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Congress agrees all the conditions of Team Anna but hitch remains on Diggy Chacha's inclusion as Lokpal

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 21 December 2011 | Posted in

In Madam Soniaji's words, it could have been a path breaking day for India. However, just because of one small reason it became the disaster.

(Author Note: Apologise that we can't call Sonia Aunty, as internet decency promoter Kapil uncle will file an FIR against the author.)

"It was Annaji's rigidity that the government and Team Anna could not reach to any conclusion," said Manish Tewari, most famous mouthpiece of Congress after Diggy Chacha and limbu timbu politician. "How much should we bend in front of him? We agreed all his conditions while he was adamdant that he will not agree our only one condition. This is sheer hypocrisy," Manish added.

"Bullshit, what the hell this guy thinks about him? Nobody dared to show any ego besided me and Chiddu in the whole universe and this guy is showing his arrogance to us. I will complain against him towards the cyber law to take him into his arrest," said Kapil Sibal, Zero loss theory and internet censorship fame.

"I request to judiciary to empty A Raja's (Appu Raja) cell by giving him the bail, I will pay by my pocket, so that we shall put Annaji into his cell for future relaxation," said India's Law Minister Salman Khurshid Bhaai.

"No no no, the issue is sanity, purity and clarity. A person should be unscathed and he should not be corrupt mentally. See I never did any crime, any sin or any corruption in my life. But the people like Annaji are corrupting the nation and still he is outside. Last time when I put him behind the bar everybody shouted over me. Hypocrisy," said Chiddu uncle.

So many comments were flooded from Congress party leaders. But what did happen in that meeting wherein Team Anna and Congress discussed about the Lokpal Bill.

A senior leader of Congress party said "It was a good interaction. Even all the senior Congress leaders agreed upon the conditions, Anna had put. But Congress put only one condition which the team and Annaji couldn't agreed upon. This is insult to whole Parliament of the nation that they didn't agree to Congress' one condition."
Famous Bihari leader Lalu Prasad Yadav commented on Twitter (Hindi) "U kaa kehet hai sau lauhaar (team Anna) ki aur ek sunaar (Madamji) ki. Ab hamkaa koi tension naahi hai. Saadhu, gudbag paan lagaa."

The senior Congress leader said "Actually, Madamji welcomed all the suggestions of Team Anna. However, she said that she would agree upon all the conditions but Annaji should agree on one that Diggy Chacha will be the first Lokpal of the nation. This condition team Anna didn't agree and they walked out of the meeting without saying anything."

DCFC reporter contacted Diggy Chacha who initially wasn't comfortable in talking about the whole episode but after persistent questions he broke his silence with tearful eyes. "See I am not greedy of any position. I am the best in the universe and I don't want the position of Lokpal that I told Madamji and Rahul Baba. But still if Madamji insists I will happily become Lokpal."

However, team Anna released a circular "Our fight against corruption will go on and Annaji will seat on fast on given date."

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Survey: 90% of Indian mothers want their kid to be a mix of Diggy Chacha and Sibal Uncle

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 19 December 2011 | Posted in

An independent survey of 500 women from different states reveals shocking results that 90% of the women want their child to be borne like Diggy Chacha and Sibal Uncle.

A research agency called "Train in Brain" recently conducted a survey on a subject called "Aspiration of intelligent kids". Pankuj Pandey, Head - research of the agency said "We were keen to know, today what an Indian woman thinks. What are her children should be compared with? Did they want him/her to become Sachin Tendulkar/Shahrukh or Saina Nehwal/ Aishwarya Rai? We conducted a survey with few simple questions while we had a library of different people in India which had different skill sets. We matched all the answers and compared them with our library and we shocked to see the results. Most of the women agreed upon 2 people, one was Albert Einstein like brainy guy, Kapil Sibal and the other one was communication king, a dream man for any Public Relations (PR) agency, Digvijay Singh."

"Today what a mother want is intelligent brain which should innovate something that may be stupid and idiotic but still innovative and should possess enough communication skills to express it to the world," a psychologist Preeti Sanyaal said.

"Actually, we conducted the survey based on intelligence, shrewdness and communication parameters, which received a great response. 500 women answered the questions. When we combined all the answers, we got a strange looking creature who had upper face looked like Kapilji and mouth looked like Diggyji," said surveyor Nimit Sharma.

