and if he doesn't deliver, may be Congress can take Varun Gandhi from us for free of cost."

When asked whether Rahul Baba should take retirement from elections and politics if he doesn't score 100 in UP elections. Diggy Chacha said "Madamji clearly told BCCI (Board of Congress Community of India) that 100 score was my responsibility and still I am going to join politics even if we don't achieve that number and therefore please stop your fu**ing commentary on politics."


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Blame it on Sachin Tendulkar if Congress does not get 100 seats in Uttar Pradesh - Chacha Digvijay Singh

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in










Read correlation of Sachin Tendulkar's 100 against Congress' 100 in UP

Engaging listeners by his witty comments, Chacha Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) said "It would not be Rahul Baba's fault and neither will be mine if we could not achieve 100 seats in Uttar Pradesh elections. Just the blame goes to Sachin Tendulkar who could not engage Uttar Pradesh voters at their TV sets for watching India - Australia - Srilanka matches and the record turnout come for voting."

Diggy Chacha who was just in a relaxed mood after hectic schedule for UP election campaigning said "The statement that I made that all responsibilitiesare mine if Congress can't achieve 100 seats in Uttar Pradesh was out of emotions and love towards Rahul Baba. But, now as I am free and my though process is also flying like a bee, I feel it was Sachin Tendulkar who could not engage UP voters in front of their TV sets. Our estimates of 100 seats in Uttar Pradesh were based on the turnout we saw in 2007 but now as record turnout witnessed in 2012 elections our calculations might go haywire and the responsibility would be only on Sachin Tendulkar."

Expressing the correlation between Congress' 100 seats win and Tendulkar's century, Diggy Chacha said "We expected Tendulkar will score his 100th century in the ongoing one-day series and UP voters would not show much interest in voting but because of Sachin's failure to score century, we are worried over numbers."

When asked, in line with Virendar Sehwag who failed to make any mark in Australia tour, will Congress give some rest to Diggy Chacha for next elections, Diggy Chacha expressed his anger over comparing himself with notorious Sehwag. He also threatened Diggy Chacha Fan Club reporter for complaining to Kapil Sibal.


DCFC reporter contacted Sachin Tendulkar for his reply on Diggy Chacha’s allegations, however, unaware about Indian politics, Sachin Tendulkar innocently asked “Who is Digvijay Singh and who is Rahul Baba?”
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Times of India survey suggests 85% of Ethiopian wants Rahul Baba to be Prime Minister of India

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 2 March 2012 | Posted in


Ethiopian Farmer craving for Rahul Baba to have
dinner at his residence














Competition gets severe among newspapers in buttering Congress and Rahul Baba; HT claims its Mozambique survey is more reliable than TOI

A poll conducted by India's leading news paper Times of India (TOI) to check the popularity of Rahul Gandhi (Rahul Baba), 85% of civilians of Ethiopia want Rahul Baba to head India. The outcome was supported by a survey of TOI's rival news paper Hindustan Times (HT) survey in Mozambique, a developing nation in Africa. HT survey suggests that 92% people in Mozambique wants Rahul Baba to become Prime Minister of India. The survey also suggests that Indian government’s most efficient Food Security Actbrought the need for country integration among many African countries.

“Yes, it was necessary to conduct such survey in other countries, particularly countries like African. We wanted to see the widespread charisma of Rahul Baba to understand how the Indian government was performing and how much he was famous among the womenof African countries,” said Prakash Trivedi, surveyor of TOI.

Rally in support of Rahul Baba for becoming India's PM
Trivedi said “We placed two questions in front of people in Ethiopia. First was whether they want Rahul Baba to become India’s prime minister or do they want Baba to become Ethiopia’s prime minister. 85% of respondents answer that they want Baba to become India’s prime minister.”

Trivedi informed Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) reporter that India’s Food Security Act is very popular in African countries and therefore they believe Rahul Baba is a savior for poor people and aam-admi.

He said “Our survey gave mind-boggling results. Out of 10 women of Ethiopia, 9 wanted to marry Rahul Baba. One was out of question as she was either married or didn’t want to have extra-marital affair.”

Trivedi said “We have sent our results to Congress Party Hi-command and suggested them to take the benefits of Rahul Baba’s charisma and introduce a Food Security Act in these countries along side in India.”

Hindustan Times, another leading news paper thrashed on TOI saying that the idea generation was from HT under its Rahul 2.0 campaign.

“TOI has copied the entire leaf from our campaign Rahul 2.0 which is most exhaustive work on Rahul Baba’s every step during the election campaigning. Our correspondent is closely tracking Rahul Baba every time, since when he wakes up till says good night to Mummy. Since when he goes to toilet, bathroom, when he has his exercise, when he drinks his Bournvita and when Diggyji slaps Amul butter on his bread just to enlighten our young readers about their heartthrob. Everything is tracked by our correspondent. There is shameless thing that TOI did by copying the theme of our campaign,” said Sanjoy Narayan, Editor-in-chief of HT.

Mr. Narayan, however, said “We immediately contacted to Congress party spokesperson Diggyji showing him that we generated the entire idea so that TOI would not able to take the credit of that survey.
However, Prakash Trivedi claimed that TOI was the first to initiate that theme to understand the popularity of Rahul Baba.

Dream Man for Ethiopian Girls
He said "I would like to claim the real success of the survey. Today, TOI showed that it is not just an Indian news paper but also a global one. This is a first kind of survey that would have been taken in other country."

When DCFC reporter asked Trivedi, HT also took such kind of survey in Mozambique, he said "That survey was totally biased towards Congress and Rahul Gandhi. Our survey shows result that only 85% Ethiopians want Rahulji as prime minister of India while their survey shows 92% people of Mozambique want, which itself suggests that HT wants to lure Rahul Baba," Trivedi said.

Trivedi also told that HT’s survey was not comprehensive as the surveyor didn’t ask whether women in Mozambique want to marry Rahul Baba.

He said “While 90% women in Ethiopia wanted to marry Rahul Baba, 98% people invited Baba to have dinner at their home.”

While HT surveyor Ramchandra Agarwal claimed that its survey was totally non-biased and transparent, he also gave a new direction to the entire idea.


He said "Our competitors and ordinary readers though made opinion that we always buttered Congress and Rahul Baba, we never did it. If any of our news showed buttering the government, it should be taken as sarcastic or satire."

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