When DCFC reporter asked Nimit Sharma to justify the results he said "Actually, year 2011 lacked in terms of innovation. Hardly, one or two stupid but innovative theories came. "Zero Loss Theory" was one of those creative theories. It directly matches with Albert Einstein's general theory of relativity. For example Einstein's theory implies the existence of black holes—regions of space in which space and time are distorted in such a way that nothing, not even light, can escape—as an end-state for massive stars.

Same way, Sibalji gave a new theory of Zero Loss. Zero Loss are the holes-regions of space in which power and grid are distorted in such a way that nothing, not even spectrum allocation or 2G scam, can escape—as an end-state for losses. Therefore, there was no loss at all. His idea of censoring internet ship had the mass appeal. Even his critics which include Diggy Chacha, Chiddu supported it. However, he couldn't properly convey the message to the society and therefore we felt that he lacks in communication but has great innovative mind."

Talking about Diggy Chacha's selection he said "Diggyji is best communication tool for the Congress Party. Be it conveying message that Osama was not just Osama but he was Osamaji while Ramdev Baba was thug and Anna Hazare is maintaining a gang of 4, all these press releases of the party were artistically expressed by him were taken very positively by the society. His way of communicating the social messages is extra-ordinary. However, despite his prowess, many Congress leaders still dump Diggyji as useless leader. Therefore, we chose him for his communication skills. Based on aspirations of all women, our painter Mr. Majid F Hasan drew a picture which gave us the combination of Kapilji and Diggyji."

When DCFC reporter contacted Diggy Chacha for his view, he said "This is great pleasure of mine. Thanks to all behenjis who selected me as their mouthpiece. I have a good experience of communicating messages from the great mother of India. In the form of mouths of all the children, I would definitely try to talk more and more."
However, the comments of Diggy Chacha attracted criticisms. Modern Women Liberation Front (MWLF) Chief, Ms Girija Oberoy said "How dare he called all women as behenjis! Didn't he know that this word is barred from the Women Dictionary of India? We strongly condemn Diggyji's inhumane and anti-women act by calling women as 'behenji'."

Environmental Activist, Satish Dubey said "We denounce Diggyji's statement which motivates producing noise-pollution. The world is already under global warming and now he is motivating Indian mothers to spread noise pollution. We are against this act, if every child will have Diggyji's mouth our whole world will become a fish market by spreading noise everywhere."

DCFC reporter contacted Kapil uncle for his views on the survey. Sibal uncle shouted at the reporter "I will not tolerate all these hopeless surveys which demean me everyday. A lot of jokes you already made on my revolutionary "Zero Loss Theory" you third grade reporter from that your third grade site. I will ask Salman and Chiddu to ban your website also."

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Swami Nithyanada reveals that the great Management Guru Arindam is his elder brother

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


Few sources of Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) in Bangalore reveal that great Gyan guru and expert of sex meditation, Swami Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji) told secret that the great Management guru of India and most scholar, most handsome economist, intelligent and so on, Arindam Chaudhuri (Arindam) is his elder brother.

"Swamiji was with full of tears and the situation was difficult to manage to Bangalore Police when he revealed that he was younger brother of Arindamji," said the source.

The source further said that the Bangalore Police first came into suspicion when they closely watched photos of Swamiji and Arindam and they made a casual enquiry with Swamiji.

"It was very emotional day for Swamiji," said the source who also revealed that Arindam himself gave Swamiji philosophical and spiritual lectures in his early days. "Swamiji learnt about spirituality when he was 2 years, thanks to Arindamji," said the source.

When DCFC reporter contacted Bangalore Police, one constable said "When our Sir (Deputy Commissioner of Police) saw teeth colour of Swamiji and Arindam, he was shocked and suddenly he asked all his juniors to collect all the samples of teeth to understand the relationship of Swamiji and Arindam. Collected sample revealed that they have relationship. When we enquired with Swamiji, he happily agreed."

"Both of them are having many similarities while only differences are that Arindam uses spectacles and goggles while Swamiji is yet to reach that stage. Another difference is that Arindam has a pony-tail while Swamiji likes to keep open his beautiful hair," said the constable. "In my view, Arindam is more stylish than Swamiji," he added.
"Both used to clean their teeth by Colgate, which gave them perfect shape and bold look," said neighbor of Arindam's house.

"Since childhood only Paramu and Arindu used to keep their mouth open to show their white teeth," said grandfather of neighbour of Arindam.

"This is important revelation by Bangalore Police," said deputy Commissionar of Police. "It was not very easy to identify the relationship between two but wittiness of Bangalore Police till date which always remained under profile made it easy," he added.

"We have all the samples of teeth but except plaque, which was not available with both of them," said Inspector Chinappa. He said "We also came to know that the set of 32 teeth in their mouth was since their birth and it is still unaffected. The reason why their teeth look milky white was that their current teeth are still milky (in scientific language it calls deciduous set)."

"Normally, mammals are diphyodont, meaning that they develop two sets of teeth. In humans, the first set normally starts to appear at about six months of age, although some babies are born with one or more visible teeth, known as neonatal teeth," said Goregaon based dentist, Kiran Rao. She also said "Some animals develop only one set of teeth (monophyodont) while others develop many sets (polyphyodont). Sharks, for example, grow a new set of teeth every two weeks to replace worn teeth." 


When DCFC reporter tried to call Arindam to take his reaction, Arindam's secretary shout at us and said "Don't you have any other work than focusing on India's great genius Arindamji. Get lost and don't show your mouth."

Fake News

DiggyLeaks: Pranab Mukherjee's fast for once a day helped reduce India's food inflation

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 15 December 2011 | Posted in


A leaked government document revealed astonishing information to DCFC reporter. India's finance minister stopped eating once a day helped reduce India's inflation drastically. The document also stated that every minister of Congress is trying for image make over, to gain confidence of India's voters.

"Yes, that's true! Pranabda eats once a day only. I don't have any authority to talk about this but still we really feel sad that he himself started this action to show the voters that he doesn't always mean words, but sometimes action also," said a senior leader of Congress requesting anonymity.

"His strategy worked out clearly well. Food inflation, which rose sharply by 11.81% in the last week of October increased by paltry 4.35% in first week of December. The credit goes to Pranabda only," said India's sad home minister Chiddu uncle.

"I alwaysh shaid that government effortsh shud work well. I derefore shtop eating wonsh a day to cool down tho inflashon," Pranabda said with a beautiful smile. "I ashk other politishon to follow me, shpesholly Nitin Godkoriji," he advised other politicians.

A closed source said that Pranabda had a serious discussion with Soniaji last month wherein most of the ministers agreed for a serious makeover of the ministers and politicians to lure Indian voters. Another reason was rising attacks on politicians. "After Sharad Pawar debacle, Diggyji asked Madamji to take emergency meeting to improve Congress' politician image," said the source.

"Pranabda chose not to eat vegetables and sweets made by milk as prices of both the commodities rose at staggering rates. He also advised Diggy to stop eating butter as prices of high protein based food were sky high," said the senior leader.

Suvradidi, Pranabda's spouse also confirmed the development. "Yosh, he shtop eating food in tho evening," just wiping out two tears from her eyes "for a month he evon didn't eat hish favorite rosho gullah. Losht week when I oshked him to eat it he shaid no Shurva it eeish for shochial caush."

When DCFC reporter asked Pranabda's closed associate that why did he chose not to eat rasgulla, who requested not to be identified said "Actually, prices of high protein content food were growing rapidly. Therefore, he skipped rasgullah from his every day's dinner, which caused correction in protein based food prices."

Another source said that Rahul Baba when saw Pranabda's sacrifice felt very sad and he is thinking to stop eating Amul Butter.

"That is also a strategy for image makeover of Rahul Baba. Baba is famous for his Amul Baby tag. Therefore, Diggy Chacha himself asked him to stop eating butter for a while and switch to more pizza (prices of which are stable)," said Manish Tewary who is searching a good responsibility on his shoulder after Anna Hazare fiasco. "Diggy Chacha thinks Rahul Baba will suit as Pizza Boy rather than Amul Baby," Manish added.

When DCFC reporter asked Pranabda about the development "Whot the bollshit! How would I shtop eating moy favorite roshogullah? I oshked Shurva to make me shugar free roshogullah. Bot she oshked me to tok with Madamji to raish our shalaries firsht becosh prishes of shugar free alsho incleashed."

The document revealed few other names who are asked to makeover

Manmohan Singh: Joined the classes of communication

Rahul Baba: Will talk sensibly, will try to live in sensible company and will stop eating butter from Diggy Chacha, 
Manish Tewary, Rashid Alvi, Rita Bahuguna Joshi and all other party members

Kapil Sibal: Will stop giving stress to his brain, which is disfunctional since a long time.

Salman Khurshid: Will study law before talking anything on law

P Chidambaram: Will visit temples to get saved from Appu Raja

Manish Tewary: Will join 5th class and start his broken educational career again before re-entering the politics

Digvijay Singh: Will open his mouth only to show his beautiful grin for any question asked by any reporter and will 
not give more than 2 answers per week

Netizen Federation of India bans Indian politicians to surf Facebook, Twitter and social networking sites

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 6 December 2011 | Posted in


Netizen Federation of India (NFI), a newly formed organisation to take care of the rights of India's cyber crazy people came out with a circular that bans Indian politicians to view, react or rediculed the contents on the social networking sites, which include Facebook, Twitter, Google, etc. and personal blogs. NFI also issued circular to all these platforms to write a warning on their websites saying the site is prohibited for Indian politicians and weak hearted patients.

The response came after Kapil Sibal (Sibal Uncle) issued Indian Communications and IT minister Kapil Sibal (Sibal Uncle), famous for his weird theory of Zero loss to Telecom companies announced a proposal to have technology companies like Microsoft, Facebook, Google, and Twitter pre-screen user generated content so that community sentiments, limited to Congress Party, Soniya Aunty, Rahul Baba and Diggy Chacha are not hurt.
S Ramalingam, NFI President said "We got a lot of complaints from different Indian netizens, bloggers, and enthusiastic people who post their comments without keeping their emotions in control that many politicians and weak hearted people are keeping tab on their contents and circulate notices of warnings. It disrupts their day to day activities. They also asked government that for farmers have NREGA Scheme but for hardworking netizens have nothing to earn bread n butter. So keeping in mind of their interest NFI issued a circular to government. We also thought giving a warning on each platform and blog would be good as government gives warning on cigarette packets."

Ramalingam said "Besides politicians, India's great scholars like Arindamji, Uday Chopraji, Abhishekji also got heartbreaks for many times. Therefore, we thought to include people who have weak hearts."
Diggy Chacha was first to react to the story and circular. "What the heck! This is totally against India's democratic interest. How can a newly formed association can control what we shall surf or what we shouldn't. How can somebody form an association overnight after the announcement of Kapil? This must be RSS's conspiracy against Rahul Baba which we condemn from the peak of Himalayas."

"We are reviewing all the legal documents to answer this circulary legally," said Sibal Uncle. He added "We know the rights of netizens. However, it will a good idea to stop netizens to post their comments rather than asking Diggy not to see Facebook and Twitter."

Giving reference of p$$$@graphic contents, Sibal Uncle said "It is better to stop those contents rather than stop eyes that watch those movies. We are planning for CDS i.e., content deducted at source, just like TDS, tax deducted at source."

Chiddu Uncle, however, took a different stand. He said heavy heartedly "I condemn Sibal's move as after a long time I was getting popular on the networking sites and he is trying for censorship. I have strong heart to read my popularity on the net."

Salman Khurshid (Salman Bhaai) said "We have to check many issues before accepting NFI's circular. Is it related to Anna Hazare or BJP or Mayawati or RSS that we have to check?"
Ramalingam said that he was waiting for the replies of the government.


Fake News

Copy of the code of conduct for social networking sites leaked

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


The government on Tuesday appeared set to dictate a code of conduct for the social media networks and other websites despite an assurance from the likes of Facebook that they would remove content that violates their terms.

Indicating a hardening its stance, sources in the IT ministry insisted that the terms should be in line with Indian community standards (what are those?) so that they do not offend local sensitivities (Local? Is it comprehensive or restricted to Congress Party). While communications & IT minister Kapil Sibal reiterated that the government was against censorship, he said that the US laws and community standards could not be applied in India (ha ha ha).
"We have to take care of the sensibilities of our people (what is that again?)¦ Cultural ethos is very important to us," Sibal told a hurriedly called press conference at his residence on Tuesday. With the legal process expected to take a while, the code of conduct may contain provisions that stipulate heavy penalty for websites that put out "offensive" material, sources added.

However, Diggy Chacha Fan Club received a copy of the code of conduct received from a senior leader of Congress Party, who requested to not to use his name.

Main points in the leaked copy of the code of conduct for social networking sites

1.     Delete all the references of Zero Loss theory, first and foremost step.

2.     Rahul Baba is Rahul Baba and not Amul Baby. Remove any reference of Rahul Baba to Amul or any butter making process.

3.     Diggy Chacha is a most sensible guy in the government and has stopped b...s.....ng, so any offensive or abusive content regarding him or any of his activity, which include morning private work to late night sleep should be deleted. However, before deleting first send the information, comments and criticisms to Chiddu and me so that we can roll on floor, laughing.

4.     Soniya Madam is most intelligent and is like Godess for us so no abusive contents about her would be tolerated. The same principal is for Rahul Baba, Priyanka Baby and Robertji.

5.     DLF is Donkey Liberation Front for which Robertji works and not for DLF real estate company. This DLF (Donkey Liberation Front) is an active trust which takes care of the life of roadside donkeys which are most ignored animals. Therefore, Robertji's so called relations with DLF should be taken respectfully and in a serious promotion campaign that Robertji is related to this organisation should be done by all social networking sites.

6.     Abusive and offensive contents related to some small leaders like Manish Tewari, Janardan Dwivedi and Rashid Alvi and small parties like BJP, BSP, SP can be ignored.


Fake News

Twitter banned Diggy Chacha's page under cyber censorship

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


Indian Communications and IT minister Kapil Sibal (Sibal Uncle), famous for his weird theory of Zero loss to Telecom companies announced a proposal to have technology companies like Microsoft, Facebook, Google, and Twitter pre-screen user generated content so that community sentiments, limited to Congress Party, Soniya Aunty, Rahul Baba and Diggy Chacha are not hurt. Social media platforms are being asked to censor whatever politicians deem objectionable and too offensive for the Internet. Sibal called a news conference when the story broke, and following it, Facebook responded to say that it can't help in the effort.

However, Twitter responded positively and in a revering exercise it removed Diggy Chacha's page from its site to stop spreading objectionable content.

"We are aware that spreading objectionable, communal and anti-social contents can disturb sentiments of the country and therefore with heavy heart we took this step," said Twitter CEO Dick Costolo. "Diggy was our most followed user by many weird netizens," he added with few drop of tears in his eyes.

Twitter's move, however, created a serious uproar in the weird netizens. "This is anti-social. Diggy was the only person who was allowed to talk and communicate the messages in India. He was like a God who only has right to tell," said a strong supporter of Diggy Chacha in the Congress Party.

"Our beloved Diggy Chacha is no more on Twitter makes me feel really bad. So many times I rolled on the floor, laughing after reading his tweets. Now, I would not have any thing left and how would I ensure for a laughing gas," said Rajendra Kaul, an ardent follower of Diggy Chacha's page on Twitter.

Diggy Chacha's many supporters in Raghorgarh Constituency in Madhya Pradesh started protest march. "We shall ask Diggy Chacha to sit on fast-unto-death as like Annaji till his Twitter page gets restored," said a farmer, Mangal Singh.

"He is most honest and loyal person to Rahul Baba and Soniyaji and Congress Party, which is the most secular in India," said Mangal Singh. Mangal Singh also said that Diggy Chacha last year promised him that in the next Madhya Pradesh elections, he will arrange Rahul Baba's tour to Mangal's house. "I would arrange Pizza and Burger for Baba," said happy Mangal Singh.

The peaceful protest became furious and fired Dick's photos and Twitter logos. However, after Diggy Chacha's intervention the protest cooled down. Diggy Chacha said all supporters to calm down and they didn't belong to the culture of Gundaraj as like RSS spreads. "This was RSS' conspiracy to remove his Twitter page, he told us," said a sweeper Meenabai.

Though, Diggy Chacha himself showed calmness in front of crowd was very angry in private. DCFC reporter received a transcript of the call between Diggy Chacha and Dick Costolo. 

"This is totally anti democratic. What did I say so that you removed my content, Dick you, $#@@$$%%% idiot... How could you remove my content without asking me, you b%#@%@#d," furious Diggy Chacha asked.
"Oh, Diggy, oh I really appolgize. But it was Kapil Sibbal's office that asked me to remove your page.," said Dick.
"Ok, I connect to Kapil also and will ask him," said Diggy Chacha. "Kapil you $$!@$%@, Party president had asked you to keep your mouth shut after your weird Zero Loss Theory and Anna Hazare saga, still you are opening your mouth. See its only me who can make such weird and hopeless comments," Diggy Chacha said.
Sibal Uncle smiling mischeivously said "Diggy, it was April fool in advance. I and Chiddu knew that you are so intelligent that you can identify this trick if we would have demonstrated it on 1st of April and therefore April Fool to you in advance. Ha ha ha..." Sibal Uncle sung a song also "See, April Fool banaya (in December) to unko gussa aaya, mera kya kasoor yeh to Chiddu ka kasoor, jisne ye idea nikala. Dick start Diggy's page again and Diggy go ahead with your b...s....ng." 

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